Giving up On Trying to Make Everyone Happy

We are getting down to the wire and are feeling it too. We live in Washington but my family is in New Hampshire and his in Massachusetts. We have planned the whole thing in NH so everyone didn't have to travel far and now his side of the family is all complaining it's "too far" and I'm selfish for having it closer to my family. It's an hour drive, I'm done stressing because they are inconvenienced.

Exactly! All the weddings we went to were 1 to 2 hours away (Cape Cod, Connecticut, Maine, Rhode Island) and not once we complained. We made a weekend out of it. It is enough time to plan... and honestly the more declines the cheaper the wedding so I am done!

Any chance you can still do a DW? You need to make yourself happy first !!

I wish! But I'm ok with the decision. The main reason was the uncertainty of my mother attending (long story). As well as my brother, FH sister and nephews (and most family members to be honest). I can do w a small wedding, but nit without my mom :-/ so we decided not to risk it. So now we are shooting for 100 to 120 guests...

For my wedding planning, the only one I'm trying to make happy is FH and myself. We discuss and if we like something, we go for it.

If people want to come to your wedding they will. Don't pressure yourself to please others.

The DW plans were mainly because I am from Puerto Rico and was completely in love with a venue there. The 100 to 120 guestlist works for us. These are all the same people that were going to be invited to the PR wedding... but we were probably expecting half per the DW attendance in general. And the open bar is not optional for us, I agree that if someone needs to be cut off the bartender will. But it will be ok....

@Nas for the win!

Aside from not being tamales (or tacos or other delectable treats), you are also playing a game you are bound to lose. No amount of planning, consideration, or accommodation will ever be enough to please all of your guests. If they don't like it, one less mouth to feed.

Thank you Sara J.! Agree! I feel better now!

Yup, you will never satisfy everyone. Even if you spent $100,000 on your wedding, somebody will complain. My relatives already made a weird face when we told them the venue was 1hr drive DURING rush hour, instead of accomodating them and having the reception at local restaurants within a 10-15 minute walk for them.

I live in MA and wanted to get married at a venue in southern NH and got the same response - "it's too far!" Literally it's 40 minutes, but we found a venue closer that I loved just as much and booked that.

My FBIL and FSIL are getting married in Weare, NH at the Lakeshore Village Resort about 4 months after my wedding and are making a weekend out of it. FSIL was concerned about people traveling too, but like one of our family members said, "the important people will make it there."

Do what makes you happy! I know it's hard, I'm definitely a people pleaser as well but I learned to only share necessary information with a few selected individuals.

Thank you ladies! Yes, they will always complain! I'm actually looking at two venues in Boston and I can already hear them complaining about the parking in that area! Damn if you do, and damn if you don't! Take the train! LMAO!

I grew up in MA and was married in Southern NH. Aside from the obvious, my criteria were that it had to be fairly accessible and have plenty of parking. Once that was figured out, I resigned myself to the fact that someone would probably be unhappy about something - and that was their problem, not mine. And keep in mind, OP, that some people just aren't happy unless they're complaining about something. In that case, I give you permission (not that you need it) to stop listening. :-)

Thanks @Zaz! Yes, I want to understand people, and their reasons, because sometimes it can be good advice... but there is a limit, and I'm def going to stop listening!

Hi Mags, Im from PR and just had my wedding in Sunderland, MA. We though about having it in NH or PR, but decided to pick our fav restaurant, have a "small" wedding of 55 guest and do what we wanted. In the beginning I wanted to make everyone happy, but it your wedding and the question was "would you be happy?" I think that was the best advise i got!!! I would listen to people suggestions, and then decide if it was something I wanted or not...also, I stop talking about the wedding to EVERYONE!

ETA: I had plenty of issues w my mom saying she wasn't coming, at the end she did- listen to what YOU want, people in PR like to make drama out of nothing...and I'm sure your mom won't missed your wedding. Remember that our culture is family first.

So many people with so many opinions is making me crazy!

My current policy is "tell grandma NOTHING, especially cost", because she's a lovely woman who's a penny pincher and hasn't kept up with inflation since about the '50s. She loves to tell me stories of "my neighbor's daughter had a wedding and she said it was FIFTY DOLLARS per person for dinner. Can you believe that?? How ridiculous is that?" All the while, I'm nodding but thinking "oh yes I believe that all TOO well."

She's convinced that you can have a nice wedding for $5 a person and her list of things she'll complain about at my wedding is already about a mile long, I'm predicting. (Including: open bar, station-style dinner, the fact that we're having food that's not just a lunchmeat ham sandwich, the fact that we're playing any music produced in the last 40 years, that it's not a religious ceremony, that a female is officiating, ....the list goes on.)

At this point I'm giving up on her being happy because making her happy would mean throwing FH's and my beliefs under the bus and being a very poor host to my guests.

ETA: clarity

I've realized when talking over details with my parents that I need to be firm and tell them my decision or answer, without explaining why.

My dad: "So you have four groomsmen and three bridesmaids?"

Me: "Yes."

Dad: "So there's not another bridesmaid you're forgetting about to make it an even number?"

Me: "No."

Dad: "So they won't be evenly split on each side of the ceremony?"

Me: "Nope."

Dad: "Oh."

One word answers are the best with wedding planning!

@Z_Runner, thank you! Yes! There is def a cultural piece to it but it is a little more complicated. Long story short... I have a brother who is in a wheelchair and is also mentally ill, my mother cares for him and will not go if he is nit mentally stable to go too. She won't leave him "alone", even if he was in good cate of someone else she will feel too "guilty" to leave him.. His condition has gotten worse so I decided that is better to spare her the stress.

@Becca O. I love it! Will def be using that!

@Steagles Yeah... I can't even share w friends what we budgeted to spend, nevermind abuela! On a similar note, my FFIL just can't understand why we are not having the same wedding they planned for their daughter about 8 years ago! We shouldn't go further than x town... we should talk to X to get a duscount at the local country club. Why is it so hard to respect what we want?!

Do what YOU want to do. You will NEVER be able to please everyone. I'm a people pleaser myself, but there are certain things that my FH and I want that have been met with resistance and unsolicited opinions, such as:"ohhh why on earth are you getting married on Friday the 13th??? It's such bad luck!"

(...Yep, that's the date we want. If you think THAT's bad luck, don't come over and let our two black cats cross your path.)

or "you're not having the ceremony in a church?!?"

(Nope, because we're not religious. At all.)

My point is, it's your day to celebrate your love with your FH. Everyone else can show up and have fun or stay home.