We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Natalie
Beginner September 2020

Good Etiquette vs Do what you want

Natalie, on July 9, 2020 at 1:01 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 28

How do you balance the difference of good etiquette and "it's your day, do what you want". I'm still confused by that.
How do you balance the difference of good etiquette and "it's your day, do what you want". I'm still confused by that.

28 Comments

  • Kerin
    Rockstar February 2021
    Kerin ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Aww! thanks, DJ Smiley heart likewise! Smiley shame

    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You definitely should invite them to both. I would never attend my wedding if my significant other wasn't invited. You want your guests to come to your wedding to celebrate their relationship, but you'd be ignoring theirs.
    • Reply
  • Jana
    Rockstar October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    People think that especially during a pandemic that etiquette no longer applies to anything, despite the etiquette gurus (Miss Manners, etc) saying the opposite and that it still applies.


    "Do what you want" applies to tradition, not etiquette. They are completely different things.
    For example, etiquette says feed your guests. Tradition says it can be a full dinner or cake and coffee.
    Tradition is a father escorting the bride down the aisle, having a bouquet toss, having plus ones for single guests, etc. None of those have anything to with etiquette which is essentially making sure your guests are comfortable as polite hostess.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert October 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    Etiquette means not making your guest uncomfortable, hurting them in any way, being respectful, etc. Not including their partners is the opposite of that. Inviting someone to the reception but not the ceremony is rude, especially since most guests bring gifts to wedding receptions. To some, it’ll be like saying “you aren’t good enough to be there for the most important part but come give me a gift anyway.” It also looks down upon and insults their relationships. A boyfriend or girlfriend can be just as important to someone as a husband or wife, regardless of who else has met that parson. It’s not for anyone else to decide. I wouldn’t attend a wedding where my significant other was not invited and neither would he.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag

    Well, I don't agree with "It's your day, do what you want," so I find it easy to balance that and etiquette. Etiquette wins, every time.

    • Reply
  • Marisa
    Rockstar May 2021
    Marisa ·
    • Flag

    I think I can relate...

    I was talking with a friend recently about our decision to reschedule/postpone things until next year out of concern for everyone’s well being and kept saying “Do what you want” “People with support you no matter what”

    And I had to say “I don’t want people to come to my wedding and get sick with Covid-19” “I don’t want my FMIL to be put at risk given her health and state she is in right now”

    It seemed to me that her idea was insisting me to go ahead with the wedding this year because it’s “What I want.” I had to be clear that out of compassion and concern for everyone else that it’s not what I want. Yeah I’m upset and at a loss right now because of having to cancel. In a sense I guess I am grieving now. Like canceling things such as our AirBNB we had reserved last night just really made me sad. But I’ll get over it.

    Anyway, IDK what you’re getting at specifically, but this is just one example. If you’re able to provide more detail or example(s) of what you find as Selfishness versus Selflessness, let me know.

    • Reply
  • Super August 2020
    ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes! I definitely enjoy not having to go places and talk to people, and I will NOT miss handshakes!
    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I've seen this exact perspective before almost word for word and I just don't get why people think this way.

    Think about how close you are with your FI, how much he means to you, how important he is to you. Now think about your friends, people who have been with you through ups and downs, some of them since way before you met your FI. Your friend, who you care about, has someone in their life that means as much to them as your FI does to you, and you refer to that person as a "stranger" like some random person off the street?

    It's so disrespectful to your friend to treat their significant other and their relationship as meaningless to you while asking your friend to celebrate this meaningful event in your life, your relationship, with your partner. Especially in your case, OP, as the guy is literally marrying you.

    I think this is a casualty of the small wedding trend in recent years...people get wrapped up in the idea that exchanging vows is an "intimate" thing. It's not. Weddings are traditionally community events, not VIP ones; vows are public declarations of private feelings. This doesn't mean you need to invite 500 people but when you're excluding people's significant others because you don't want them to witness your "intimate" wedding vows...that's overboard.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×