Grandmother with Dementia?

Imagine how hard and scary it is for her right now. She's confused and not as sharp as she was just a short while ago. DH's grandfather is going through dementia and it's a battle every day. She will not cause a scene, I doubt, and I'm sure people will be very understanding and patient, and willing to help her with what she needs help with. Don't be so focused on you having a picture perfect shower: focus on the important thing, which is celebrating with your loved ones.

^^^ Nailed it! I am a nurse and have dealt with numerous patients with Dementia. It is just as hard for them as it is for their family. Try to be patient. I understand you may be frustrated/scared but she raised you. I am sure she would love nothing more than to celebrate these special moments with you.

Yes that part I completely understand, as I said before I've been a nurse for several years with dementia and alzheimers. I know this is hard for her, because I can see that sometimes it seems to click that her mind isn't working the way it should. She is the most important person to me in the world, I wish I could convey through this message the vindictive nature she has taken on and that is more what I'm concerned with. I'm torn between talking with her prior to my shower and kinda gauge how shes feeling, or just wait and see how it plays out.

Her change in demeanor is unfortunately a very common side affect with dementia. It's tough to deal with but not much you can do. What kind of talk were you considering having? I can't see it being much help, unfortunately.

How far along is she? If you have a talk with her, will she remember it at the shower or is she too forgetful?

My father's girlfriend had dementia and while she wasn't vindictive or mean, she became so outspoken and loud in public (no inhibitions) that we really couldn't take her out anymore. She'd say things like "Do you see how FAT that woman is? Why doesn't she diet?" It was heartbreaking and embarrassing.

It might help to give her a small distraction, to keep her calm. Have her "help" with a crafty wedding prop (origami for example) or, depending on how lucid she is, she could write down the names of gift givers. Anything that keeps her busy without being too demanding, it would help her stay calm and even make her feel needed.

I spent the better part of the last decade working in a memory care center, along with facilitating a support group for the Alzheimer's Association. It seems like she is still in early stages of dementia. The change in demeanor is a challenge. It can just come out of nowhere. Maybe designate a family member to stick with grandma... they can redirect her if she gets confused, agitated or over-stimulated. If nothing else works, send them out with grandma to run a fictitious errand. I would definitely have a plan. She may be fine, but she could have an episode. Sometimes when a demented person is in the early stages it can be really taxing and overwhelming to have to keep up appearances and they end up melting down. Just try to anticipate any sign of distress.

She may cause a scene but you will have lots of support there and she is family!

Ah, I am sorry you are going through this. I run a Dementia Unit and the personality changes are the hardest Have you thought about giving her a role for your shower or having her their for a limited time? Sounds like she is struggle to cope with the changes that are happening

Can you have a trusted family member as point person that if your grandmother needs to leave, can take her home?