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Savvy July 2020

Groomsmen drama

Samantha, on September 6, 2019 at 9:41 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 21

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Long post im so sorry... Not using thier real names.

One of my FH closest friends Bill is in our wedding. We got engaged like 2 years ago and he knew he would be in it and said yes to it. This is the 2 time bill brought up about he might not have enough money to get the vest. (The guys are dressing very casual. Only fancy thing they need is a vest and tie which we are looking now to see where would be the cheapest.)
Bill also brought up about is wife sally not being in it. (I have enough girls in the wedding plus i am not really close with sally.) Bill was saying he was hoping to walk down the with Sally. Even though he was fine whenever I originally asked him and he knew she was not in it. Bill also asked my FH if something happens someone does not have enough money to get there things I need for the wedding if we would ever talk to them again. My FH told him no because he doesn't want him to think it is okay to do this whenever he had plenty enough time to save up money. I feel like all this drama started after the fact she knew she was not in the wedding.

A little more back story about Sally she knew that she was not in the wedding like I said. But she assumed that she would be a backup if someone would ever back out girl wise she should be the one to take their place. First of all I never said anything about anybody being a backup second I never even told her about being a backup. I'm not even worried about any of the girls because all the girls that I picked I know for a fact they will not back out or screw me over. Whenever I finally told her that she was not a backup she freaked out and deleted me and acted like a child. The reason why I came out and told her was because she messaged me and said that she was going to buy a dress and the shoes that my bridesmaids will be wearing so just in case someone backs out she has all that stuff ready. I told her don't buy anything because no one's going to back out first of all and second of all I don't want somebody just going to the wedding having the same dress and the same look as my bridal party.

I am over this completely and I want to know if I should give this groomsmen One More Chance and if you brings out the situation again I'm telling him he's done or if I should just do it now. I really don't want this added on stress on top of everything else. We dont want to ruin this friendship either bc him And my FH are really close. I know some of you would say don't worry about it one less person to worry about but I am always a planner and I always need to make sure everything is in place at least some of it.

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Latest activity by Judith, on September 7, 2019 at 6:20 PM

Master February 2020
Amber · on September 6, 2019 at 9:46 AM
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It sounds like Bill & Sally are trying to make this entire wedding about them walking down the aisle together. Why does that even matter? You don't have to include his wife in the bridal party simply because he's close enough to your FH to be a groomsman. It seems like his priorities are out of wack in terms of your wedding day. I would tell FH to speak to him saying that his wife will not be part of the wedding party and if that's an issue, he should just tell you now and they can be done with it. Shouldn't have to end their friendship, but I suppose that will depend on how the conversation goes between them.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on September 6, 2019 at 9:48 AM
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Your wedding is so far away. Stop engaging with Bill and Sally for now. If Bill gets the vest, he’s a groomsman. If not, he’s not. That’s it. I don’t think it’s ok for your FH to tell Bill the friendship is over if he can’t afford it though.
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VIP June 2020
Jessica · on September 6, 2019 at 9:49 AM
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Check Azazie for vests, they have them and in a lot of colors, not too expensive either. I would tell him that if he does not purchase his vest by X date ( give him a date that the vest needs to be ordered by to be in on time for the wedding) then he will have to be a guest at the wedding.
As for crazy, just ignore her. You did nothing wrong she is just being jealous about the while situation. You probably should not give her any details about your wedding though, I would fear that she would show up in the same dress, shoes, hair style or whatever. Don't discuss anything wedding with her and let it go. Like you said you weren't really close to her so it's not like you are losing a friendship over telling her shes not in the wedding party.
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Savvy July 2020
Samantha · on September 6, 2019 at 9:50 AM
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Yeah I didn't think it was okay either that he said that. I wanted to tell him that we would just be very very upset and that's it. But he wanted to put his foot down because he wanted him to know that we weren't playing around.
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Devoted October 2020
Emily · on September 6, 2019 at 9:50 AM
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This is an odd situation. I’ve never understood why members of the bridal party want to walk down the aisle with their significant other. This seems so weird to me. It sounds like Sally is overstepping and Bill is putting feelers out for not being in the bridal party. How does your FH feel about this? You’re asking if you should give him another chance but if he’s your FHs close friend, that call should be his to make. You’ve told Sally that she’s not in the wedding. At this point I would just continue on. Bill is a groomsman, Sally is a guest. I’m sorry that this is happening, it’s unnecessary stress but set boundaries and if Bill doesn’t want to be in the wedding anymore, he’ll let you know. Good luck!
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 6, 2019 at 9:51 AM
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Why would you kick your FH's best friend out of his wedding party? Does your FH have control over your friendships as well? Sure, the situation with Bill and Sally is petty, but I would never end a friendship over a vest. If he can't afford it, he can't afford it. You don't have to believe him, but it's not your place to judge his finances.
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Savvy July 2020
Samantha · on September 6, 2019 at 10:01 AM
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Bill is in the wedding Sally is not. And yes my fiance even said that he is getting tired of bill throwing this around every once in awhile. Whenever my fiance told me as soon as I got home I even was getting ready to tell him I wouldn't stop talking to him completely maybe for a little bit just because like yeah I know I am going to get salty if something happens he can't be in it because he can't get his vest on time. But I did not want him to ruin the Friendship because they've been friends ever since my fiance was little. I'm going to talk to my fiance today about it a little bit more. I do want my fiance to make the decision because if I do I know for a fact I'm going to come off as a total b**** and I don't want to be like that.
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Super July 2018
Brittany · on September 6, 2019 at 10:08 AM
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It sounds like all the drama stems from Sally. Yes it sounds annoying but I would leave Bill in the bridal party and ignore the vest comments for now because he wouldn't even be paying for it for another 7 or so months, I'm sure he really doesn't know what his finances will be like by then. If the time comes and he still can't afford it, your fiance should buy it for him. I don't think its fair for your fiance to not have his best friend with him on his special day just because his wife is crazy.
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on September 6, 2019 at 10:13 AM
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If you didn’t ask Sally, then she should be an adult and get over it.

Adults should be able to survive not being picked to be on someone’s “Kick Ball team”.

FBIL and SIL live in Florida.

They’re out of state and have 3 out of 4 kids in college.

Since he’s in the Bridal Party, I asked her to be a Greeter.

I didn’t want to cause a significant financial hardship for them since they have to travel, get a 🏨, Rental 🚙, and may be bringing some or all of the kids.

Would Sally be able to Hostess so that she’s a part of the Wedding, just not in it?
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Lady · on September 6, 2019 at 11:07 AM
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As usual, Caytlyn is right on. His wife sounds annoying, but it really shouldn't affect your FH's friendship. Just buy him the dang vest if that's what it comes down to. It's silly to let a vest ruin a good friendship. Again, none of this is your business anyway, so just let your FI handle it.
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VIP September 2019
Lauren · on September 6, 2019 at 11:28 AM
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So she can afford a new dress and shoes but he can't afford a vest...right...
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Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on September 6, 2019 at 12:08 PM
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OP should throw this in their faces lol
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VIP September 2019
Lauren · on September 6, 2019 at 12:09 PM
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Right?! Not to further the drama but I can be pretty like that. 😂
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Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on September 6, 2019 at 12:13 PM
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Lol I wouldn't even consider this to be petty or furthering the drama. This is more of a "I know you guys are full of bs" statement. I'm now 100% convinced if OP says that to them, the majority of the drama will go away.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on September 6, 2019 at 11:35 PM
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Honestly, Sally sounds like the issue. She might be insecure about her husband walking down the aisle with someone other than her (yes petty/ very insecure but i've been there with my FH, not my proudest moment, but stressed (silently) over it).

I would encourage FH talk to Bill and get to the root of the issue. Sally should not expect to be in the wedding and she should not be talking about being a backup...thats just weird.

Are you having a head table or sweet heart table? If youre having a sweetheart, tell her, that might make her feel better too. But at the end of the day, she needs to chill and understand this day isn't about her or Bill.
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Devoted November 2019
Heather · on September 6, 2019 at 11:46 PM
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Get this- we are having a destination wedding in Jamaica. My FH opened his big mouth and offered to cover all of the expenses for his two groomsman. Ok fine, we will make it work. We bought the attire for the wedding party (only 2 each). His oldest friend just started a new job and was wishy washy about committing to the time off. When we saw him in person, he said he would need the lost wages (,on top of us paying for his trip and wedding clothes). Nope. One less groomsman. Obviously has some personal issues (financial to work through). At least that saved me some money. People can be strange.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on September 7, 2019 at 7:25 AM
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So let me get this straight they have been friends since childhood and you FH told said friend if he cant afford the vest he wont talk to him.
Well that's not how real friendships go. If I honestly want my friend to be there for me and he fell on Hard Times I would just buy the vest come on guys are you serious a vest can ruin a friendship.
Secondly why are you even talking to sally? there was no need to even reply to sally because you never asked her to be in the wedding. leave petty sally where she is and there's no reason to be petty yourself. Also its not your place to talk to Bill it's your Fh job.
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Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on September 7, 2019 at 7:43 AM
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Wait, when you say he needs the lost wages, do you mean he was asking you guys to pay for the money he would lose out making at work? If yes, then im completely baffled. I cant believe someone would have the audacity to ask that.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on September 7, 2019 at 8:25 AM
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Wow, that is SO messed up that he'd have the nerve to actually ask that. WOW. Wedding really does bring the weird out of people. I have to shake my head.
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Devoted November 2019
Heather · on September 7, 2019 at 9:37 AM
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Yes. $800 for thanksgiving week which I'm sure would be a max of 3 days off. Hes going through some hard times some of his own making. I think paying for his trip (all-inclusive) and his wedding clothes is enough. They are staying friends. Dissappointing but you never know what battles people are fighting in their own lives. We expect everyone to be as excited for our weddings and fall in line but we have to be reasonable and understanding. Now his father is kinda trying to get out of coming. He abandoned FH as an adolescent but they have been rebuilding as adults. He didnt seem that interested in the beginning and didnt go to FHs first wedding. However, a family dr friend of his said oh, we are both coming. He was excited to have him there so he was crushed again that his Dad was making excuses. We even offered to pay for him. FH will let him off the hook but might not ever talk to him if he bails. I'm talking with the dr friend to make sure he hers FHs Dad there. Dad lives in Mexico but we think he is just uncomfortable in groups. Only 20 guests so suck it up daddy!
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Groomsmen drama

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