Gifts from Guests Not Invited

I’ve given wedding gifts to people when I’ve not been invited to the wedding. She asked for the info.
If you want to ease your conscience, tell her that you wish you could have a bigger guest list but you know wedding budgets are, that sort of thing.

I wouldn't send her a gift and I wouldn't add her to your guest list or tell her when you put your registry up. That's nice of her to want to send you something but I wouldn't feel obligated to add her to your guest list.

You aren't obligated to invite her just because she wants to gift you both something! If you aren't that close to her, and it's been 2 years since you've last spoken, then you def. don't owe her an invite lol.

It can be kinda tricky because some people think you shouldn't turn down a gift offer because it's rude, but...if it'll make you feel weird for her to gift you something and not be invited, then just politely tell her that it's not necessary to get you a gift.

Also, it sounds like you all aren't close friends at all, and that this was out of the blue. You could always just not notify her when you make a registry, you aren't obligated to do that.

Just because she wants to send you a gift doesn't mean you have to invite them. She is doing it on her own. I'd just either tell them they aren't going to be invited. Or kindly tell her thank you but no thanks to the gift.


I have a friend who recently sent me and my mom gifts for the wedding and they will not be invited and know they won't be. however they aren't invited because of covid reasons. They live in Canada and the borders are still closed.

Accept them graciously with prompt thank yous. They do not have to added to your guest list simply because they are happy for you.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I did tell her that she didn't need to do that, but that it was sweet of her to offer. She said it is just something she wants to do for us. It doesn't bother me really if she gets us a gift and isnt invited, because I would totally do that for people in my life. I probably won't say anything unless she persists about it later, but if she does get us something, do you think I also need to get her a post-wedding gift since they just got married a few months ago?

View Quoted Comment If it were me, I know I would I just because I love to give gifts lol, but I don’t think it’s poor taste to NOT give them anything back. Like you had mentioned, you weren’t invited to their wedding, so it sounds like she just wants to be nice without expecting something in return!


I will say that you don’t need to send them a gift just because you feel obligated to. Her wanting to gift you something doesn’t mean you need to do the same back! Especially since you weren’t invited to her wedding, nor incredibly close.

View Quoted Comment That's fair. It's not like we talk frequently, so she may forget about it and then that will be that. I would feel really weird about sending out a link like that anyway!

View Quoted Comment I wouldn’t worry about sending her the link. It is very kind of her to want to send you something, but just leave it in her lap. You certainly aren’t obligated to invite her to your wedding. If she reaches back out and asks once you have made it public then send the link. If she doesn’t, don’t worry about it.

View Quoted Comment Great advice! Thank you!

Send her the registry info as requested. She may or may not buy anything. She might be happy after an expensive year of her own, not to feel obliged to gp to any wedding, but wants to give you a gift. So be gracious, send the info. You are not obligated to do anything. ... In Etiquette, people who feel close to a couple, should get them a wedding gift, whether they have a public wedding, or not, whether invited, or not. In one direction, you would think those primary people ( not dates) who are invited, and accept, are certainly very close to the couple. That is the logic behind, if you attend a wedding, you must gi e a good size gift. But in fact, some people invite lots of people who don't much care about them. And some couples simply have finances or circumstances
that allow for only a few people, with lots of close friends unable to be invited. But those who are close, should send a gift anyway. They seem to feel they want to give you a gift whether or not they are invited. We received about 40 gifts from people noe on our lists. And with our big families, we send 2-5 gifts to weddings we do not attend, each year. We are not crushed if not invited. Most are either too far and costly, or we have a conflict that makes it not worth it. If I asked for a registry, or asked for a suggestion, registry, tickets or something else, and they never answered, I would think they were angry with me. not getting a wedding invitation is not upsetting, from friends.

I would not send her the registry. Once it's public, she can look it up if she wants. I know she asked, but it's gift grabby to "remind" her, especially when she's not invited

Maybe if possible at that instead of a gift, after COVID is more under control you'd like to do a double date a catch up as well as talk about the newlywed life. Then the "gift" would be quality time and you both would receive it so to speak.

Ever thought about giving wine? I got some wedding ideas I can pass along to you.