Marissa
Just Said Yes March 2020

Guest changes her named plus one

Marissa, on November 7, 2019 at 9:26 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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I invited all of my coworkers from a small company to wedding, I couldn’t leave anyone out. But of all the coworkers I invited the one who was invited out of default assumes she has a plus one since she is now divorced (her save the date was addressed to the couple). I personally think it’s rude to change the guest when the guest is named but her circumstances have changed. However, she wants to bring her underage daughter and is telling me how to seat everyone around her bringing her daughter. I freeze in person when she mentions she bringing her daughter but I never planned on giving her a guest now that she is single. I know to address the invite to just her but I don’t think she gets it or will play dumb. Some people advised to put a note in the invite saying we had to make cuts and keep it simple. Does everybody go through this weirdness??

16 Comments

  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
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    I would be upfront an honest, especially if you aren't inviting other "children." I would tell her unfortunately we are unable to accommodate guests under 21, but we hope you can still make it.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I think you're going to have to suck it up and say something in person. I would just say "I'm sorry, we aren't giving plus ones to our single guests."

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  • Marissa
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Marissa ·
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    Ugh I know! She is above me at work so it’s extra awkward. Shes also the type of person to have her guest comes as another coworkers guest. She brags about how she finagles her children into weddings as other people’s plus ones.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Are you inviting other children?

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  • Marissa
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Marissa ·
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    Just family, her daughter is 18 I believe.
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  • Jeanie
    Rockstar February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    You need to just tell her that her daughter isn’t invited. It sucks that it’s someone higher up than you at work, but that doesn’t give her the right to control what you do outside of work, especially concerning your wedding.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    It was rude on her part to assume her daughter was invited, but it was even worse for her to start making demands. I would be super upfront and honest that, unfortunately, you are unable to accommodate her daughter. You're not being mean, so don't feel bad!

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  • Marissa
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Marissa ·
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    She’s going to argue since one coworker can’t make it that her daughter will make up the difference and won’t affect what I had already planned. Super stressful. And when she mentions it I freeze say ok but I feel like she’s using her power at work to manipulate the situation. I’m more upset at the principle of the matter more than anything.
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  • Ashley
    Expert November 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I would personally say something along these lines:

    "I appreciate you wanting to make-up for your second seat; however, from the beginning we have only allowed our guests that are in relationships to bring a plus one and request that children, of any age, are left at home. We hope you understand and that you are still able to join us."

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I personally would just let it go because you were already going to invite her SO and it's not any extra people. You certainly don't HAVE to let her - but it really does make almost no difference in your day.

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  • Marissa
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Marissa ·
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    I definitely see that point of view. I think what’s bothering me more is her entitlement and way of going about it so I’d like to prove a point but would certainly be easier to let it go, mentally lol
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  • J
    Super April 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Agree with this! The co-worker is the rude one, not you! Don't let her bring her daughter.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Oh I totally get wanting to "take a stance" about it, lol. However for me, mostly since it's a coworker that i'd have to see everyday - I just wouldn't want to put up the fight just on principle. I agree with PP's that she's being rude, but since it won't really affect your day or your budget my advice is to let it go.

    good luck!

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  • Suzie
    Devoted October 2020
    Suzie ·
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    Agree with this! This is your day, take your stance! If you do decide to let it go, don’t take any demands on her seating preference.

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  • LA&JB
    Beginner September 2020
    LA&JB ·
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    Unless she give you a raise, then yea she can bring her daughter. But I would tell her nicely, that you had to adjust your guest list and you weren't counting on her bringing her daughter.

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  • A
    Master October 2019
    Angelena ·
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    Yeah but YOU and your FH dictate who you get to sub in if any at all. That's not her choice at all whatsoever to say that oh this co-worker isn't coming so now my daughter can. Absolutely not. That would infuriate me. Just say "I apologize but out guest list is by those we invited only. We aren't utilizing a B list".

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