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Beginner August 2020

Groomsman’s so used to sleep with my fiancé!

K., on September 8, 2019 at 11:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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One of my fiancé’s best friends is obviously in our wedding. The groomsman’s girlfriend used to sleep with my fiancé. She really liked him but they never dated. I have known her since high school and she has always been stuck up, too good to acknowledge people like me. Before I knew she used to be with my fiancé, she came up to a group of us and said hi to everyone, including my fiancé, except for me. Since I learned about their past, I have been waiting for her to at least acknowledge and say hello to me, pretend to be kind or respectful. 3.5 years later and she still hasn’t spoke to me, said hello, anything at any event we’ve attended. I don’t need to reach out to someone to get her to pretend to be nice. Moral of the story, were within a year of the wedding and I don’t know what to do!!! My fiancé says his friend isn’t dumb and knows I don’t like his girlfriend. I am capable of being acquaintances but don’t need to reach out because I’ve never done anything wrong. I would like to think she wouldn’t know if she isn’t happy for us, has never spoke to me, and used to be with my fiancé. BUT how do I not invite her, especially if her boyfriend is in the wedding? I don’t want to cause an issue between my fiancé and his friend. My friends tell me to invite her because when they get married I won’t get to go (but I don’t want to go). I don’t want someone to attend my wedding that is going to upset me on my special day. I only want people that love and support us. Thoughts?!?!

also, we live in a smaller town.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by K., on September 9, 2019 at 5:33 PM

Super December 2021
Casey · on September 9, 2019 at 12:27 AM
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You really can't invite him and not her- they are a social unit. I doubt she will cause a scene or anything based on the info provided. You'll be so happy and busy you won't even notice her. It isn't like his being a GM means she'll be around- especially if you're doing a sweetheart table. Address the invite to him and his SO (her) and move on. Don't let it bother you.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on September 9, 2019 at 1:38 AM
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Agreed with Casey - they are a couple, you need to invite her.
Out of curiosity, how is it possible that she hasn't once acknowledged your presence in 3.5 years? What does she say and do when you say hello to her?
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on September 9, 2019 at 2:00 AM
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Woah I would honestly invite her for the sake of etiquette. That’s really hard though. I would see if your FH is okay with her attending. It would be a bummer if he dropped out in favor of standing up for her.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 9, 2019 at 6:00 AM
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I agree with PPs, I would invite her. You can’t really spite someone for not reaching out to you when you haven’t made an effort either. I imagine the interactions are just as awkward for her as they are you. She might decline the invitation anyway.
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Master January 2015
null · on September 9, 2019 at 8:03 AM
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I agree that it would definitely cause issues if you chose not to invite her. And from your description, I know the type you're referring to, but in all honesty she could be "scared" to try and talk to you anyways because she knows you know her and your FH had a fling. I say just be the bigger person, reach out to her, and try to be cordial. If she shuts you down and is totally rude to you, then you have reason to go to FH and his friend and say you've tried to be friends with her and she's not interested. I wouldn't be comfortable having her at the wedding at that point.
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VIP September 2019
Yam · on September 9, 2019 at 9:10 AM
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Sorry, as the host of this event you have to invite social units, it’s etiquette. Be a gracious host and invite both of them, then enjoy your wedding. This isn’t a movie, she’s not going to do something dumb and dramatic to steal the show or get close to him. You probably won’t even notice she’s there. It’s awkward for both of you, I guarantee you both feel the same way. Who wants to approach anyone when they know they’re not liked?
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Super August 2020
Anna · on September 9, 2019 at 9:37 AM
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Invite her. Let bygones be bygones. She probably feels just as awkward and you will look like the better person for inviting her.
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Lady · on September 9, 2019 at 10:01 AM
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You have to invite her. Who cares if she used to sleep with your fiance - she doesn't anymore. Why would you expect her to say anything to you about that? Invite her, be polite when you see her, and that's it.
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on September 9, 2019 at 4:22 PM
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I would invite her. I have a somewhat similar situation except the girl had a crush on FH and he was oblivious. When it's really eating at me I tell myself well how would you feel about the new girl this guy loves when he wouldn't give you the time of day. I wouldn't like the girl either....and that's how I "forgive" her behavior towards me.

Be the bigger person. As others have said, she won't do anything. And you'll barely notice her.
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Beginner August 2020
K. · on September 9, 2019 at 5:33 PM
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I know she won’t do anything. The point is it goes back years before I was even with my fiancé. She is stuck up and too good to acknowledge me. I have commented on her posts and sent her little things online and she’s never responded. (Within the last year to avoid this issue and be able to say she isn’t as rude as she’s always been)..I don’t need to continuously put in the effort to try and be an acquaintance when she can’t do the same. I’ve never done anything to her, her nose has always just been too far up in the air to see me lol. So I have put in effort with small things to break the ice but she’ll read it and not respond. Part of a relationship is trying to get along with the friends SO and I have tried more than I should. She has no reason not to like me and to ignore my efforts for breaking the ice. Can I send her a message to address the issue before I send out invites?
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