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Beginner September 2020

Groomsman issue

Max, on August 13, 2020 at 4:35 PM Posted in Planning 1 17
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We were originally supposed to get married in May and ended up postponing until Sept (less than 30 days yay!). Groomsman were given MULTIPLE opportunities to get their outfits since Nov 2019. Now one of the groomsmen for whatever reason didn't get theirs and now the items are either discontinued or not available in their size. I don't want to be a total jerk and kick them out of the wedding party, but at the same time having well over 9 months to take care of this, I don't really feel bad for them. And just so it's out there they were not affected by Covid in any way just lazy. What should I do? Let them be a part of the ceremony but be an outlier? Ask them to give up groomsman role? I'm definitely frustrated but trying to handle this as calmly as possible

17 Comments

Latest activity by Tina, on August 16, 2020 at 3:59 PM
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Is there anyway they could find that specific outfit used perhaps?
    • Reply
  • E
    Devoted July 2021
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    I’d leave it up to your fiancé to decide what he wants. If he still wants him in the wedding, I’d help find either a used outfit as mentioned above or something as close as possible so he doesn’t stick out too much.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Grooms are on WeddingWire too.

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  • M
    Beginner September 2020
    Max ·
    • Flag
    Forgot to add I'm the groom and I'm the one who is frustrated lol
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I think it depends on how important the outfit is to you. Can you find the same clothing items from a different store? If you don't want him to stand out, I think this is one of the rare occurrences where it's okay to ask someone to step down. His whole role is to show up in the attire that you chose and he couldn't do that.

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  • M
    Beginner September 2020
    Max ·
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    I'm sure he can find something similar, but it's just frustrating because everyone else was able to get theirs with no issues. We did pick somewhat unique colors that might be hard to match and selfishly it's my wedding and I don't want pictures ruined because someone was lazy. Maybe I'm a groomzilla 😂
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Not at all! You're literally asking for the bare minimum.

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  • E
    Devoted July 2021
    Emily ·
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    So sorry! That’s what I get for assuming...I would decide how much you care about your friendship then. Weddings get super messy in situations like this and ultimately the friendship may end if you kick him out of the wedding. If he is a good friend other than being lazy when it came to the outfit, I’d again help him find something as similar as possible.
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  • E
    Devoted July 2021
    Emily ·
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    Thanks for the reminder!
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  • Suzie
    Super October 2020
    Suzie ·
    • Flag

    I would look for something as similar as you can, but he needs to step up and you go together. I’d also ask your fiance what they think, in case they have strong feelings about it as well. You don’t want one groomsman standing out, he will look like the groom! Totally understand the frustration, and honestly, if you don’t find something comparable, then it’s on him and he will have to deal with not being in the wedding. As Caytlyn said, you’re asking the bare minimum. You asked with plenty of time for him to get the chosen outfit, and he chose not to. I had to check in constantly with my bridesmaids about ordering dresses, and then COVID hit and no one was able to shop. I was SUPER irritated because there were 4 months in between me choosing the dress and the COVID shut downs. They ended up measuring themselves without trying them on and sending their order in anyway. Not my fault they planned poorly - same goes for you! Can the shop order a custom suit for him that matches? Or do extra alterations to make a suit fit? He’s really cutting it close, we were behind ordering suits in July for our October wedding! Good luck.

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I would tell him he can be a guest. Since he couldn't get the outfit you requested then he doesn't need to be in the wedding. If he has a problem with it, he has no one to blame, but himself. The only requirement a groomsman has is to wear the outfit requested of him and he couldn't even do that. Also, I totally agree that I wouldn't want him in a different outfit as he will definitely stand out and you are paying for those photos so they should look how you want them. It would drive me crazy to look back on my photos and see that my friend was so lazy that he couldn't purchase the right outfit. I can tell you it annoys me that the groomswoman, who was in the same outfit has a bridesmaids, very lazily tied the sash around the front of her waist whereas everyone else did a nice neat bow in the back. She went and got dressed in her own hotel room and didn't bother to check with me or anyone else about how the sash should've been tied.

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  • Taran
    Expert September 2020
    Taran ·
    • Flag

    It sucks to be in that situation. I'd say give the internet another once over to see if you can find something that matches to your satisfaction, but since he didn't do the one thing he was required to (you had one job, lol) it's completely appropriate to not have him be part of the wedding party. At the end of the day you want to look back at pictures and see you and your significant other, not be distracted by someone that doesn't match.

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  • A
    Dedicated June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with most of the previous posters on this....this dude had one job! It almost seems like his inaction is a passive way of saying "being in this wedding isn't that important to me," as much as that would suck if it were true. I wouldn't want to look back at wedding pics and think "oh yeah, such-and-such was my GM, but he couldn't be bothered to get his suit... I wonder how important our friendship was/is to him." Now if he were the Best Man, he could pull off a different suit...maybe. But as a GM...no. You and your FS had to postpone your wedding from May to September....so I'm wondering what he was gonna do if the wedding actually happened in May?? And wasn't the new date kind of a reminder that he should, uhhhhh, do the one thing required of him as a groomsman for his buddy's upcoming wedding?? I would suggest that this groomsman start getting his act together...if he can't find the same suit somewhere, somehow in time for the wedding (nearby formalwear stores, eBay, OfferUp, whatever)....ask him to kindly sit on the front row as an honored guest (and maybe ask the photographer to still get an individual photo of you and him together, as most people do with their BMs/GMs). Good luck!

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2020
    Suzie ·
    • Flag
    Keep us posted, Max! I’m invested in this now, and need to know! 😆
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  • A
    Dedicated June 2021
    Allie ·
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    Same!! Please let us know what you decide to do / how it goes!

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  • M
    Beginner September 2020
    Max ·
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    So far he was able to get everything but the tie on eBay. We recommended mercari or something else like poshmark for guys. We'll see what happens!!!
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  • T
    Devoted August 2020
    Tina ·
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    Best of luck! That’s pretty good to find most stuff, but yeah I’m sure you aren’t super stressed anymore. Nothing wrong wanting things to look nice. I know my wedding the ceremony was that way too. It ended up ok. Technically you and your future spouse is what people look at so if the toe isn’t totally perfect it’s ok. 👍🏻
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