Great , but sometimes unreliable friends

Hi Jacqueline! Welcome to the WeddingWire Community! I would suggest actually gathering your potential bridesmaids together and pitch your intentions to them to get an idea of where they stand. Communicating with them firsthand will help your leary feelings. Don't worry about it too much; I'm pretty sure once you all meet and talk things through, you'll be able to reach a common ground. Good luck!

Your wedding is your and your partner's event to plan. Unless they offer wedding parties don't have to do anything. If you go at the planning without expectations on your friends and family you will be happier and more content. Anything anyone offers to help you with will be gravy.

Now that you have that in mind think about who your nearest and dearest friends and family are. Who do you want to call first with good news and whose shoulder fo you want to cry on during difficult times. Choose those people. Gender doesn't matter, matching numbers don't matter, and most any other qualifier doesn't matter.

The idea of a wedding party is for you to honor the people who are dearest to you. It is not asking for unpaid workers for your wedding. You are honoring them, not asking them to honor you.

Enjoy your planning time. Just remember that your friends and family are always more important than a one day event.

@Mim is absolutely right. You also don't HAVE to have a bridal party at all.

No one will be as excited for your wedding as you are. Plan with your FH and if they decide to throw you parties that's on them.

Also, not the best idea to count your chickens before they hatch.

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Exactly this.

Picture the first people you will call or text when you're engaged (other than parents). Thats your bridal party.

As others said, the wedding planning is your responsibility, not theirs. If they choose, they may plan a bridal shower or bach party for you. There may be some drama there but you shouldn't be dragged into it. I kept it simple with No bridal shower and an intimate weekend with close girl friends. Minimal drama!

Do not for a moment think about gathering your potential bridesmaids together to pitch your intentions or anything else.

Your potential bridesmaid have lives of their own. The last thing they need is a bride trying to organize some common ground between them and you.

Your wedding is yours to plan. Other than showing up in the required dress, everything else they may or may not do is purely optional. This includes watching you try on dresses, visiting venues, tastings, shopping, hosting showers, planning a bachelorette etc

One way you can minimize unorganized drama is to minimize your wedding party. Having only a Maid of Honor and Best Man minimizes communication amazingly well.

View Quoted Comment Terrible idea

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I would most certainly not get my friends together and see who's going to do what for/with me in regards to my wedding. It's so out of line.... Like "Hey, thanks for coming. Just wanting to see who's actually going to help me, and actually throw my parties"... Yeah hard No for me... That's definitely a way to hurt feelings.. amongst other things.

I understand wanting to know who would be in your BP, however I think it's a bit premature. It's recommended to choose your BP 6-8 months before the wedding. Not as soon as you're engaged. I didn't even choose mine till around March. I never even really thought about it until I got engaged. Relationships change, friendships change. I thought for sure one of my friends would be my MOH, I had to realize that she's become a different person, and makes zero effort in our friendship to even see me, or even speak to me, thus she's not my MOH. It was hard to come to accept that, but again, people grow apart, friendships change.

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I definitely would not do this. It seems like you're interviewing them for positions rather than honoring them.

I would just think about those that you would want to stand beside you on your big day. Those you can't imagine it without. And if you can only see drama there, keep it simple. Have a MOH and a Best Man like my friend did. But don't worry about it yet. You would only have to ask them somewhere around 6 months out.

You should ask anyone you want to have in the wedding party individually, not in front of a group. If they aren't able to accept or have any circumstances that might limit how much money or time they can contribute, they should be able to talk to you privately and not be pressured to commit to anything in front of a group.

Hey, my two girls were my BFF and my sister, and they're both hard to get ahold of and hard to schedule things with....hey are also my most beloved people (aside from H of course) and I couldn't imagine anyone else with me. So I simply went into it with no expectations. I asked them each to find a floor-length black dress and show up the day of, and they both did! There weren't any pre-wedding get togethers with the three of us, and the only extra thing that happened was my sister coming to the hotel to have some drinks and a burger with me the night before the wedding. It was a perfect day and I'm so glad they were with me.

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This is soooo true.

also, you are not engaged yet and don't know exactly when you will be or how long your engagement will be... relationships may change in the course of that happening