Grandma has cancer...do we move it up?

I agree with your parents. What they said was super wise, actually. I think it'd be nice to include her in things if she would like to be. I'm sure she wouldn't mind being a part of those happy moments with you that would be another memory for her.

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I would wait to hear more about her condition and if the doctors can give a rough timeline. It would be really unfortunate if you moved the wedding for her and compromise your original vision and not know for sure that she'll be there. I would also talk to her personally, if you're close enough. She may not want you to move it up at all for her and may feel uncomfortable with it, you never know. I think the best thing to do is communicate with her directly if you can. Good wishes for you and your family

I think you have to do life as you see fit.. if you can afford it, not be stressed and be happy with the decision to move it up, then you should.. but your mom is right, you can't plan life around life or death. Definitely keep her in the know of the details!! Those memories alone will mean so much to her and it's something positive she has to look forward to! Another event for her to stay focused on! My uncle was in the unexpectedly in the hospital with Pancreatic Cancer when my sister got married years ago.. while it saddened us all that he couldn't make it to the wedding, we had the limo make a detour to the hospital and my sister (bride), her husband, myself (MOH) and our cousin (his grandson and an usher), jumped out and went to his room! The photographer came with and it completely brightened his day, but still gave us memories in such a tough place.

My paternal grandfather was my last living grandparent (my husband didn't have any of his grandparents alive either) so we planned on flying to Arizona and eloping with immediate family the weekend before our big wedding in Colorado, so he could be there since he couldn't fly. Unfortunately he passed away 2 days before my husband proposed. I would do something like get in your dress & take pictures, elope with her early, etc. to make sure she is there for some of it at least.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I would not move up the date for this though, because like you said: the timeline is still unknown. This happened with a friend of mine and she decided to get all dressed up in her wedding dress and take some pictures with her grandma- it was important to her that her grandma see her in the dress. Include her in as many pre-wedding events as you can! Maybe have the shower sooner rather than later so that she can come.

Could you guys do like a small wedding thing with her and then have a reception on your original date?

I’m so sorry. I’m a nurse practitioner in oncology and lots of families ask me these questions. I always advise them to talk to the family member with cancer and see what their feelings about it are.

one of my patients last year had a daughter who was getting married and she knew she wouldn’t make it to the wedding. They did a pre-wedding party 9 months before and took a bunch of photos, had a nice meal, got all family together, etc. I know my patient really really loved it.

I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. I actually agree with your parents. You don’t have a timeline so I wouldn’t move it. I do think involving her might be nice but maybe this is something you need to ask her. I personally don’t know how she is so I can’t answer any of this questions for you. If you don’t want to ask her directly maybe ask the family that is close to her or throw hints to see how she answers. I think she’ll prefer to be a part of anything at least I would but that’s entirely up to her.

First, I am so sorry to hear that.

Maybe my story can help give you some guidance. My husbands mom was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic cancer back in March (started getting sick in February after having a clean, post-gallbladder cancer scan in January) and they told us 3 months - 3 years... thanks, helpful. This was square in the middle of wedding planning as we got engaged and started planning March 2018 for a November 2019 wedding. In July, we found out that the Chemo was doing nothing and the cancer was continuing to progress. Her doctors pretty much told us that if we could move the wedding up, do it. So we planned a small, backyard wedding for immediate family only (20 or so people) for August 17th so we could be sure she would be there to see her baby and only son get married. It wasn't even a question and we are so glad we did. I bought a $30 dress from Penny's, rented 25 chairs and a couple of tables, made a small bouquet with flowers from the craft store, had an Italian place drop off a small catering order, and got a small cake from a local bakery. I scheduled my hair and mak-up trial for that day and our photographer let us use our (otherwise unused) engagement session to capture the ceremony and family pictures (2 hours total). The only thing that was kind of "extravagant" was asking my dear friend to fly in from AZ to officiate (we're on the IL/WI boarder). His mom made us promise to still do November as planned, including the ceremony but obviously wouldn't be signing any paperwork again. If you would have asked me in August, I would have bet a million dollars she would be here for November, but we lost her 2 1/2 weeks ago, almost 6 months to the day of her diagnosis.

If you grandmother is a big part of your life and that important to you, it might be worth it to do something like that. If not, I would agree with your parents. My maternal grandmother, I'd move mountains for her, my paternal grandparents, they were just horrid people.

The issue with moving it up is that her condition is unknown. So, if you really need her there for you, then no matter what everyone else thinks or says, do what you and your future husband sees fit. If that is a memory you want to have, then I would say yes. If you can afford it to move it up, and know that that is what would make you both happy that is all, in my opinion, is what matters.

I am so sorry for this news, it must be hard on everyone.

I would move it up that doesn’t mean you are giving up hope...

I probably would - just because I couldn't' imagine getting married without my Gma. We are super close. However, there is nothing wrong with NOT changing your plans and I think your parents have a great attitude about it. You have to do what makes you personally feel the most comfortable.

If you don't move it, I woudl try to include her as much as possible now - let her come dress shopping, etc.

Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. My grandma passed away in February due to pancreatic cancer and we just got married this past Friday. We originally were going to go to where she lives and have a little ceremony for her to be there, but it just wasn’t possible at the time. I was super close with my grandma and was so sad she wasn’t able to be there, but I have a little necklace and it has her thumb print on it so I wore that. And for our big wedding I will do something to honor her. Personally, I wouldn’t listen to what anyone has to say. If it is important for your grandma to be there, then that’s what you need to do. You can have something small. And you can still have a big wedding later on.

I truly honestly feel you. My grandmother, who was a true angel: selfless, kind, generous, warm, caring and she basically raised me, was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Somehow she knew that I was going to be a doctor and she was so proud. She passed before I received my medical school acceptance. But I think she already knew. Pancreatic cancer can be swift.

Life goes on, even when people around you are sick. It sounds like you are also close to your grandmother. I love the idea of including her in almost every aspect of wedding planning. I don't think she will be sad, in fact she will be the opposite! Perhaps you can have a super early family bridal shower to include her?

Best of luck and I send you and her good wishes.