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Devoted August 2020

gm bringing random plus one?

Valerie, on May 3, 2021 at 8:06 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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One of our groomsmen messages hubby and I that his +1 will be “Jane Smith” and that she’s from Ohio and he’ll be picking her up for the wedding (he’s a truck driver). He also asked if she could ride in the limo with us as she’ll have nothing to do before the ceremony or in between the ceremony & reception. I have a big problem with this as his invitation did not include a plus one. His save the date did include a guest 2 years ago when he was dating a girl he lived with and the 4 of us went out a few times. He has since broken up with her. So I just crossed her off the list and moved on. I know it’s a touchy subject but we did not give +1s to wedding party members unless they safe married, engaged, live together or actually dating. I know it’s not typical to not give all WP +1s but we went out of our way to have a larger WP so none of our actually friends would feel excluded or we wouldn’t have to pick and choose one friend over another. Literally he’ll be sitting at a table with and spending the whole day with his friends. I know for a fact they are not dating and honestly she’s probably a smoking buddy of his. Should I just say “sorry we did not extend a plus one for you since we didn’t know you were dating anyone at this time” and see where it goes from there? We don’t want random people showing up or riding in a limo with us.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Tory, on May 3, 2021 at 4:30 PM
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    What you are describing is exactly why many couples do not extend random plus ones to anyone, whether bridal party or general guest. But a significant other is not a plus one, regardless of the length of time they are together and feel established as a couple, ring or not.


    You have every right to say what you need to in order to have a say in who attends. But be reasonable at the same time. You have every right to put your foot down and you should do that if you don’t feel comfortable with her there.
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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    I like how you said a significant other is not a plus one. I’m actually going to use that when I nicely tell him no.
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    Will the dates/spouses of the rest of your WP be traveling in the limo?
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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    My brother in law & the photographer will be the only ones not in the WP but riding in limo. Photographer for obvious reasons. And brother in law I’m having assist the photographer with organizing group shots & BIL will be picking up our food to bring over to our photo site to feed everyone. He’s essential LOL
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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    In that case, I would allow the GM to bring his date (as it truly is the traditional and gracious thing to allow all WP members a plus one if single), but I would make it clear that she would not be able to ride in the limo with you, as it is only for WP members and will be photographed (no one wants a random person they have never met in their WP photos). I would also remind him that there will be numerous times he will have to leave her throughout the day/evening (getting ready with the guys, pictures, etc) so he can determine whether or not he would really like to bring her, and whether she would have a good time at the wedding since she will be spending a significant amount of time alone without knowing anyone else there, and would have to drive herself.
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    Did you invite his ex by name or did the save the date say "guest"?
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  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
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    We invited his ex by name. Could that help in my case when I try to explain that the save the date was addressed to his SO “Mary Sue” at the time? Lol
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  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    Yes. Since you invited her by name, you technically didn't give him a plus one, you invited them as a unit.


    However, I'm a big team plus one for the bridal party. You already accounting for him bringing a guest in your numbers, so I would honestly just let it go and let him bring someone. But I would tell him that she cannot ride in the limo.
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  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
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    I totally agree with Ava!

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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    I would stick to your gut on this one and not include this person. You have every right to not allow random plus ones at your wedding. This person is a true plus one, not a significant other, so if I were in your shoes, I'd just explain that you're not able to accommodate plus ones

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I’d allow her to attend but not be part of the getting ready and limo stuff. I need to relax with people I’m comfortable with, I don’t want to worry about being a good host while I’m getting dressed. I know myself and I would end up spending a lot of time making sure she felt comfortable and not enjoying myself with my wedding party.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    As a rule, even things I don't want, I will make an exception to avoid one - will allow a whole group not exclude just one even if I badly want to. To be the only one who is single that night, in the wedding party?
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I hate random plus ones and think its completely appropriate for you to clarify that the groomsmen does not get a date to your wedding. The fact that you named his ex specifically on the invite should help drive this home. He might be a bit confused by why he doesn't get a date, but I think if you have a civil conversation with him about it he should understand.

    I wouldn't have him bring a date and I definitely would not have her involved in all the wedding party stuff. One of the reasons I'm not inviting certain girls to get ready with me (I don't have bridesmaids) is because I don't want their SOs lurking around my husband while he is enjoying getting ready with his groomsmen.

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  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
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    I completely get where you’re coming from on the fact that he’s bringing a random person you’ve never met to your wedding. Is there a way you could potentially meet her before then? I’m not sure how far out your date is. If not it’s 100% your decision on if you want him to bring her or not, since your original save the date mentioned his ex and not a general +1. However it is nice to give the wedding party a +1 regardless of relationship status (I personally hate this rule because like your situation it can cause random people to come to a very intimate day for you and your FH) but I do also understand how they deserve to have a +1 for everything they’ve done for your wedding. As Ava said, you could always invite her to the wedding but be stern about the limo because she definitely has not earned a spot in your wedding party photos
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