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Just Said Yes July 2019

Grooms Family Contributions

Isabella, on July 1, 2019 at 12:57 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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Hi there,
I was hoping for some advice.
I’m getting married in 27 days, a little back story- my mom and I have always had a rocky relationship, she mentally abused me as a kid and always put men before me. Left my dad causing him to raise my brother and I alone.
Long story short, she is paying $5000 towards my wedding and is upset that my fiancé’s family is only paying for the rehearsal dinner. She keeps calling him and his family losers and telling me that that’s going to be my life and i’ll never be taken care of and much more. I’m so tired of being put down. What is the tradition of the grooms contributions? Thank you.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on July 4, 2019 at 3:45 AM

Master October 2020
Mandi · on July 1, 2019 at 1:17 AM
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Traditionally the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner.
Its 2019 tho, so we're paying for our whole shindig.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 1, 2019 at 1:19 AM
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It's nice for anyone to contribute anything to your wedding. My parents and his always said if we needed help we could come to them and both offered money but we paid everything on our own.
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Champion December 2017
earias · on July 1, 2019 at 1:22 AM
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No one really follows the tradition of following who pays for what anymore. That tradition was established when couples were married very young and had no money of their own to pay for their own wedding. It was also a time when society held women back and viewed them more like property than equal partners thus demanding the woman's parents pay for the wedding as a type of dowry for the groom now assuming the responsibility of taking care of the bride. Now couples are expected to pay for their own wedding. Some parents contribute because they want to, but they are certainly not obligated to do so. Your mother is out of line and has unreasonable expectations of what it means to "be taken care of" since you should be able to take care of yourself.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on July 1, 2019 at 3:24 AM
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Traditionally the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. Your mom decided what she can contribute and that's all she needs to know. Honestly It's none of her business what your FH's family pays. She shouldn't know that in the first place. Different people pay what they can/want to. Most people don't follow tradition these days anyways. My mom hasn't offered to help with this wedding but I don't expect her to. I know she's not in the best place financially. FH's parents haven't offered and we don't expect them to either. It's our wedding that we're paying for. Would it be nice? Definitely. Is it expected? No
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Expert October 2019
Heather · on July 1, 2019 at 7:39 AM
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Traditionally, the brides family pays for the wedding and the grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner. However, it is 2019 and times have changed. It’s very rare that people follow tradition anymore. I would tell your mom that you’re grateful for their contribution because they really aren’t required to help at all.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 1, 2019 at 7:47 AM
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Traditional family contributions are long outdated. It's 2019. If a couple wants to get married and throw a party to celebrate, they're responsible for the cost. It's great that your mother has the means to help you financially, but not everyone is so lucky. I absolutely wouldn't tolerate her behavior and would tell her to take her $5,000 and find something else to do on my wedding weekend because she wouldn't be invited after speaking of my FS and in laws that way.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 1, 2019 at 10:14 AM
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Traditional is grooms family does rehearsal and honeymoon, bride's family does wedding and reception.
But it's 2019 and it's do whatever works so personally I'm footing the whole bill. Sounds like your mom is picking a fight to be dramatic.
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Super August 2021
Wendy · on July 1, 2019 at 10:51 AM
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I totally agree!!! Couldn’t have been said any better!!
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on July 1, 2019 at 11:33 AM
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I'd tell your fiance to block your mother's phone number. His family aren't "losers". Traditional etiquette is they pay for the rehearsal dinner ONLY. If they have more to contribute, that's nice, but it certainly isn't required.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on July 2, 2019 at 12:40 PM
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Traditionally yes, the bride's families do pay for most of the wedding with the groom's paying for the rehearsal dinner and (maybe) the honeymoon.
But we're paying for most of the wedding ourselves. My parents put down the deposit on our venue. And my FFIL is paying for the rehearsal dinner which will probably be about the same amount.
My mom has offered to pay for my alterations since I wouldn't let her buy my dress. We didn't discuss price when we were shopping so it didn't feel right to me for letting her pay.
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