Hi I’m in another dilemma which has caused me to avoid my friend like the plague. My soon to be husband doesn’t like my good friend. They haven’t spoke in years and he can’t forget her hurting him. She keeps calling me asking about the wedding and I just can’t bring my to tell her I can’t invite her without upsetting my soon to be husband. Asking for some serious advice.
If you are planning to not invite your best/good friend (you wrote both adjectives so not sure which you meant) to your wedding because of your fiancé; It would be a kindness to her to break off the entire friendship now. Why string her along with the false promise of a friendship that is in essence over.
You didn't say what happened but you mentioned she "hurt" your fiancé. If this was so serious that they haven't seen each other in years, then I am not sure how you thought you were ever going to be able to hold onto this friendship.
It sounds like a tough situation. I feel for both of you.
I am also wondering what she could have done to hurt your FH because if it was something truly bad then I would question why you are even good friends with someone who did something awful to your fiancé.
Violence is one thing. But is it was a matter of hurt feelings he needs to act like an adult and let it go. He does not ever have to like her, or anyone whohas hurt him. But he needs to be polite and covil when they meet, and she needs to be too. Nursing this grudge is not doing anything to help him. And it is dysfunctional, actually hurtful to you. So he passes on his hurt to hurt you, not OK. We all have people we dislike or are angry with. But whether it is a hated partner from a bad marriage, or some other thing gone by, when he lets his past with someone carry over to affect other people, he has a psychological problem to be dealt with. I would not marry anyone whose way of dealing with an old other-person hurt, was to control me or put limits on my life, or isolate me, or put a wall between me and a good friend.
My fiancé didn’t like my best friend I’ve known for years, and my MOH. He said she said something that offended him, and ever since then he simply didn’t like her. I told him when we got engaged, she is the only one I wanted up there with me, and he was just going to have to get over it. It means more to me to have her there than it does for him not to have her there. (Hope that made sense) You could be effectively ending your friendship if you don’t invite her simply because your fiancé can’t get over one incident..,,,,,mind you I don’t know what was said or done, i can imagine there could possibly be a couple things to cause a serious problem, but if it was huge than one would think you would be upset with her too....
We can’t possibly like every person we meet or need to be around, but if she’s your best friend, he needs to try. Maybe they need to talk it out lol. My bestie and fiancé hashed it out a few months ago over a few drinks, and now the “problem” it’s history. I hope you are able to work it out with the both of them
Not knowing how she hurt him, I can only go from speculation. However, I think it's not a good thing that he's been holding a grudge for *years* - especially if what hurt him was something that you were able to forgive (unless you're forgiving egregiously terrible behavior).
This is such a toxic and antiquated viewpoint - OP please do not listen to this. By saying that only physical violence warrants not having a relationship with someone? Have you ever heard of verbal abuse? We have no idea what the actual scenario is but to say he needs to suck it up and let it go unless it was violence is destructive and dismissive of his *feelings* which are real and valid. Please stop promoting toxic masculinity - men having emotions and views based on their feelings being hurt is a good things.