Grumpy, exhausted bride w/a bridesmaid problem

Unless you KNOW they'll make you feel special... Unfortunately, I have a whole different group of girlfriends now that I wish I had chosen. It's to the point I had to plan my own bachelorette party and buy supplies... Ugh... I feel so pathetic and worthless as a bride...

SORRY FOR ALL OF THE TYPOS!!! I was typing quickly!!!

Stacie - I had one of my bridesmaids (a similar situation) not show up. She had the grace to make up a dramatic last minute excuse, and honestly has always kinda been like that since we were kids.

It's about her not you.

I honored our life long friendship, and she was the one who broke it, not me.

And are your dresses something that you could add in an extra? I just did navy lace cocktail dresses, so it wouldn't have been a big deal to grab one off the clearance rack at Macy's and add in another bridesmaid a month out.

And really it is true. At the end of the day all that mattered? was that you married that awesome guy. The rest is just icing.

Allison, thank you... You're so right. Actually, that's kind of been my feelings this whole time, but I guess I'm letting life stress get to me. And my girl all have their dresses... Including her. I picked out a VERY reasonable (under $70) dress for my girls, so I don't feel guilty if she doesn't show up... I guess more busy frustrated... I now have developed so many dear friends in nursing school that I wish I would have waited in choosing my girls.

I just wanted to say that I can related to the planning a wedding while in nursing school thing! I'm in my last year of nursing grad school and adding wedding planning into the mix is just pure craziness. I feel for ya!

It's always so hard picking bridesmaids. It should seem like a really obviously decision but it's really not. Like Allsion said this day and whole event is about YOU. If you feel like she's just not stepping up as a bridesmaid I don't think there is anything wrong with a) asking her if she really thinks she's going to make it to the wedding b) ask her if she's just not feeling up to it - in which case you should tell her you would not be unhappy if she stepped down so that someone else who will be there for you can be asked to be your bridesmaid and c) Tell her exactly how you feel. That all these important events that not only a friend but a bridesmaid should have attended and you are hurt that she wasn't there or made any effort. I think a lot of girls either expect to be asked or don't really think it's as huge of an honour as they expect. In the end -- don't let it stress you just remember the other bridesmaids who have been there for you

I think it also depends on expectations. I don't agree with your statement about choosing people who make you feel special. It's not about feeling special to me. So my expectations were that they were my friends first, my bridesmaids second. I knew what they were like and knew what to expect from them.

I chose my sister, my HS best friend, and a dear friend. My dear friend didn't make it to my shower, and although I thought at the time the reason wasn't a necessarily good one (because, honestly, brides can be selfish and narcissistic), I didn't let that bother me. She was amazingly helpful at my wedding. My best friend showed up late to the shower. Still my best friend. Still helped me tons on my wedding day.

I do agree that you should be careful of picking - but that you should pick people whose expectations match yours. There are no hard-and-fast rules to be a bridesmaid. Bridesmaids live their own lives, and sometimes they choose other priorities over you (which, I admit, feels crappy sometimes). So choose ones who truly know you.

I agree with e-Tex, but in my case my closest friends actually ARE the ones that make me feel special all the time. They make me feel special by supporting me emotionally when I'm having a bad day, by laughing at all my stupid jokes. I chose my bridesmaids because they truly know how to calm me down if somethings is going wrong and to make me laugh if I'm sad. I know I'll be able to face anything on the day if they are by my side. Friends should make you feel special and you should do the same for them.