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Cassandra
Devoted September 2021

Groomsmen Procrastinating/lack of Communication

Cassandra, on March 5, 2020 at 2:19 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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Hi Guys,

I'm only 50 days from our wedding day (can't believe it's so close - eek!) Smiley smile! My FH asked all of his groomsmen in January to make sure they go to Men's Wearhouse to get their measurement and to get the tuxes ordered. Two of our groomsmen still haven't gotten theirs done and are now barely responding. One groomsmen said he was waiting to see if his gf's dad had a black tux before he rented one. We tried explaining that they all need to match for the ceremony and are currently waiting for his response.

I'm super worried about him not getting it done or even showing up for the rehearsal and/or wedding due to his lack of communication. Also, him and the other groomsmen have been fairly difficult with everything. I feel so bad for my FH because they have all been really close and good friends for years. However, he's only seen them once this past year, and it was only cause I begged them to come to his surprise 30th birthday party in August. He tried asking them to be groomsmen for 2 months and they kept cancelling so he ended up having to ask on the phone. He even told me this past week that he has other friends with that he is closer with now that are unfortunately not in our wedding.

I know he's really hurt by all of this. Has anyone had a similar experience? What do you think is the best way to move forward?

-Stressed out bride

17 Comments

Latest activity by Cassandra, on March 12, 2020 at 1:00 PM
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Ugh I’m sorry that stressing you out. There’s only so much you can do though because you can remind them all you want but they’re adults who have to get their act together. A similar thing happened to me where my bridesmaid literally didn’t get her dress til 3 days before my wedding. So it is what it is, as long as they get their stuff by the time of your wedding or they can come as guests
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I think his only option is to tell them the deadline to have their measurements done before the wedding and leave it at that. They're adults; if they want to participate, they will do what they need to do.

    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    He was mentioning asking other people. I don’t love the idea because I feel like it can be offensive.
    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Wow! That’s definitely stressful. Did everything end up going well?
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Yes, that would be extremely offensive to everyone involved.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I was definitely annoyed aha but she got her dress by the wedding and that’s all that eventually mattered
    • Reply
  • L
    Beginner May 2022
    Lisamarie ·
    • Flag
    Ohhh no! So sorry you and your FH are dealing with this. If I were him in this situation, I would consider talking to his friends who he’s gotten closer to (the ones who aren’t in wedding, yet) and maybe explain the situation regarding his other groomsmen and ask if they would consider being in the wedding on such short notice. If they would like to be in the wedding, then your fiancé can talk to his groomsmen that haven’t gotten their tuxes and haven’t responded, and just tell them whatever he needs to to have them no longer be in the wedding but still attend.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    This is pretty standard for groomsmen tbh (in my experience at least). Two of our groomsmen ordered their suits (and they were able to do it online) on the last day they could (30 days out). One booked his hotel room 2 days before our wedding and obviously wasn't in the block. One didn't book his flight for the bachelor party until 4 days before they left. It all works out. If it doesn't, they aren't in the wedding! I'd just tell him to send a group text with a tux deadline. If they don't make it, that's one less groomsman.

    • Reply
  • Alisa
    Devoted October 2021
    Alisa ·
    • Flag
    Yes!! We are 16 days pit and had a groomsmen tell us he won't be able to make the wedding?! Now we are rushing, not a good feeling. I would say not too stress but that's hard to do. My FH said he would help a lot and he has done some things but he waits till the last minute and I just had to take over or just keep asking everyday. I would wait til you get a bit closer or maybe even ask one of his groomsmen to help which I had to do and ask FH's brother all the follow up questions.
    • Reply
  • Felicia
    Savvy June 2021
    Felicia ·
    • Flag

    Ugh, we're having the same problem. FH sent out a reminder to all the groomsmen a few weeks ago to get their measurements done. There are two that haven't even responded to him, even though he's used multiple methods to reach out to them. So I get where you're coming from! I'm trying not to stress too much about it, but it's hard!

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Expert August 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    Ugh! We have 112 days to go but are experiencing the same from one of FH brothers. My FH doesn't live near his family and his brother can't drive (epilepsy) but his SIL can definitely drive. We have already planned to intervene and take him ourselves at Easter if we have to.

    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
    • Flag

    So I have an update on the situation...The groomsman that said he wanted to borrow his gf's dad tux backed out. My fiance told him that they will always be friends and if he's having financial issues and can't make it work to let him know. He hadn't said anything for days and then finally admitted that he didn't have the money to continue. So now my FH has put his cousin into the wedding. They are really close so he was understanding and excited to be in the wedding.

    The second groomsman got his tux fitted/ordered!

    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    That sounds like a good way to get him to go!

    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah, that's definitely hard. Have you guys heard back now? How does your FH feel about it?

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  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    Oh wow! That's terrible. I don't understand why they have to wait until the last minute. I feel like communication is so important. Are you guys going to have someone else stand in?

    • Reply
  • Alisa
    Devoted October 2021
    Alisa ·
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    He asked another friend and he can do it but camt make the rehearsal which at this point ia the least of my worries.
    • Reply
  • Cassandra
    Devoted September 2021
    Cassandra ·
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    Oh thats so good! I don't understand why people commit if they can't follow through?

    • Reply

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