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Samantha
Just Said Yes September 2021

Guest conflict with intimate small wedding...

Samantha, on March 29, 2020 at 3:07 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
Hello everyone,

My fiance and I are talking about setting a date for our wedding. We want to keep the guest list small. Between 20-30 people or less. Our biggest concern is this... I have a half sister whom I am very close to... she hates my Mom. My longest and oldest best friend and my half sister hate each other. Though my best friend I think will be more polite than my half sister. My half sister is also my best friend and rock. She loves me just as fiercely as my other family. My brothers don't like my half sister but I am really close to them as well. She isn't bothered by my brother's.... so here is my delima... I cannot not invite her but i really want family there. I was considering a Wedding with close family and then a seperate reception with friends on the same date a year later. Or so.... any thoughts or suggestions? I believe that everyone will be polite but I want a sleep over the night before... surrounded by my closest ladies. Any ideas or suggestions would be helpful.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Veronica, on April 1, 2020 at 2:41 PM
  • Alexis
    Beginner August 2020
    Alexis ·
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    I have a similar situation going on but on my fiancé’s side. We are still inviting both people... so the choice is on them. If they want to come and be there for us and be civil for us then they will and if not then they don’t care enough to just be civil for a couple of hours on our special day then that says something about them you know?
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  • VIP November 2021
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    Exactly. Couldn’t agree more-
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Hopefully they can all be adults. I had a similar concern because my father-in-law is estranged from my husband's half-sister and half-brother. My husband's half-sister was a bridesmaid in my wedding and my husband's half-brother's children were our flower girls, ring bearer and usher. I was concerned how they would feel being around their father because he was awful to them growing up and they made the choice to not have him be a part of their lives. My father-in-law and mother-in-law have also been separated for 10+ years. At one point my mother-in-law was refusing to even be in any photos with him. My husband's half-brother also refused to be in any photos with him. In addition, our groomswoman previously dated one of my husband's other good friends. Both were at our wedding. This same good friend was engaged to a woman who has a child with the boyfriend of one of our other friends who was also at the wedding. All of this gave me a ton of anxiety because I wasn't sure if everyone could behave. Luckily, everyone behaved like adults. Because we had a larger wedding we were able to keep everyone apart more. Since your planning a smaller wedding that is going to be more difficult. I would hope they can act like adults, but with such a small group of people, I'm not going to lie I would be extremely concerned. I don't think everyone would have been able to be civil if it wasn't for the fact that there were so many other people they could interact with at our wedding. If you have already talked about wanting to have a large party later I would probably just invite everyone to the wedding to begin with. The party is where most of the money is being spent anyways. In my opinion, if you have more people, the less the people that don't get along will have to interact and therefore the chances of them being rude or causing a scene would decrease. But you know your situation the best.
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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    To me, it makes no sense to have a reception for friends a year later. You shouldn't have to split things up because a couple people can't get along. They're grown adults (I'm assuming), invite them both. And like the PP said, it's up to them to be cordial and if they're not... well, that's a shame.

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  • Samantha
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Samantha ·
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    I agree! Thank you.
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  • Samantha
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Thank you for sharing. This makes me feel better.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    You're welcome 😊 Good luck!!!!
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