Good friend didn’t Rsvp, others Rsvp’d for 5 and only bought 2!!!

I completely agree that both cases were incredibly rude! That being said, I would just let it go. Addressing your husband’s boss could result in an unpleasant working environment. And addressing your “friend” isn’t likely going to do anything but frustrate you further. Her behavior clearly states that she doesn’t value your friendship and doesn’t care about your feelings.

1. Your friend is in the wrong. She could have at least communicated with you. If you want to save the friendship, I would share your feelings with her. If you're comfortable letting the friendship fade away, then I'd let it go and just distance yourself

2. His boss is in the wrong. However, being his boss, and someone he has to see day to day, I'd let that one go.

Congrats!

1. Crystal clear from your own account that this girl is not really, or does not want to be - your friend.
2. Wicked rude behavior on their part, but the only thing you can do is let it go.
Time will lessen the annoyance. Congrats on your marriage!

To be honest, I think you really need to reevaluate the friendship/relationship with friend #1. You describe her as a “really good friend,” but there is nothing in your story that indicates she thinks of you the same way. She was giving you signals all along that your wedding wasn’t a priority to her. If this is a friendship you are interested in maintaining, I’d spend some time reflecting to make sure this isn’t truly a one-way relationship, and that your expectations of her are aligned with how strongly she values the relationship.

It doesn't sound like this girl is a close friend any more and she's shown this in her responses. Maybe you just have to let it go and let the friendship fade as it sounds like it has on her side. I know this can be sad but it doesn't sound like she wants to put the effort in to your friendship anymore. The boss though I don't think there is anything you can do about it. It was rude to ask to bring them and rude to then not bring them but your husband still has to work there and doesn't need a toxic work environment so I don't think you can say anything about that one unfortunately.

Definitely rude! I had asked one of my best friends to help out with the wedding and he was so excited, 3D printed a wedding topper for us, had the music planned out, etc. Went totally radio silent 3 months before the wedding. It's been almost a month, still haven't heard from him. No RSVP, nothing. Whatever.

As for the boss asking to bring three people and then they didn't show up, how did they not understand you'd have to pay for them? OMG. Too much! If he wasn't the boss, I'd send him a bill!

Both of those scenarios suck, but I would let them both go. Your story about the boss even makes me pre-annoyed about my own wedding and guest shenanigans. Hopefully coming here to do a post-wedding vent helped at least a little.

You're really overreacting regarding your friend.

It took two weeks to reach her by phone to tell her you were engaged. So? You knew she was busy with a big project.

She ignored the Save the Date. Not sure what exactly you expected when you sent them out. They don't require a response.

You had to ask a few times for her address. You don't know the address of a "very good friend?" Where did you send the STD? At any rate, you got it and sent her invitation.

She told you over the summer that she was going to try her best to be there. You say she has four stepkids. She has big projects at work. She's BUSY, of course she couldn't tell you definitely at that point! She was honest and said she'd try her best.

The due date for RSVPs passed and you didn't hear from her. Once that date passes, it's on you to call those you haven't heard from and ask. Did you?

She texts you that she can't be there a few days beforehand. Yes, she should have let you know sooner, but honestly it sounds like she was trying to juggle Covid and family schedules. Your final numbers were due two weeks earlier - again, that's on you if you didn't call when the RSVP date passed.

Now before I come off sounding like a bridezilla let me just say that a lot of people were not able to attend the wedding due to a variety of reasons - finances, illness, etc. I realize not everyone has the money to fly across country and stay in a hotel for 2+ nights, I realize we’re in the middle of a global pandemic and a lot of people are not comfortable traveling, finally I realize that my wedding is never going to be as important to everyone else as it is to me.

If you truly believe the paragraph above, then why are you so angry with this friend in particular? She has a busy life, 4 kids, it's a destination wedding during a pandemic.

Also the wedding was 4 weeks ago this Sunday and her RSVP still hasn’t arrived, good grief!!!

As for it still not arriving, the post office can and does lose mail regularly.

She's not in the wrong, she's done nothing wrong except to neglect to return her RSVP on time.

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You haven't heard from one of your best friends for over four months? He planned out your music, made you a cake topper, etc. and then just.......nothing? Have you bothered to try to reach him or are you waiting on him to reach out? I'd be worried if one of my best friends suddenly went silent for that long.

I agree with those who feel this is a friendship that seems to have dissolved. While I’m sure it was disappointing realizing that you’re friend did not share your excitement, she seemed to be giving signals all along that attending your wedding (or maintaining a close friendship) was not a priority for her. Sending the RSVP back in a timely manner would have been the polite thing to do. The boss situation was quite rude of him. It is always poor manners to invite others to an event. It is likely he wanted them to come and was oblivious to social etiquette. The extra guests likely were mortified that he would even try to do this! While you could try to talk to him about this, it would likely be an awkward conversation that you might not want to have given it is an employer.

Honestly, that analysis was very accurate of the situation. I don't think she is tearing you down. She is giving another perspective on what happened. If you don't agree, that's fine. I personally find that looking at a situation from an disinterested 3rd party can sometimes be an eye opener. I am sorry you were upset about this situation for your wedding. I am sure it felt bad to you. I hope with time, the pain will lessen.

Take it down a notch. The OP asked for people’s thoughts.

Wait… I see you are the OP. In that case, take it down a notch. You asked for people’s thoughts.

I agree with Pam about the friend. But on an additional note, did you noticeably miss this friend throughout the course of the day? Did it make your day any less special to not have this person there? You seem to be holding on to a lot of resentment for it to be 4 weeks after the wedding and you to be this upset over it, while also saying you understand all the circumstances behind people not attending. Is it frustrating as a bride to not have people as invested in your day, especially in just sending back an rsvp? Absolutely. But, you've stated multiple times she has a lot going on in life, so if this person is as good a friend as you're saying, then maybe cut them some slack.

I agree with Pam.

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He's fine, just ghosting me! I've heard from other people... He spent the weekend at his mom's.

Regarding the situation with your hubby's boss, unfortunately I see that one as kind of on you guys (sorry, I don't want to come off as rude, I'm just expressing my thoughts). I feel like those three extra people should not have been invited as you don't know them. The day is about you both as a couple and I don't think that someone who doesn't know you as a couple should receive an invite. However, I do agree that this was very rude for the boss to do and he obviously does not understand (or respect) how weddings work.

Regarding your friend, I'm sorry to say this, but it seems that she is your friend but you are not hers. Friends show up for you and respect you (your time, money, and sanity) - this "friend" did none of that. I really think the best option for you (you, not her) is to rethink this friendship as it does not appear she cares about you the way you care about her.

I'm so sorry you had do deal with these situations surrounding one of the happiest days of your life. People suck! Congratulations on your marriage and I pray both of you have nothing short of a happy life together!

View Quoted Comment I’ve gotta say, I completely agree with Pam. I think you’re overreacting. I think a lot of what you laid out here is an issue of you wanting certain things done in a certain way, and this friend just didn’t comply (for whatever reason). Nothing here screams insanely rude or like unusual wedding stuff. If it’ll help you feel better to clear the air, by all means, tell her what you feel, but don’t expect her to agree she’s in the wrong when it really just sounds like two people who handle situations differently.