Guest and plus one

Spouses are not plus ones. As a social unit, they should be invited by name (call or text to find out) or don’t invite the individual you do know. In pandemic times, it’s incredibly easy and only takes a couple minutes to meet someone via video chat. Plus there are many of your fiancé’s guests you don’t know ahead of time and they are still invited so the “I don’t know them” doesn’t hold water. A plus one is a random stranger invited to entertain an unattached single guest and are always optional.



In our social circles, spouses and significant others are automatic invites and they are invited by name. You do whatever you need to to find out the name of you don’t already know. Also in our circles, random plus ones are not given for single guests because they know many other people at the wedding. Also, they are expensive per person and take a space away from a guest who would be cut to fit them. For example, if a couple invites immediately family and is unable to invite their best friends because they are inviting a stranger as a plus one for a relative.

As for the single guests: we decided that those who don't know anyone besides us can get a +1, but in fact 0 single guests will get one, all of them know at least 3 other guests.
As for the non-single: we're inviting the spouses, cohabiting partners and non-cohabiting partners of the guests if they have been together for at least 6 months (when we send the save the date) but only those who met the 2 of us or will before the RSVP deadline. I know that this is unpopular among the WW community but we agreed on this and it's not uncommon in our area.

Plus: We don't want anyone to be introduced to us on the day-of (including extended extended family members I've or he's never met) .When my future sister in law (fiancé's sister) got married, the couple invited their co-workers but didn't invite any spouses,boy(girl)friends, all invited co-workers showed up.

The fact people are upset over non-invited spouse/partner is more of an urban legend. I'm not saying no one is upset by this, I'm saying a minority is witj the majority still RSVPing yes , they get that couples may feel uncomfortable around people they've never seen, on the day-of.

However: our guests' partners who haven't met the 2 of us can be introduced to me and/or to him untill our RSVP due date and they will be part of our final guest count.

The general consensus is that if you invite anyone who is married, engaged, in a relationship, or otherwise has some kind of significant other, their partner should be invited too. Guests who are single can be given +1s. There's debate on where to draw the line with +1s, who should/ shouldn't be given one, etc. so your best bet is either to give every guest who's single a +1 or to ask around and see what's common among your family and friends.

Married couples should always be considered a social unit and invited as well as addressed by name on any save the dates/ invites you send. I personally feel if you’re going to be giving plus ones then you give them to every single person or none. I think it’s rude to pick and choose who gets a plus one and who doesn’t. I don’t understand needing to meet every person beforehand. Like I wouldn’t invite extended family I might not know but people seem to have the same thought with their partners friends. I don’t understand the idea that I would know or have met all of my fiancés friends. As they’re HIS friends. And I have MY friends. But to not invite someone we individually want there but our SO doesn’t know because we have separate friend circles is very strange to me

Always invite spouses, fiancés, and other long-term significant others even if you haven't met the partner. If you can't afford to host that person with their SO, you can't afford them at all.


Truly single guests don't need to get a +1 but it's a nice gesture in some cases, like if they're in your wedding party or if they won't know anyone else there.

I appreciate those who were respectful in their responses. Maybe I’m reading into some of these comments wrong but I think some of you were looking at my question completely wrong and thus responding rudely. I just asked for what you did or are doing, I never set in stone what I was planning. Nor was my question meant to be me saying that I’m choosing who gets a plus one and who doesn’t. It was a question because I was unsure of what was proper, that’s it. Thank you to those who were giving me kind advice and opinions!

Obviously the etiquette thing has been touched on already, so...

We approached it as: anyone who was known to have a partner (be they married, engaged, living together, boyfriend-and-girlfriend, facebook official, whatever - we didn't make a distinction) was invited with the partner.

The totally single people were not given a plus one, but we would have offered them one, if we had any single friends or family who only knew the two of us and no other guests, and also if they'd needed to travel a fair distance to attend. As it was, all our single friends were very close friends with at least 20 or more of the other guests, so it wasn't like they'd be alone all night.

And we did have some single relatives travelling from interstate who we didn't offer plus ones, but again, they were surrounded by at least 70 members of their immediate family and probably had more knowledge of the guest list than I did!

This can be tricky and I know everyone has different views. For us, we gave people a plus one that are in serious relationships or married. I also based it on how close we are, I have friends that we recently reconnected so based off that and not know the partner well, they aren’t given a plus one. We decided to add plus ones once we start getting people who say “no” in replacement of them if that makes sense. I hope this helps! I was told that married couples or living together get a plus one but honestly I’d say do whatever you want. You aren’t obligated to invite someone’s partner you barely know!

We chose to follow proper wedding etiquette when it came to the guest list, so all guests in relationships had their partners invited. Plus ones for single guests were regarded as “all or nothing” (ie, either ALL single guests get a plus one, or none do). Providing a fun, positive experience for our guests is a priority to us, so we chose to extend a plus one to all single guests.

All of our married friends are being invited in pairs, but for anyone who was (or is) single when we got engaged, we're checking in with them as we get closer to the date. I have a friend who was single when I got engaged, and then started seeing someone a week later. If they're still together when we go to send out invites, I plan on giving her a plus one, as they will have been together almost a year. Same goes for one of our groomsmen - he got together with his boyfriend a few weeks after we got engaged (and we've since met the boyfriend). I told him that if he wanted the plus one to let me know and he told me he'd "check back in this fall, hopefully I'll need it!".

I have one friend who is going to be coming without knowing anyone, and I'll be asking him before I send out the invites if he wants the plus one (and we'll talk about who he'd invite if he does, cause I love him, but please don't bring a random tinder date you've only been talking to for a week). We're keeping our guest list small, and know that a few who are being invited won't be able to join, so we have some flexibility.

I've been to weddings very recently where you only got a plus one if the relationship had been for x amount of time. While there's definitely "proper etiquette" or what have you, you also kinda gotta go off your circle. If you're able to afford giving everyone the ability to have a plus one regardless of their marital status - then cool! If not, also fine! I'd invite your married friends spouses, regardless, and then do what feels right and works best for you and your fiancé in regards to the others.

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We did this too. However, we only have 3 single guests invited, so it wasn't an issue to give them all plus ones. It depends on how many single guests you have and how much wiggle room you have on your guest list.

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This is exactly what we're doing! All of our guests in relationships are invited along with their partner, and all of our single guests are given the option of a plus one (they will have to let us know when they RSVP if they plan on bringing a +1). I agree that it provides a fun, positive experience for all. Early on in our relationship, my fiancé (then boyfriend) was invited to a few weddings and was allowed to bring me as his plus 1. We had such a good time at all of them and to this day, we are grateful that the couple was fine with me going without meeting me first.

You have to invite the spouses and domestic partners.

For the unmarried folks, we only gave plus-ones to those with serious boyfriends/girlfriends.

Spouses are a unit, not a plus one.


People who are single can be given a plus one depending on circumstances and your preferences. (Ie how big do you want Thai wedding to be? Are you okay with not really knowing a lot of plus ones?)
Plus ones can be given to those who are single, and those who are single and in a long term committed relationship. Just because you give one single person a plus one, doesn’t mean everyone has to get one. If you feel obligated to give a plus one, but want a smaller wedding, you can try to focus on only giving them to those who are in long term committed relationships or are engaged. If you don’t care about wedding guest count, you can give as many or as few as you’d like.

People who are in long term committed relationships are not plus 1's and should be invited by name on the invitation.

View Quoted Comment People in long-term, committed relationships are not considered single. These are considered social units, and they should always be invited together. Single guests are those who have no attachment whatsoever to a romantic partner.