Guest Count Disappointment

Hey, Candache- I'm so sorry you're feeling bummed about the guest count!

I don't think there's anything wrong in getting married in the city that stole your hearts- I seriously just got goosebumps typing that- so romantic! Traveling can be hard for people for different reasons, so it's super likely that people would love to make it but just can't swing it! It's not a reflection of their love for you!!

I'm not sure how far back your RSVP date was, but did you by any chance follow up with people after the fact? Was there anyone who didn't RSVP at all?

Regardless of the head count, I'm sure that your wedding is going to be amazing. In the end, it's about you and your FH, your love for each other, and the city you both fell in love with! Wishing you all the best, including feeling better about it!!

I’m sorry to hear that they won’t be coming. I would be sad too I understand it sucks. My shower is this weekend and I have a lot of aunts and cousins and even friends who aren’t coming for whatever reason and it still kind of hurts my feelings because I was there for them and it’s sad they couldn’t return the favor. Same for you it’s a special day that happens once and people should put some effort in. I’m trying to focus on all the amazing people who will be there!

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Half the people idnt RSVP I had to call them...I feel like I wasted so many stamps for return envelopes that people didnt bother to send lol.

I’m so sorry! That’s heartbreaking! Although a lot of your closest people might not be able to attend, remember that you still have a LOT to look forward to!! You’re finally getting to marry the man of your dreams...that in itself is everything! Regardless it’s YOUR day, so I think you should make the most of the time and the friends and family that will be there instead of wondering what it’d be like if more people showed up ❤️

It can be disappointing when this happens, but it seems that you were prepared for that possibility. Maybe you can look into spending some quality time with those who are unable to make it, either before or after your DW. I'm not personally in the same boat, but I understand that we won't always make decisions that make everyone happy (ex. I was never going to win with our location, as our families live an hour and a half apart, and no one is happy with traveling).

I'm sorry that you are disappointed. I'm not in the same boat but I think it's totally natural to feel hurt. Like PP suggested, maybe you can have something at home where more of your friends and family can share in this joyous time in your life. On a happier note FH and I share your love of New Orleans! It's the city we took our first couples trip to. We have the most amazing time exploring the city. We ate some of the best meals I've ever had in my life and so happen to be there during a really cool exhibition at NOMA. That trip was the first time he said I love you too me. It was such a special trip that we've gone back every year since. We always stay at the same hotel and go to the same oyster bar. It's always wonderful. I truly hope that you have an amazing wedding in the crescent city!

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Aw, thank you. Funny thing about it is my family always has asked "Why do you love that city o much?" and I never had an answer except "I feel like its a part of who I am" and then I did a DNA test a few months ago and found out my ancestors were some of the first "settlers" of New Orleans by way of France. Maybe my DNA had something to do with it lol. Also YES best food we've ever eaten....my mom can't wait!

Don’t feel bummed about the guest count . I had about 40 ish declines in total ... but as a result was able to upgrade my f & b, and do a bit more with decor. Take it as an opportunity to do some small things you may have not budgeted for originally or upgrade things you want . Your day will be beautiful and fun, your future spouse will be there and honestly, that’s all that matters . . . They just missed the party , no big deal. Try not to take it personally !

I totally get this. My FH has a large family and a very very large friend group. It also doesnt help that we live in his hometown so all these people have easy access to our wedding and pre-wedding events. My family is all 4 hours away, and my small friend group is scattered across the country. We had a family couples shower and only 6 of the probably 40-50 guests were from "my" side. I was really bummed out, but I know that the people on FHs side are also my friends now too and his family is becoming my family.

Same! Having a DW in October as well and right now I have 1 "friend" coming and the others won't come. At this point I don't even really consider her a friend so I have my mom, 1 cousin and her husband and 1 aunt/uncle and my parents coming. We have around the same amount of people as you and all the rest are his. He has several friends coming and I am excited to meet them but sad that mine won't come. I get why they can't come but I'm still sad.

I understand where you’re coming from. My FH’s aunt and uncle and adult cousins aren’t coming up for our wedding (they live in FL and we’re in CT). They came up for both of his siblings’ weddings so it hurts us that they won’t be coming for ours. Like you mentioned, money isn’t an issue for them so I’m not sure why they’re not coming. One of the RSVPs didn’t even have names listed.. only a return address on the envelope. It just felt very cold. Try to keep your chin up, at the end of the day you’re marrying your best friend in a place you love and that’s all that matters!

View Quoted Comment Wow! That is super cool. Guess the city really is in your blood. I know you will have an amazing wedding. Please do a back and married so I can see

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Im sorry. I totally feel ya! Starting to look at it as my FH and I's day and am trying to focus on those who WILL be there. His friends are becoming my friends as well as his family becoming mine....so It'll all be good in the end, still bummed tho, which is okay lol.

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Lol. I sure will!

We are having the same issue. We live in Ohio but are having a DW in Denver. My family is in Texas, his is in Ohio. All of my family is basically going, but he only has a handful of his that are going. It was disappointing, but we decided to have separate mini receptions when we get back. Nothing fancy, just dessert and drinks so people can stop by and say Hi! and Congrats.

( Hugs).....just sending you a hug!

I'm anticipating most my guests not coming, they are all in CA and our wedding is in CO. I'd just say I wouldn't worry too much! It'll be an amazing day regardless.

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Thank you! Much needed lol

Love you guys! Having this support system has really kept me grounded throught the enitre process, especially since my MOHs and Bridesmaids are far away. For those suggesting an at home reception we definatley are having one the weekend after Thanksgiving! Its the only time his family from Cali and VA are in PA together and his family there owns resturaunts and have access to a big event hall (not fancy, but a very nice firehouse with modern interiors), so were having about 200 people there aferward incuding a lot of my family, but it's still not the same as having them at the actual wedding. But we are thankful they will be coming to that because it's still a 4 hour drive for most of my family and almost all of them are coming.

I'm sorry, I understand this makes you sad. I'd just focus on the people who are there and all the reasons why it is going to be special & meaningful to you both!

I know you said you don't want to hear it, but for others in the planning stages this really is something to consider when choosing a DW. We had a family member who chose to get married 3000 miles from the entire family and all the people she grew up with, in a city to which there are no direct flights (so the shortest travel time we could come up with was 16+ hours -- including a red eye flight), on a Friday in mid-October (in a family with LOTS of teachers and kids in school -- I had to miss three days of teaching because of the timing/flight schedules). She was ANGRY when people declined and made it very well known. The cost for me to go alone was $2500. I went (my family didn't go with me, she's my relative), but, honestly, I really wanted to decline. I love her, but sometimes a DW just doesn't work for those invited and I think it's important the couple be understanding of that. I'm not saying any of this applies to the OP, but wanted to give a DW guest's perspective on some of the reasons for declining.

Best wishes!