Emilia
Expert June 2019

Going to someone else's wedding...

Emilia, on July 18, 2021 at 2:19 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 25
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Hello everyone ! I know you are all preparing your weddings... but are you invited to the weddings of other couples too ?
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Do you compare yourselves to them...? Do you observe to know what (not) to do at your own wedding ? If so, what are your conclusions ?Sometimes I realise that a lot of couples do stuff for their guests which are not even noticed or appreciated... I think it's good to try to look at our own Day from other perspectives sometimes... Have you learned something as a guest to do or not to do at your wedding ?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Shadia, on September 14, 2021 at 12:44 AM
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    When planning, one of our major guidelines was this:

    If we didn't remember it from someone else's wedding, *it wasn't important enough for us to care about*.

    So, for us, things like linens, which a lot of people can get very worried about... we never noticed them. Honestly, most people won't notice them unless they are dirty or gross in some way!

    On the flip side, we focused on things we remembered - unique ceremonies, or decor that reflected the couple.

    We tried NOT to compare, though, because everyone has different budgets, constraints, tastes, and family traditions.

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  • VIP August 2020
    ·
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    We got engaged in October 2019 so, due to COVID, we only went to one wedding (other than our own 2020 miniwedding) while planning and, while it was lovely, it was larger and more extravagant than anything I would've wanted.


    We did try to think about things the way Rebecca did, though. If we couldn't remember it from other weddings, it probably wouldn't matter to our guests. So, we decided not to have pre-poured champagne for toasts (I remember one wedding where it was disgustingly sweet and nothing about any others) and we're having a seating chart instead of escort cards, because doesn't create as much of a line.
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  • Ariel
    Devoted October 2021
    Ariel ·
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    I’ve been to 3 weddings this summer and I have 3 more before my own in October. It’s really hard not to compare. At the weddings, my FH and I find ourselves being wedding critics and it takes away from the fun of the wedding. It’s really terrible but we can’t help ourselves. At the next few weddings coming up I’m going to try harder to be in the moment and to stop thinking about my own wedding.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    My high school job was as a catering server, so I "attended" hundreds of weddings between ages 15 and 19. That left a huge impression on me and is the biggest reason I had a deliberately small, simple, inexpensive courthouse-with-restaurant-lunch-afterwards wedding. So, I would have to answer yes to your questions! Smiley laugh

    I knew everything I didn't want, from the beginning, and since my now-husband was in agreement with me, it made wedding planning very easy.

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  • Liz W
    Dedicated October 2021
    Liz W ·
    • Flag

    My fiancé's twin got married last month, and on the way home we started dissecting it. That was until I realized their wedding was planned for THEM, not us, not the other guests. So while there were some logistical things we agreed we didn't want (I'm not a fan of speeches at receptions--give me food, give me drinks, give me cake, and let me dance! haha), most of what we were nit-picking were things that made sense for his brother and SIL. I'm sure they'll have similar thoughts on our wedding as well, and I'm sure when my friend gets married next year, she'll use our wedding as a "I don't want that" basis, too. But that's fine. I'm not planning my wedding for them--my wedding is what my FH and I want, and if people don't like it...oh well! Smiley laugh

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  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
    • Flag

    We're going to a wedding in October this year, and one in the summer next year! We've been to lord knows how many before now though lol.

    One thing we took notice of was that we did NOT want a spring/summer wedding in Georgia lol. Every wedding we went to in the spring/summer was way too hot, and we for sure didn't want to deal with that lol. We went to one wedding last year that made us change our minds on not wanting assigned tables, didn't want them but now we know it's a must.

    FH and I don't go out of our way to critique a wedding DURING it, but we find ourselves talking about it on the drive home! I like that he pays attention like I do, because it's made wedding planning a lot easier for us since we have a general idea of what we want and don't want.

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  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
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    Have gone to a few weddings, made cakes for my dear friends who get married, and do not compare the weddings at all. I remember that it is their day and all their choices reflect on what was important to them, as will FH and I’s wedding. Sometimes I can be hard if they have had a bigger budget compared to ours, but overall we think about how blessed we are to get the chance to make our wedding day about us, just like they did! 🥰
    • Reply
  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    I've chosen the same guideline I guess ! I realise that I don't really remember every meal, the taste of a wedding cake or the centerpieces... I do remember the ceremonies, the people, the atmospere... A d all in all I think that people remembered exactly that after my wedding too.
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  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    It wasn't the real champagne then 😁.
    The sitting plan, yes... that makes me thonk about a friend's wedding where we had to go from table to table to find our seats as there was a plan
    ..but on each table separately. So I found myself on the 9th one! 😓
    • Reply
  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    Did you consider participating in "4 weddings..." ? 😁 When I was preparing my wedding I tried really hard to see it from our guests' perspective as much as possible... to be sure that they will be satisfied. Og course that is impossible as everyone has his own standards...
    • Reply
  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    To be honest I dreamed about such a wedding ! Just an intimate moment with the closest relatives... but then I found out that my FH has actually lots of them! 😉
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  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    A lot of brides around me have the same approach - they don't stress about people's opinion and that surely is healthier for the whole preparation process 😉 But still there are some boundaries - I've seen couples who would choose a very special menu knowing that they are the only ones that eat this type of stuff... Or they refuse to serve a different meal for the vegetarians... in this case why even invite other people...😁
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  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    That's cool that your fiancé is involved! And knowing what we DON'T want is surely important 😁
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  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    I agree ! The wedding should be unique ! But still we can be inspired by someone else's one I think... about the organisation , planning, etc...
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  • Liz W
    Dedicated October 2021
    Liz W ·
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    Oh 100%! I'm very much a people pleaser--I'm gluten free, but only have 1 thing for me that is gluten free for desserts, and the rest aren't. My sister, and my FH's brother/SIL are pescatarian, and I've really been struggling to make sure they are taken care of food-wise (I refuse for anyone to just eat sides for dinner at our Rehearsal Dinner and/or the Reception). I want people to enjoy their time with us, I just don't want to compare to other weddings I've been to, other than knowing certain items I do and don't want for our day. I would never yuck someone's yum--what they chose for certain decorations, themes, music, etc. was for them, not me. Do I like the Pinterest barn/rustic style weddings? Not for my wedding, but they work for some people.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Whenever i've been to weddings i don't think i've compared it to mine because everyone's is so different in terms of budget, etc that it makes it kind of hard to compare. you know someone having a 40k wedding compared to a 10k wedding for instance, it's going to be really different

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  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    Maybe I'm too influenced by the French vision of things - they have so many unchangeable standards or ideas on things that should/must be like this or that ... I',m just used to the fact that all weddings are quite similar and if someone does something slightly different, everyone is shocked 😉. Even if I wanted do something differently during my party, I couldn't, that's impossible even for the vendors 😁. So 40k or 10k you must have the basics that will make your weddings a wedding 😉
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  • Emilia
    Expert June 2019
    Emilia ·
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    I totally get it ! I went to a wedding this weekend and the bride was pregnant. She couldn't eat or drink 70% of the menu, as there were cheese, salmon, etc...poor thing... ! But she wanted us all to be pleased...
    About the barns and the rustic thing - it was all around me when I was organising my red and white wedding... I were so unpopular ! 😁 "You don't have a barn and hay at your wedding?! Whaat? "😁
    • Reply
  • Ashlee
    Expert September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    We've attended three so far since being engaged with one more this year. Not sure how many we'll have yet next year, most of the ones for 2022 we know about are after ours (within 6 weeks). I did notice little things at each of them that I liked and disliked, but kept in mind that my taste and theirs are obviously different. I tried to enjoy the moment. Same approach as PP's if it's something I didn't remember or care about or think about then it's not an important detail that I'm going to stress about or break my budget for.

    the last wedding we attended, was at a beach resort, the ceremony was in a terrace room, with open windows on one side, and unfortunately it was next to the pool, the pool music (and guests) was loud and most of the guests couldn't hear a lot of the ceremony which was distracting. A helicopter also flew overhead. It made me a little nervous for my outdoor wedding but mine isn't near anything like that, and obviously you can't control something flying over.

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  • Louise
    Beginner June 2022
    Louise ·
    • Flag

    We are going to two of my FH friends weddings before ours next June. I am definitely going to use them as opportunities to figure out what I do and don't like. Only regarding certain aspects, because as stated above everyone is different and has different style, taste, and budget. We don't have much of our ceremony planned so I am excited to see how they format and timeline each part and I will use this to help create mine. I do want to enjoy them, so I don't want to focus too much on small details, mostly because I already have most of that vision put together anyway. I also am going to take notes on any traditions and games they do and don't have.

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