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Just Said Yes March 2020

Grandma's Demands.

Ashley, on February 10, 2020 at 9:02 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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My fiance's grandmother informed him that if we did not invite his Great Aunt to the wedding, she wouldn't be there.

We intentionally have a limited guest list for budget reasons - our parents, grandparents, and friends who are key people in our lives (i.e. my best friend from the age of 11 is flying in from Hawaii). I have 14 aunts/uncles where my fiance has his Great Aunt and her husband.

We're both furious because his Grandma's reasoning is that we hurt his Great Aunt's feelings by not including her on the invite list and because we hurt her daughter's feelings she won't go without her. When he explained to her that it was because of budget and inviting her meant we felt obligated to invite my side, she restated that she wouldn't be there if we didn't invite his Great Aunt because she is his last Aunt.

He's not even close to his Aunt! He can't stand her.

I don't appreciate being manipulated with his Grandmother's "solution" (ultimatum) to fixing the hurt feelings - to me, she's basically taking her daughter's side over her grandson's - and I am completely livid at his Aunt for making this about her. But it's his Grandma. And he wants her there. So, I want her there.

I've explained to my fiance that I understand but as devil's advocate, an invite is an invite - we can't control who comes and who doesn't; so if his grandma says no, that's completely on HER and that falls on HER for missing our wedding; not us. Then on the other side, it is only 2 extra seats... but when people ask why they got to go and others didn't we can tell them the TRUTH (or we can be the bigger people and tell them it's because we accommodated his grandmother's wish - but that still doesn't take away the anger or make this OK).

Would you give in to her demand? I mean, she's his GRANDMA, and an old lady with poor health. Or stand your ground?

In-laws.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Jodie, on February 10, 2020 at 5:21 PM

Expert October 2020
Onya · on February 10, 2020 at 9:12 AM
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LMFAO I’m standing my ground. Grandma just won’t be there. If she feels like she wants to miss out that’s completely on HER! Do not give in and stress about something so manipulative.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on February 10, 2020 at 9:43 AM
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My grandmother did the exact same thing but she was trying to secure invites for her best friends whom I don't even know. She was also irritated that I wasn't inviting all of my cousins. I invited her siblings (my great aunts/uncles) but she has 4 brothers/sisters and they each have 3-6 children. I couldn't afford to pay for all of them to come and I literally don't even know them so I didn't include them. She's been trying to control my guest list from the start and I told her to get lost. She's not paying and I'm already way over my numbers. The "poor pitiful me" card isn't going to work on me, sorry. I would not give in. Give her an inch and she'll take a mile.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on February 10, 2020 at 10:27 AM
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Sorry you won't be attending grandma. We will send you photos.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 10, 2020 at 10:35 AM
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Nope don’t let someone manipulate you into an invite. If she really wants to miss her grandson’s wedding that’s her choice and if I were your FH I’d seriously be reconsidering how important she is to me, because if she actually misses the wedding then he clearly isn’t important to her
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Beginner September 2020
Kelcy · on February 10, 2020 at 10:40 AM
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If she chooses to miss it, then that's on her. Don't let it weigh on you. It's her decision. You already made yours when you didn't invite the other people because of limited space. It's totally reasonable.
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VIP November 2021
· on February 10, 2020 at 11:16 AM
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Lol I’m totally standing by Onya on this one !!!
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Devoted October 2020
Kaitlyn · on February 10, 2020 at 11:37 AM
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Oh my god I’m going through this same thing with my grandma and her sister. I gave in because I’m a people pleaser but since I only made this decision on Friday and i haven’t actually talked to my grandma, I’m waffling. I think I need to talk to her first. But I’m also not close to them and she’s insisting she won’t come to the reception if I don’t invite them.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 10, 2020 at 12:40 PM
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I feel this is a situation for your FH to handle not you. I would have him let her know that you would of course love to have her there and would be disappointed if she chose not to show up for her grandchild's important day but that truthfully you want to stick to a small guest list and that honestly he does not have much of a relationship with this great aunt (just be real about it) and that if her not being invited means Grandma not attending then he will miss her but respects her decision.
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Expert October 2017
Florida Marlins · on February 10, 2020 at 1:24 PM
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Your husband needs to handle this by saying "I am sorry we will miss you at the wedding." Stand firm!!!
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on February 10, 2020 at 5:21 PM
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This is why we have people that continually like to try to manipulate people...because people let them. You've made a decision, stick to your guns and follow through with that decision. If someone is all bent out of shape about it, so be it. You can never please everyone and will make yourself crazy trying. But the minute you give in, someone (or even Grandma herself) is going to be coming right along with the "You made an exception for Great Aunt whoever...so you can make an exception for me and invite my cousin/uncle/favorite dog walker/etc" (or whatever...) and then you turn into a jerk if you don't give in to them and the cycle continues. In a situation like this you need to let it go. If Grandma chooses to not come because you didn't invite her sister that is her choice. You've done your part. If people can't respect you and your wishes, would you really want them there on what is supposed to be one of the best days of your life?
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