Krystina
Dedicated October 2021

Giving fake rings to the ringbearer?

Krystina, on September 14, 2021 at 2:34 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 19
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I thought I'd run this etiquette-ish question by the community to see what the thoughts are on this!

We've invited my 4-year-old nephew to be the ringbearer at the wedding. We got him a little book that explains what it means to be a ringbearer... being 4 he's not jazzed about it, but would be interested if he can save the wedding by catching a frog (a thing that happens in the book I guess). My sister, the matron of honor, has been explaining what an important role this is to him.

Our wedding rings are very expensive custom rings that we had made back before we set up a budget for the wedding (never do this by the way, lol, the rings are a disproportionally large part of the cost of the wedding now). We're a little nervous about giving these to a 4-year-old, even for a brief time. We purchased two identical personalized ring boxes. I'm looking at two different options for handling this:

- Give my nephew the box with the real rings to carry down the aisle and give to the best man, but wait to give my nephew the box until just before he goes down the aisle

- Fill one of the ring boxes with fake rings that look similar to the real ones, give him the box with the fakes (he can even have it early to play with if it helps him get into the role), and give the box with the real rings to the best man and do a switcheroo during the ceremony

I don't want to offend anyone by implying we don't trust my nephew with our real rings, but... he's 4. Smiley smile What do you all think? Which option would you choose in this situation?

19 Comments

Latest activity by Bethany, on September 16, 2021 at 11:52 AM
  • Samantha
    Rockstar May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I would not give him the rings lol. I'm not even giving our rings to our 11 yr old and 7 yr old until they are about to step into the aisle lol.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    No way would I give a 4-year old the real rings, Lol. We gave my 5-year old nephew an empty Ring Security briefcase to carry, and my brother kept the real rings in his pocket.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    Oh my gosh, I would not even contemplate giving real rings to a four-year-old! He could lose them or drop them (rings roll!), and no one wants a frantic impromptu ring scavenger hunter as part of their ceremony! Give him fakes for sure!
    • Reply
  • EGD
    Devoted September 2022
    EGD ·
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    This is exactly what we're doing with my 6 year old nephew! He'll get an empty briefcase and the best man will be holding the rings

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  • A
    Savvy April 2022
    Addie ·
    • Flag
    Our maid of honor will have my fiancé’s fight and the best man will have mine. we are going to give the ring bearers a pillow or something to carry. I’m not giving them rings but I’m also not going to the effort of getting fake rings lol
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't worry about this as an etiquette issue at all. No one will be offended or expect you to give anything valuable to a 4-year-old. And the kid won't care, either, so he doesn't need fake rings that he thinks are real.

    To be perfectly honest, I think you might be overthinking this whole thing a bit. It's a strictly optional, ceremonial role for adults to enjoy looking at a cute kid in pictures. There is nothing for him to do/learn about/prepare for/get into. As long as he shows up and walks down the aisle, he's fulfilled his duties. And even then, since he's 4, he may decide not to walk at the last second, and that's fine, too.

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  • Maddie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Maddie ·
    • Flag

    I'd for sure give him fake rings. I will probably end up doing the same since our ringbearer is my Godson who will be 4 at the time and is slightly loopy

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  • Krystina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Krystina ·
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    My thought process was that maybe the mom might be offended that we don't trust her son, or maybe my nephew might be offended... but he's 4 so probably he doesn't know or care if we trust him or not, lol. I want to play things safe but also not cause unnecessary drama!

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's better to not give him the real thing... we got the fake rings off of Amazon, they were like $10-15 each so not a big deal. They look convincing enough if you open the box. My nephew is 4 and my niece (the flower girl) is 2... we'll see how they do at the rehearsal, they can either be escorted down the aisle by their mom or dad, or just back out if they decide at the last minute it's too scary. Smiley smile

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  • Nichole
    Devoted September 2022
    Nichole ·
    • Flag
    I will be giving our ring bearer fake rings and the best man the real rings. Most people probably wont even notice that the ring bearer carried fake rings and even if they do most people will understand why.
    • Reply
  • MaryEllen
    Expert October 2016
    MaryEllen ·
    • Flag
    We have the real rings to the best man and the ring bearer had a candy ring pop for walking down the aisle. It was adorable.
    • Reply
  • Krystina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Krystina ·
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    So cute!! Did they get to eat it? Smiley laugh

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  • MaryEllen
    Expert October 2016
    MaryEllen ·
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    Of course!
    • Reply
  • Krystina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Krystina ·
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    Sounds like a sweet gig! Smiley laugh

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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    You don't even have to get fake rings. He can just carry the empty ring box. I think it's pretty common for the ring bearer to not actually have the rings. Ours did, but that's because he was a very mature 10 year old and we knew he could handle the responsibility, but he was given the box right before he went down the aisle. Literally no guest will even notice if he has rings in there or not. By the time the kid gets up there, they'll all already be facing the other direction watching the next person walk down the aisle. Typically the ring bearer and flower girl go right before the bride, so they will be far more focused on waiting for you to come out.
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  • Krystina
    Dedicated October 2021
    Krystina ·
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    We already got them a while ago, it's a thing already. Smiley xd I'm not saying anyone else has to. Like you said, the audience in general won't know. It's mostly for my nephew if he happens to open it. Giving them an empty box is still a charade that they're carrying the real things, right? They're not the boxbearer, you're telling them they're carrying rings... so why not have some rings, even if they're just cheap toys? I think it's cute.

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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Oh, I missed the part where you already bought them. I thought you were considering buying them because you felt you had to. No, if you want him to carry fake rings, it's totally your call. I meant it more in the sense that you shouldn't feel you had to.
    • Reply
  • Pia
    Super May 2021
    Pia ·
    • Flag
    Congratulations! We used fake rings on the pillow and it worked out perfect . Get a nice set that complement your theme and style.
    • Reply
  • Kris
    Expert July 2021
    Kris ·
    • Flag

    Our "ring-bears" had signs, and the BM had the rings.

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  • Bethany
    Dedicated October 2021
    Bethany ·
    • Flag

    Our 6 year old ring bearer isn't even getting the rings! Kids are unpredictable. Losing/ dropping the rings is an obvious potential problem, but what if he gets stage fright and refuses to walk down the aisle? Now he's hiding in the back behind mom, he's got your rings, and someone has to awkwardly run them up to the best man in the middle of the processional. Nope.

    Our ring bearer will be holding a sign that says "Don't worry ladies, I'm still single." Empty box would also be fine, I don't even thing I would bother with fake rings haha

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