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Expert March 2020

Growing pains?

Tiffany, on November 17, 2019 at 12:48 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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The basics: I'm 21, still living at home with my family. I'm the oldest child of 4, so first to get married. FH is 23 and still living with his family, oldest of 2, first to get married.

I have always been really close with my family. We are a military family so we've gone through a lot together and all have strong relationships. I know thats not always the norm so im very blessed and thankful that I have such a good relationship with my family.
We are 5 months out from the wedding. I've been struggling a lot lately and find myself getting more easily annoyed and short tempered with my family. Not for any good reasons really. I guess I'm realizing that I'm just "done" with this stage of life and ready to move on to the last chapter.
I'm so ready to move out and be with my FH. I just am afraid I'm going to start pushing my family away. I don't want to do that. I know my mom is struggling a lot with letting me go. We've had several hard conversations about how our relationship is changing and will change more.
I'm getting married in April and in June the rest of my family is moving overseas to Germany and they'll be gone for 2 or 3 years. I know that means I need to cherish the time I have with them now, because I won't have them next year. I'm just struggling to stop and enjoy it because I just want to be with my fiance all the time.Not really sure what kind of advice I'm looking for here. Guess it's just a vent?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Tiffany, on January 6, 2020 at 12:20 PM

Dedicated June 2020
Tera · on November 17, 2019 at 2:15 PM
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It’s not unusual to feel this way. Maybe you’re sometimes getting annoyed with your family because of the stress of planning a wedding and the upcoming life transitions; it’s a big change to get married and leave your family. Many parents have a hard time letting their children go but it doesn’t mean they aren’t happy about seeing their children get married. Quality time with your family will help. And include your fiancé as well since he is also part of their family now. It’s not like you’re choosing him over them it’s more spending time together as a family. Maybe reassure your mother that although your are growing up and getting married you still need her love and guidance in your life. Sometimes parents just need to hear from their adult children they’ll still be needed somehow. When they move keep communication alive. When I lived abroad away from all my family I made sure to call/message often to help my family still feel connected to my life. Also I would send gifts/ flowers on birthday or holidays.
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on January 3, 2020 at 10:12 PM
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I would agree that it’s probably the stress. Take some time to yourself - no FH, no family, and destress. Then take that time and spend it with your family before they move.
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Devoted March 2019
Katie · on January 6, 2020 at 11:54 AM
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This can be tough, especially when all of this family stress seems to be happening around the wedding - but just know these types of parent/child relationships all have to make this change at one point or another. We think our parents will remember when they were in our shoes and just let us be, but in reality they're now in their parents shoes and finally understanding why they didn't want to let their babies grow up!
Try and plan some solid family fun time (not wedding related, not deep convo related, etc.) and also include your FH on some of this too since you are all going to be family in a few short months! Let them know that no matter how old you get, or where they move, you'll always hold a special place in your heart for your family and you'll always need them Share in as many positive moments as you can together, and then be sure to give yourself some daily or weekly "me" time to decompress. Maybe in 2021, when you and your husband are all settled in and your family settled in Germany, you can plan a fun trip to visit
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Expert March 2020
Tiffany · on January 6, 2020 at 12:18 PM
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Thank you for that advice 💕 now that the holiday rush is over and my work schedule isn't as intense I should be able to have some "me" time and de-stress
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Expert March 2020
Tiffany · on January 6, 2020 at 12:20 PM
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Thanks for taking the time to reply 💕 We are definitely hoping to visit Germany in the future to see them.
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