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Beginner April 2019

Grandmother being stubborn about wearing a bra with her formal dress

Fb, on February 6, 2019 at 3:39 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 21

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Hey all,
I'm getting married this April and my grandmother is looking for a dress. The style she's leaning towards is a floor length mother of the bride dress with silk and bead work. The one she likes is beautiful, however when I asked her what undergarments she was planning on wearing I was really shocked when she said she was not going to wear a bra. My grandmother is a size 14, and has breasts that on the larger side. Also they hang down to her belly button, as they do when they get older. I don't care if she doesn't want to wear a bra every other day off the year, but the silk dress with the beaded neckline that she chose looks very bad without something under it. We're a close family, she's going to be in our wedding portraits. I tried to compromise and lead her to the dresses that have jackets, but she's insisting on the one where they will be most noticably saggy looking.

I'm trying to tell myself that it's not disrespectful for her to not wear appropriate undergarments at her granddaughters wedding, but it's really frustrating me. If she was the type to not believe in bras, or if she was infirm that would be one thing, but she keeps saying "I'm 85 years old, no one will care, bras are uncomfortable."

Yes, formal-wear is uncomfortable. We're not going to a pajama party, it's a wedding. Her only grandchild. The most special of occasions. I don't want to look at all my pictures and try not to notice my grandmothers breasts. What do I do here?

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on February 9, 2019 at 8:33 PM

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Mim · on February 6, 2019 at 3:43 PM
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You do nothing. She gets to dress her body however she desires
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on February 6, 2019 at 3:46 PM
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Hmm, I'm not sure what you can do other than try to stay positive. When you look back on your wedding pictures, you can laugh and think "crazy old lady." BUT if it is really bothering you, and y'all are close, I'm sure you could delicately let her know that you would really appreciate it if she wore one.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on February 6, 2019 at 3:48 PM
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You've mentioned it, that's all you can do. Her body, her choice. I'd just try my hardest to let it go. Not worth worrying about.
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Lady · on February 6, 2019 at 3:52 PM
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This is none of your business. She can wear or not wear whatever she wants!
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Champion December 2017
earias · on February 6, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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I agree with what's already been said. She is not a child for you to dress. IMO, it is very disrespectful of you to get in her business that way. This is none of your business. I could never imagine talking to my elders about their undergarments, unless they had dementia or couldn't dress themselves for some reason.
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Devoted September 2019
Paige · on February 6, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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Idk, my Grammie wanted to wear a super low cut empire waist dress for my cousins wedding and she looked awful in it because her boobs were actually underneath the waist. I love her enough that I told her that dress was not appropriate because I didn’t want her and my cousin to look back and cringe, but also because a lot of my grandmothers friends were there and I didn’t want her embarrassed when the pictures came back.
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Devoted September 2019
Paige · on February 6, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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I don’t think saying something is treating her like a child, personally. But my family is very, very close and we are honest with one another.
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Mim · on February 6, 2019 at 4:09 PM
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The OP already said something. There is nothing left to do.
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Devoted October 2019
Annemarie · on February 6, 2019 at 4:11 PM
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Ask her if you can be honest with her.

If she says yes, then you can delicately explain to her your opinion.

But once you do, you can't bring it up again or stress about it. Pick from literally 1000 other things about your day to consume your mind with. You can tell her what you think, but ultimately does not have to listen to you as she isn't in the wedding party.
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Dedicated September 2019
tempestt · on February 6, 2019 at 4:13 PM
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First of all, I am laughing at the title (it's funny & cute). Secondly, your granny sounds alot like mine and she hates bras. My granny was this way at a retirement party we threw for my dad. She did agree to wear the bra just for me but two hours into the party she was snatching it off at the table. We all just laughed, there wasn't much more we could do. So I am sure she will do it just because she loves and wants you to be happy.
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Super March 2019
Bailey · on February 6, 2019 at 4:25 PM
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You did what you can do. It’s extremely rude to tell someone what they have to wear, especially when you’re talking about a bra. I haven’t worn a bra in over a year and I have no problems telling people to shove it when they give me their (uninvited and unwanted) opinions on it.
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Devoted July 2019
Rayna · on February 6, 2019 at 4:32 PM
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There’s nothing wrong with you saying something to her. You’re a close family and I would want someone in my family to tell me. However, saying something is all you can do. You can’t MAKE her wear a bra. You’ve made the suggestion and now it’s on her if she puts more value in comfort.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 6, 2019 at 5:00 PM
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You said something. That’s all you can do. She’s a grown woman and can decide how to dress herself. I can’t believe this is a real post. I wouldn’t have the nerve.
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Savvy September 2019
Suji · on February 6, 2019 at 5:28 PM
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Oh wow what a pickle! I’m kind of in a similar boat - my FH’s dad’s side doesn’t really ... “dress up” to say the least. He gave me the heads up and I saw first hand when I attended a funeral recently. Obviously people are in mourning and the dresscode is somber, but generally people wear at least a suit and tie for funerals. No one on his dad’s side of the family did except my FH. So ... with that being said, I don’t think anyone will dress up for our wedding. I can’t say anything and am at peace with that, but I do understand what you’re going through. Regardless, you are going to have an amazing time, look amazing, feel amazing, and surrounded by all those you love! And your granny is going to look beautiful in her dress and feel comfortable in her skin (hehe) and will be SO HAPPY for you! So at the end of the day, if you’re worried about photos, then you can prep your photographers to set up an arrangement of shots that are the most flattering. Not sure what that would be but hey, worth a shot! 🤷🏻‍♀️

At at the end of the day, your wedding will be phenomenal and like what others have said - you have enough to keep yourself busy. ❤️❤️
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Devoted December 2019
· on February 6, 2019 at 7:19 PM
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The people saying it’s disrespectful or rude to ask her to wear a bra are crazy. Sorry but if my grandma tried to pull that and was nipping out I’d give that a hard no. Is it worth a huge fight? No. But if it’s going to literally look awful, WHICH IT WILL with a satin dress, then you should tell her in a different way. I’m more blunt and I’m close with my family. It’s a “know your grandma” kind of thing. If she’s going to not get too offended, and it’ll TRULY bother you then say something. Just to play devils advocate, at least your grandma will be there and will be in pictures. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Is something as little as a bra worth the fight?
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Devoted December 2018
Sarah · on February 6, 2019 at 10:05 PM
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My family is very close and I would have no problem saying if you get that dress it needs a bra, and send pictures of options that wouldn’t need a bra. There are a plenty of formal dresses/materials that she could get away with no bra.
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Devoted August 2018
Bluey8616f · on February 7, 2019 at 9:12 AM
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I would consult a seamstress to see if there are bra alternatives they can sew into the dress that can help support her but won't make her feel like she's wearing a bra.
But if that doesn't work let your photographer know and see of that's something they can Photoshop for the family portraits she will be in.
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Beginner April 2019
Fb · on February 8, 2019 at 2:04 PM
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This is a great idea, thank you for the advice!!
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Beginner April 2019
Fb · on February 8, 2019 at 2:05 PM
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Agreed! Thanks for the help!
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Beginner April 2019
Fb · on February 8, 2019 at 2:10 PM
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SO TRUE! I feel sorry for these people with these strict relationships with their grandparents. My grandmother would have no problem making her "disdain face" if I chose to wear something inappropriate. You should have seen her face when I told her I bought white lace sneakers to wear under my dress at the reception! My mom and I tease her all the time about how it must be nice not wearing a bra under all her sweatshirt outfits, but I was floored when she said she wouldn't be wearing one under this dress!
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