Groomsmen

No, you’re not wrong. Honestly if I were you I’d think long and hard about why I was marrying someone who saw no issue with disrespecting my family and remaining friends with people who disrespected me. For me, those things wouldn’t fly in my relationship.

I don't feel like you are wrong. But neither of us have friends or family that don't approve of each other, I imagine if we did they would no longer stay in our lives. I guess I would just be uncomfortable having a friend at all that didn't approve of my husband.

This sounds like pretty controlling behavior. Either you both get veto power, or neither of you does. It can't be unilateral.

He should talk to his friends about being disrespectful to you but other than that, it's his choice. I know you want your brothers in the wedding but again, his side, his choice. If you want your siblings in the wedding, find something else for them to do.
The groomsmen are supposed to be the grooms closest friends, just like the bridesmaids are supposed to be yours.

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OMG, yes, I agree with you on this!

I would definitely talk to him about how his friends disrespect you. Make sire he knows how you feel about it. As far as your siblings go, my sister had our brothers walk her part way up the aisle one at a time. It was beautiful.

Gotta be blunt here: You both have issues. You are trying to control who the groomsmen are (not your job) and he is trying to tell you who you can and can't invite. Does he know his friends are rude to you? Does he do nothing about it? DROP HIM. He is putting his friends above you and that ain't cool. Those are all huge red flags. How would you like it if he was telling you who your bridesmaids had to be? Not cool, correct? Look, I would stop with all the wedding planning and get into counseling. You have serious problems here. Let's say you elope and the groomsmen and guest list issues go away, you are both exhibiting and controlling behavior.

Good luck.

Agreeing with everyone here. I would think again how this would affect the marriage long term in the future. It won’t go away. It needs to be addressed to solve.

Ignoring the wedding entirely, there is a bigger issue here. If his friends have openly disrespected you and feel comfortable doing that around him, he clearly allows it and maybe (probably) even joins in when you two are fighting. That is absolutely immature of him and to me, speaks volumes about how much respect he has for you himself. Think long and hard. Do you really want a husband that will not take up for you? One that will allow others to talk bad about you? Not to mention one that will actually be FRIENDS with people who doesn't respect the person he is supposed to love the most in the world? It should be the two of you against the world, and it sounds like it's not. I also think it's not your place to dictate his choices, but it sucks to feel like you have to in order to be respected (I get that). And I do not mean this to be mean at all, but it sounds like both of you have some growing up to do - maybe more so him than you, but it definitely seems to be an issue on both sides. Please make sure you are ready for this. There is so much out there and you will be with this person the rest of your life so make sure they are exactly what you want. Divorces are not fun.

You shouldn’t tolerate your fiancé allowing his friends to disrespect you period. I say this with all love, but you might want to get this sorted out before. You tie the knot.

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Also agree with this 100%! Not acceptable at all.

You are not wrong. I think there is more of this behavior happening that you have probably written off as "it's just the way he is". I have been there and sadly I didn't listen to myself. I tried to accept it and ignore my wants and needs to make him happy and avoid conflict.
I went ahead and married him even though a part of me wondered why I would ever put up with his behavior. Then 3 weeks after we got married, we headed out on the honeymoon and he full on flipped the switch! While we were in the airport he called me many colorful words and I felt deflated the entire time. When we returned it just got worse to the point that I filed for a divorce after he put his hands on my oldest daughter and myself. It didn't start that way and I am not saying your situation will turn out that extreme. I just wish I would have trusted my gut and not my head!

I am not telling you this to upset you. I am sharing with you because I hope that you will stand up for yourself unlike me. I hope that you will sit back and evaluate how he responds when you bring up your thoughts and feelings. Truly, if he is willing to allow his buddies to disrespect you, he will follow suit worse than he most likely already does. If he can make decisions about your side and family then the same respect should be afforded to you.