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Danielle
Devoted May 2021

Giving guests a choice to attend one or the other

Danielle, on December 6, 2019 at 1:33 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21
The church we are getting married at is 45 minutes from the reception venue. It is also on a Sunday. The ceremony is going to be a full catholic mass. Due to the distance between the ceremony and reception, the distance people are traveling from to attend, and guests religious views, we are going to offer an option that guests can attend one or the other if they want (I’m picturing older guests who don’t want to drive at night will go to the ceremony only, and certain family members who don’t have the same religious views will go to the reception only). Has anyone done this? Is this a weird idea?

21 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on December 7, 2019 at 9:25 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    As long as everyone is invited to both parts of the event, I don't see the problem.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I’ve only been to one catholic wedding but quite a few guests skipped the ceremony and from what I’ve read that seems to be common. I wouldn’t think you would need a head count for the ceremony so this seems like something you wouldn’t need to state and just let guests make the choice for themselves.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I did this. It's a good idea. For me, I had to rent chairs for my ceremony so it allowed me to get enough.
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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Yes everyone will be invited to both! Thank you for your input!
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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I’m glad you said it’s common because my mom said that it was weird.. and you’re right I don’t need a head count for the ceremony so it doesn’t matter anyways! Thanks for the reassurance!
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  • Christine
    Expert September 2020
    Christine ·
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    I think that's totally fine. I attended a Catholic mass wedding this spring where the ceremony and reception were 20 miles away from each other and there was a "Catholic gap" in the middle - a lot of guests skipped the ceremony at the couple's suggestion. An easy way to do this would be asking for separate RSVPs for the ceremony and reception (either through different checkboxes on a physical RSVP card, or through using a website like Zola that asks guests to RSVP for each wedding event), and then including a note on your wedding website letting people know that they can feel free to attend just one half of the wedding if they wish.

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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Ahh that’s a good point - I luckily don’t have to do that, but I’m glad that it worked out for you, it reassured me that my guests won’t think too much of it! Thanks!
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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Awesome! That’s what I did! Thank you!
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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I do want to add that my fiancé and I don’t like to be the center of attention (obviously it’s our wedding and that’s what we’re going to get) and I think the ceremony is personal, so the less people that go to the ceremony the better!
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    I feel like that’s implied? It’s not a bad idea, I just don’t see it as entirely necessary.
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  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I don't know if that's really a thing you need to offer...a lot of people will skip the ceremony if it's too much time/distance between ceremony and reception, if it's too early, etc. And people who don't want to drive at night or stay out late usually duck out of the reception early.

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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    The only reason I asked was because my mom had never heard of it and thought it was weird. I also just set up the wedding wire website and I see how it is set up to have the ceremony and reception RSVP's separate which is super convenient!

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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Yeah, I had in mind the older older guests that wouldn't think to do that lol. I just saw on the wedding wire website for couples how you can RSVP to reception or ceremony, which is perfect!

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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    Oh cool! I haven’t had to set that up yet so it’s nice to know that feature is there. I think In my experience people either will or won’t go to the ceremony or reception, so I was confused as to why mention it. But you do you! Smiley smile it might make spacing a little bit easier.
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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I thought it was normal, my mom made me doubt myself which is why I turned to you guys, the experts Smiley winking Yeah I just started fooling around with it it makes everything super easy!!!

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    I've been to primarily Catholic weddings and have never noticed people purposely skipping the ceremony. But regardless, just invite everyone to both and they can make the choice or not whether to attend both parts - you only need a headcount for the reception!

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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    It’s hard because I haven’t been to any and my mom was like “that’s weird” and after talking to many people they said as long as everyone is invited guests can make their own choice!
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  • Mcskipper
    Rockstar July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    My husband’s cousin had a catholic wedding on a Friday, and they had the ceremony at like 3 pm and reception at 7. I believe their RSVP asked for __ ceremony, __reception— which i appreciated as it made me feel “allowed” to skip the ceremony . I’ve been to many a catholic wedding over the years and always went to both ceremony and reception, so that is the “norm” — I wouldn’t have really thought to skip without that, but it was very nice given the inconvenience of the ceremony. I do think they scheduled it that way in part because they preferred a smaller ceremony.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Personally, I can't imagine skipping a ceremony but showing up for the reception. To me that's just incredibly rude. However, we have a LOT of Catholic relatives on multiple sides of the family and I've been repeatedly surprised/shocked by how often this happens. In most cases, there is a multi-hour "gap" between the Mass and the reception start time. For our family weddings in Chicago and in the Northeast, it's not at all unusual for less than 25% of the guests to attend the ceremony. (And, with some of our Chicago family, they show us for the ceremony in jeans and t-shirts, like they took a break from mowing the lawn to make it to the church, and then dress up for the evening reception. I'll never understand it, but they are family so sometimes you just have to ignore their bizarreness....) I think as long as you invited everyone to both, it's okay to do separate RSVPs, but I don't really understand why. Generally, it doesn't matter how many people show up at the church. If there are some elderly guests who may not be able to make it to the reception, I'd just have one of your parents talk with them and let them know everyone will understand if they just attend the ceremony. I think it could potentially be awkward to ask people what their plans are -- you don't want people to interpret it as you don't want them to attend one or the other.

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  • Danielle
    Devoted May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Yeah we both want a smaller ceremony so I’m hoping people get the hint lol
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