Grown apart from Maid of Honor

Continued from above - I hope I don't sound too dramatic but I feel awful... I've spoken to her and told her how much I value her friendship and so forth but things still feel tense.

My MOH made me feel extra bad because she wants to move cities (I had a long engagement - one year) and now she can't until after my wedding and I was holding her up. Sometimes she comes into the city I live and doesn't call, didn't throw me a bachelorette party (not that she has too all she really needs to do is show up and stand by me but I feel bad)...

I've tried clearing the air but I think I have to let it go but it does feel awkward.

These things happen when people grow up and move away. This can be a cautionary tale for other brides- don't ask your bridal party too early!

All you can really do is reach out to your friends and try to talk about things outside of the context of your wedding. We get so caught up in planning and it's good to keep in mind that no one is as excited as you are. Sorry it feels so awkward!

This is why we advise people not to pick their bridal parties until 6-12 months out from their weddings.

First off, I'm sorry you're in a rough patch with your friend. It is completely natural for people to grow apart. Especially when one is going through a massive life change. That's why we like to recommend waiting until 6-8 months before the wedding to ask people to join your wedding party. One year is an average engagement length, so don't jump to blaming that. It's just that a lot can happen between friends very quickly. Hopefully you can mend your friendship or otherwise don't allow it to affect your wedding. But either way, you're not alone.

I don't understand why you feel there's tension? I get the drifting apart feeling but was there a fight?

If you're getting married in just a few days then I wouldn't stress about it too much it'll be over soon and she can move?

It's life...even the falling out and making up part. What you'll find, when a friend has been a friend for 30/40 years as opposed to seven, is that you don't have to see the individual often in order for them to retain an important place in your heart.

You had, using your words, a long engagement. The truth is you probably fell prey to what many engaged ladies fall prey to -- you were bitten by the wedding bug and probably asked her to be your MOH a long time ago. Today, you feel differently. With a few days to go, there's nothing to do but forget the negative and believe that the sanctity of the day, and the fact that she holds the highest position of honor, will reignite some of what may have cooled off during the engagement period. I believe there is some part of you that resents her for not throwing you a bachelorette party (it's normal -- no judgment there). If that wasn't the case, you probably wouldn't have mentioned it.

So listen, life, for you, is about to enter a new chapter. New friends, a new family, new options, new prospects, new opportunities, and lots of other things are in your path. If this relationship endures, be happy. If it doesn't, that's okay -- nobody is to blame. Seriously, this is the way life unfurls. Friendships don't always end on some battlefield -- sometimes they end very quietly, with each person on their own side of a brick wall.

Focus on the good stuff -- you're about to enjoy your wedding. Leave the rest behind.

I think I did pick my bridesmaids a bit too soon and maybe my tale can be a cautionary one to others. In my defense, my grandmother was in poor health when I got engaged and I went ahead and picked my dress, bridesmaids, and their dresses ASAP because we were going to move the wedding up and just do something small but she ended up passing before we could do that. (I was really close with my grandma).

I think it feels tense because my MOH has gotten a lot closer with other friends, one of which doesn't like me at all. Of course she's allowed to have other friends, but she isn't my best friend (I mean I don't really have a best friend beside my fiance) and she has other friends who she's closer with now and perhaps I'm just feeling like a loser with no close friends. We've just grown apart and I think she's wanted to move from our state for a while but my wedding is delaying/delayed her by a few months (she'd have to fly back for the wedding and she couldn't afford to move and fly back, she's even said you know your wedding is holding me up from moving, right?).

I think I've grown apart with a lot of my friends though since I've moved, I've been planning a wedding, my grandmother passed, and not to mention I started a new job in all of this. I think I might be an emotional wreck so please excuse me if I sound a little immature or dramatic. Maybe just wedding jitters too??

If the wedding is stopping her from moving that's on her, not you. Don't let that stress you out she chose to agree to be your moh. Maybe it is just jitters just try not to worry about it and enjoy your day!

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I have to agree with @Devon A it is not your responsibility that she cannot move. If it is really putting a strain on her life then she should have just told you a while back that she cannot be in the wedding anymore. Try to focus on the positive and hopefully your bridal party will help you enjoy your bachelorette party.

A one-year engagement isn't "long". I bet that is around the average engagement period. I'm not sure why she felt like she couldn't move until your wedding either. It's hard to comment on threads about friendship because it's impossible to understand all sides of the story.

That is really frustrating and disappointing. Friendships do change though and it's okay to mourn them while looking forward to the start of your marriage and future together.

Also, it's really unfortunate she's blaming you for delaying her move. You're not having a wedding at her.

I didn't have a long engagement but did have a falling out with my MOH, over school stuff. She thinks I'm a coward and bad friend, I think her expectations of student behaviour don't match who I am or how I behave. It happens. She showed up, stood with me on my ceremony and for hours of pictures; we had fun at the reception, I thanked her, and that was the last time we spoke. It happens, it's not great but it's just how life is.

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel badly for you. Try to just focus on the positive parts of the day and marrying your fiancé. It sounds like you've tried.

Honestly, (not trying to be mean here) but i don't see you guys remaining friends after the wedding. She is an adult. If your wedding was "holding her up" she should have put on her big girl panties and stepped down rather than being passive aggressive. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Say goodbye to her at your wedding. FYI, you don't need a bridal party. If she all of a sudden bailed, you will be fine

I went through the exact same thing 28 years ago; I feel ya.

Don't call her out at the reception as your MOH; she is one of your bridal party, but you don't have to give her special significance if she's not contributing anything.

Thank her for being there (and silently for wearing the right dress and showing up) and don't expect her to do anything, and let it go.

And yes, after being left waiting for her to come pick me up to go out more than once before the wedding, to having to bug her about the bridal shower, to no bachelorette party (which was fine, but still)...but her disinterest and disrespect towards me...yes....after the wedding, she was no longer my friend. It was time, and we should have parted ways long before the wedding, actually.

Best wishes to you. Don't let her spoil your day, as long as she behaves, just treat her as one of the girls, and really appreciate your girls that are really there for you.

I swear, weddings either bring friends closer together or farther apart. A friend who I thought was my best friend, was supposed to be a MOH with my other bff, however due to certain circumstances which happened in her life, she stepped down, and It was definitely the right choice. She hasn't acted that excited over my wedding so I try not to bring it up too much because I dunno, I feel she doesn't care? My MOH and bff since hs has been planning a lovely shower and bachelorette party for me this weekend, yet the other supposed BFF just bitches about funds and seems to not even want to contribute anything to the party. Now I would totally understand if she really was tight on money, but if she can go out drinking with friends and other events, she can fork out $20 for me. Maybe I'm acting like a selfish rude brat, but it all comes down to priorities. I have realized I am not a very high priority in her life and have come to terms with it. She's a sweet girl and we have fun when we are together, so I will accept what is and move on, but I no longer consider her a bff. I'm so sorry that you are having issues with your MOH and I hope everything works out.

@Monique - I'm going to have to disagree with your statement: "you don't have to give her special significance if she's not doing anything". That directly goes against what a bridal party is all about. Bridesmaids aren't there to help out and the MOH is not recognized for superior effort. They are not employees. They are not honored for what they can do for the bride. They are honored as the bride's nearest and dearest. And that honor comes with whether the MOH throws the shower/bach of a lifetime, or just shows up in the right dress. This girl is still her MOH. She deserves not to have the title and respect ripped away from her at the last minute. Especially if the only crime is a friendship naturally and amicably slipping and failing to throw an unnecessary party.