So my friend took her daughters to get shoes for my wedding. The one has black closed toe wedges which are adorable and will look fine with her dress. The other one got these. I was in the shower when she sent the message. She didn't wait for a yay or nay and bought them anyway. My wedding is december 19th. I saw the message and said no to those because number one they're not right for the time of year, number 2 they're ugly. My friend said they liked them plus the daughter could wear them for her wedding in September. Which makes me think she bought them for her own wedding and not mine. The girls dress hits the top of her feet so whatever shoes she has will show. My friend told me i was being a monster bride so i said i wanted to see them with the dress and would go from there. They didn't look right and stuck out like a sore thumb. She called me a bridezilla and said she would not do a dark shoe for the girl. After she left i sent her a message (i didnt want to do it in front of the kids) and explained my reasoning. I was polite but firm and reminded her that this is my wedding, and if she wants her daughter to wear those shoes to her own wedding that is fine and i would support it 100%. I said there are other options and other shoe stores, and that we would find something suitable. I really don't think I'm being unreasonable. Am i?
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Thank you Michelle for your input. I agree it's not hurting anyone but it bothers me that she bought the shoes for her own wedding and did not consider my own. The shoes stick out from under the dress(dark navy dress with cream shoes) and i think it looks awkward and weird.
Unless you are going to offer to pay for the shoes, I don’t think you can really do much about it. Are these girls in the bridal party at all or just guests? If they are in the bridal party, you could suggest that those shoes don’t match with everyone else. But if it’s just a guest, you don’t really have control over it. My aunt wants to wear a romper to my wedding and while I hate rompers and she keeps asking my opinion on what she wears, I tell her to wear whatever will make her feel great because in my own head I know nobody is really going to be paying attention to what she is wearing.
I agree with others that no one will even pay attention to the shoes. Besides they're a nude color which looks fine with any color dress. Not to mention I dont think they're God ugly at all. I kinda like them lol. I don't think this particular hill is worth dying on and potentially ruining this relationship.
I promise no one will pay attention to her shoes. My bridesmaids all wore knee-length dresses and I have absolutely no idea what kind of shoes any of them wore because I was way too busy with other things. Cream is a neutral color that goes with everything, including navy. Also, I think it's great that this person will be able to get multiple uses out of these shoes. As another poster said, unless you are willing to pay the money for a new pair of shoes, I would just let this go.
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Yes all three are in the wedding, and yes this something i feel strongly about. Thank you all for your input. Fyi i offered to to pay the difference if the exchanged pair is more expensive.
TYPICALLY..... you only wear dark shoes AFTER Labor Day and, unless they are holiday shoes (Christmas/New Years) closed toe as well ... like others said, if you want to push this, then buy the shoes for her and say she HAS to wear it for YOUR wedding. She can reimburse you for them...
I personally do not like the shoes however I do not think people are going to pay attention to those shoes.
No, you're not being reasonable. You get no say in the shoes she wears unless you're paying the FULL COST of them, not the difference. Of course she wants to buy a pair she can wear more than once... not your money not your say. And honestly, even if you were buying them, that's overstepping to control their shoe choice.
No one sees your vision for your wedding day. Especially a bride that pays attention to every detail and aspect of your wedding. If everyone else is wearing a color other than nude, than perhaps offer to pay for another shoe. Maybe you can buy what you would like if you are able. I think you handled it the right way by speaking/messaging her separately, letting her know how you feel.
You really don’t have much say unless you buy the shoes... yes, these ones are quite ugly, but you never offered to buy the shoes you prefer. I personally would never tell someone to wear something to my wedding and not offer to pay for the attire.
Kids are expensive, they grow like weeds, and no one is going to pay attention to the shoes. Those are neutral colored so unless the girl has a dark complexion or is wearing dark tights, they really aren't going to stick out that much and will just blend in with the color of her skin and will be very not noticeable and unremarkable. Unless you are offering to pay or the girl is in the wedding party, you don't really get a say here.
If you hate them so much, just offer to pay for a different pair. $30 for a pair of inexpensive shoes from Payless, DSW, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, whatever is well worth not being PO'd and not getting into an argument with a friend about what her child is wearing.
I must agree with previous posters. This is not a hill you should die on. I would also never suggest she return/exchange shoes that she plans to wear for her own wedding, in order to buy shoes for yours. Obviously (and rightfully) your wedding is much less a concern to her than her own. If you want to dictate what shoes she will be wearing in your wedding, then simply purchased the shoes for her. Simple.
Lol, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I mean it is you’re wedding. Most bridesmaids or anyone in the wedding usually asks what they need to wear or rather what you want them to wear anyway. I know the day of, you’ll be thinking of so much other stuff other then the shoes so in the long run it might not matter, but if you all are taking photos, etc and you have to see them in the photos or something then I would stand firm. Getting married is stressful enough so would personally do what makes you happy. I know you stated you already talked to your friend but just tell her again, “I would like her to wear this because it’s what I am envisioning for my wedding, please support me on this” Hope this makes you feel a little better.