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Savvy November 2019

Groomsmen Vent

Emily, on June 15, 2019 at 11:31 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12

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I'm sorry I need to vent about one of the groomsmen. This groomsman has complained everytime I see him about the cost of suits and being involved with the wedding. I told him the day that he was asked to be in the bridal party that the suit rent that I was looking at were no more then 210$ (black tux rental) which includes everything needed for the day. He made a comment that is was super expensive. My response was that yes being part of the wedding party is spendy, the bridesmaids spent 175$ on their dresses and that they haven't bought shoes or altered their dresses yet. The groomsman send that he will have to reprioritize his spending (he has expensive hobbies) and I left it because I was thinking if he finds he isn't willing or can't rent a tux I will cross that bridge when we get there.
Fast forward to tonight. My FH and I went looking at tuxes today and we were talking to the groomsmen about our experience and what we were thinking which is a 175$ rental. The groomsman brings up again that its expensive and that he is second guessing being a part of the wedding. To which I responded if the cost is an issue I understand and that we would still want him to attend as a guest.
Am I wrong here? Was I rude? Should I be more accomadating? Whenever I was in the bridal party I understood what was expected of me both in cost and time.
I'm just frustrated and maybe I shouldn't be.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Margaret, on June 16, 2019 at 9:42 PM

Dedicated August 2019
Jessica · on June 15, 2019 at 11:56 PM
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You are absolutely not wrong at all. What you said was 100% right. Being in a wedding is expensive to a certain extent and people know that before saying yes. I mean what is he honestly expecting to pay for his whole attire? I wouldn’t sweat this just let him drop out if he can’t afford it and come as a guest!!
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on June 16, 2019 at 1:33 AM
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I know most will not agree I do not think you were wrong. I also thing 210 can be a lot for some people. My dress was 250. Black tux you still need to get it altered some. My fiancé is renting from there. I also think it is important to ask bridal party price point.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on June 16, 2019 at 1:36 AM
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We also offered to pay for grooms women
dress when we were not sure if she could afford it. She could pick out her own but still was having a hard time. But she found one for 30 bucks.
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VIP September 2019
CDickman · on June 16, 2019 at 1:37 AM
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You would really be that ok if they could not afford it to just kick them out?
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Super July 2020
D · on June 16, 2019 at 2:07 AM
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If this groomsman was picked by your FH then he should probably handle the situation. Privately discuss what is best with FH about this guy.
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Savvy December 2015
Woman On The Go · on June 16, 2019 at 3:08 AM
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I think what you told him was A-OK. I can understand the frustration because obviously if you didn't want him in the wedding you wouldn't have asked him to be a part of it, so it's a disappointment. You gave him a cost estimate beforehand, so it would have been nice if he'd let you know earlier that cost would be too big of an issue for him. Most of the time with weddings I actually feel like I don't know early on what the cost or time commitment will be, so you're more on top of it than most. If you have any wiggle room, you could offer to pay for half the rental, or even allow him to wear a suit/tux he already owns?
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Master 0000
Judith · on June 16, 2019 at 7:03 AM
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I think you should have let your FI handle his guys, just as I feel he should not do it with your women. He chose this friend to be groomsmen. Something that might mean he may not be able to afford it, and may drop out, should be up to FI. $175 is not a high price though, that part is reasonable . Just, FI should be the one to talk about it. ... Sometimes people talk as though people should be prepared to spend hundreds on Bach parties, or showers, or $250 HMU, and those really are optional. But the price of a full tux or other suit that is reasonable, and $175 is market rate for one,, or dress, and getting to the wedding, are minimum expenses which the couple may expect people to pay, or decline being a gm/BM.
And if the amount was too much when FI discussed it with him when he asked him, the guy should have declined then.
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Dedicated August 2019
Jessica · on June 16, 2019 at 7:04 AM
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I mean it is what it is, unless you can pick up that persons slack but than you should pay for everyone else’s. I wouldn’t able to do that. I think if they agree to be in your wedding and you have them a price before hand then they really can’t complain after that point.
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Savvy November 2019
Emily · on June 16, 2019 at 1:00 PM
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Thanks guys and I agree that my Fiance should have probably talked with him about it but the groomsmen was only bringing these comments up to me not my Fiance. I talked with my fiance about it when the groomsmen started making these comments and he said he hadn't heard anything. So I'm not sure if the groomsmen is talking to me because he feels more comfortable or what. As for helping pay for the rental, I can't do that for everyone in the party and I feel like we would need to if we went don't this path. Maybe I am wrong though.
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Dedicated October 2021
Robert · on June 16, 2019 at 4:22 PM
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Your response was totally reasonable! That said, over $200 for rental seems crazy... that's what I'd spend on a suit to keep for myself, let alone for a non-tailored rental suit. If he understood the costs involved in being a part of the wedding party and is unwilling to deal with them, then you're very much justified in giving him the options of paying up or dropping out to just come as a guest, though.
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Savvy October 2021
Joanna · on June 16, 2019 at 7:10 PM
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Sounds like you did everything right. You were considerate of his concerns and let him know that if he wants to drop out, no hard feelings and you both still want him there.
I understand your frustration--rather than talking to you or your FH and explaining his concerns, he was passive aggressive and whiny.
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Dedicated June 2020
Margaret · on June 16, 2019 at 9:42 PM
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I don't think you were rude at all. He may have been looking for an out because no one really knows anyone's financial situations. Don't waste the energy being frustrated. If he brings it up again, then get firm. Tell him it's the third time he has brought it up and if it truly is too stressful, you guys want him at wedding, but you don't want to have him have the obligation, tell him it's ok to step down. If he says no, then just tell him you're aware of the price and there's no need to keep bringing it up. Then move on. Xo
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