Girl Code

Your right to exclusively date the person disappear when you break up . If the next person, or someone down the line, is a good friend of yours, wish them both well. Why shouldn't your friends or your exes be able to date anyone they want?

That seems like taking your friend’s food from the garbage and eating it to me.

😳🤢

Exes are off limits if you are truly my friend.

View Quoted Comment I understand your perspective.

Would you be okay with your friend talking about her relationship with your ex? And if they were getting married would you attend the wedding?

View Quoted Comment "One man's trash is another man's treasure." 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I can understand that but if you found the love of your life why would it matter at that point?

I’ve honestly never understood “girl code”. It isn’t my job to police who my friends date. I dated a guy in high school for a year. 3 years later he started dating my best friend of nearly a decade (at the time-now we’ve been friends 20 years). They’ve been married 8 years now. Imagine if I had thrown a temper tantrum at them dating? I just don’t see the point.

I'd be okay with it. If I was holding onto an ex that tightly to care, I don't think I'd be ready for marriage

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Wow, what a success story. I'm glad everything worked out well for all of you.

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I feel similar to you.

The only person whose opinion matters here is the friend with the ex. If she gives the go-ahead, fair game, if she’s uncomfortable with it— stay away. I don’t need to know the reason (and don’t believe it necessarily would mean she’s hung up on him), just that it matters to my friend. I can meet another guy. I don’t, however, believe that exes are damaged goods or “someone else’s trash”— relationships fail for a variety of reasons that may not reflect on the person at all, but the pairing itself. So if I’m game, he’s game, and she’s okay with it— sure. But despite her recent marriage, it is still essential for the sake of the friendship, that she is actually okay with it.

I've never understood that "girl code." Just because the person wasn't right for me doesn't mean they aren't right for someone else. And an ex is someone I once thought well enough of to want to date/marry--why should I want them to be alone, instead of happy in a different relationship?

View Quoted Comment Yes ! Agreed. I was in the same boat. My friend dated this guy when they were 14 and then years later when I was like 20 I met him again and we dated for years and broke up. She and I did initially have a bit of a strained relationship when I told her but we still remained friends and til this day we are still good friends.

To me it doesn't matter. I never understood how it was a betrayal for a friend to date an ex. Just because you and your ex weren't compatible, doesn't mean that the friend and the ex aren't. Everyone should get to chose who they date, exes or not. You never know who you'll fall in love with and past relationships shouldn't effect that. I don't care who my friends date, as long as they're not in an abusive relationship. I just want them to be happy

View Quoted Comment I don't know about you, but no one I dated for any long period of time was garbage. Nothing wrong with them. Just that either after a time when the novelty and crush wore off, we lost interest. Or, more times, as months then a year went by it became obvious that for all we got on very well day to day, whatever we wanted for the future was different. So for all breaking up hurt in the short term, neither of us had major flaws or problems. Not being a match for each other did not mean we did not each of us have a good personality to be a match for someone else. And we parted friends. All my exes are now in happy long term marriages now, as I am, and some to people I introduced them to after we stopped seeing each other. Still friends.

View Quoted Comment We don't exchange details of our sex lives, or things private between spouses. But general conversation, sure. I liked the guys. I just did not have the kind of live and commitment , or common goals, to marry them. But I liked them, I liked my friend , and when they dated each other, some broke up, and some married each other. But it was nothing that made any of us uncomfortable or unhappy. Two of my exes who married my friends, and one who married someone else, we're at our wedding. And I at theirs. Two of FI's former long term girlfriends, who later married friends of his were also at our wedding, and he went to theirs. My husband and I only met 15 months before we married, so none of these relationship s overlapped with our current spouses. Never any competition. My old college roommate married an old army friend of mine, whom I was involved with for 1.5 years. Thet was in Boston. Now we all live 4 hours north in the same small town. They live up the street and their kids play with ours. And we adults socialize. Not best friends, but friendly neighbors. And we see one of hubby's exes, 2 years dating in college. Because she, 2 years younger, met and married hubby's brother while hubby was overseas in the service, 2 years after they broke up. . . . Some people's exes turn out to be trouble. But we seem to have selected people we have liked for years and years after splitting up. What is the problem?

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Very well said.

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I agree with you.

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Did you talk to the friend first before dating her ex?

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If your friend was going to date one of your exes would you want to know about it before they start the relationship?