Gifts for Unattended Wedding

I think it's usually nice to send a gift, but I also think it depends on how close you are to the couple. People you haven't associated with since middle school? I think you get a pass. If I was feeling generous, I might send a registry gift in the $30 range, just as a nice gesture.

I have only ever not gone to 1 wedding I was invited to, but I didn't send a gift. I was supposed to be in the wedding, but the bride and I had a nasty falling out, so I was annoyed she even sent me (and my parents) an invite.

I've not done it before as it just seems weird since I'm not there to give it to them in person... If that makes sense.

If you like them, sure. If you're not friends, then don't feel obligated. I haven't sent a present to those I RVP'ed no to (which has only been maybe 2).

According to Miss Manners, you do not have to send a gift if you are not going to the wedding. A nice note is sufficient.

I always send a gift regardless of whether or not I can attend. But I would be more than happy to stop doing so if someone tells me that's ok

I'm not sure a lot of people do, but I like to just as a gesture of congratulations and a "Sorry I can't be there!" no matter who the person is. I'm not sure this is the norm though..

I send a gift of about $100 if i don't attend.

From my own personal experience here's what I found. From my age demographic (20-25) I only received one gift from someone who didn't attend from the 100 people our age we did invite. Further, our average gift from the people who attended was probably about $50- with about 20 people getting us nothing, 20 getting us $100, and 20 getting us 50.

From the 30+ demographic most people who did come got us a gift about $100-150 cash. People who didn't come got about $50-$100 gift regardless if they could attend.

I was always told you send a gift if you don't attend, but it can be less than what you would give if you attend. I sent $50 gift card to the last wedding I didn't go to. In the case of your middle school friend, it sounds more like they invited you because they are fishing for gifts, so I probably wouldn't have given a gift either if I haven't talked to them in years.

A gift isn't required even if you DO attend, so no, you don't have to send one. But you certainly can if you want to. We got a couple gifts from people who couldn't attend, and didn't get gifts from some people who did attend. Totally personal preference.

I think you have it right. If a good friend or family member invites you to their wedding, you should send a gift. A wedding gift shouldnt be dependent on whether or not you attend, it should be because you want to give your good friend or relative a gift - regardless. As for the gift seeking, middleschool friend or the coffeeshop gal who invites everyone in the world to their wedding in hopes of receiving a gift? I send a dollarstore card with best wishes.

I think it really depends. I usually send a check or gift card with a nice note inside of a card. The last wedding I was invited to I didn't attend or send a gift. She was a friend from high school and is getting married for the second time in a few years. Her first wedding was an absolute shit show, and I never received a thank you card from her or her wife. This invitation included a small card that said they didn't need any gifts but would be accepting gift cards to hardware stores.

I interpreted my invite as gift seeking, so I turned it down. I know my MOH also got an invitation and turned it down for the same reason.

It isn't mandatory. I think a nice card would be sufficient. I would send a little gift though to weddings I could not attend, especially for people I am close to.

I agree with others here - send a card at the very least, and a small cash gift is easy to slip into the card if it's someone you even remotely care about. That's what I've done for old high school friends. Instead of a $400 flight home for their wedding, I can cough up $25 or so.

@e=mc2 what is you address so I can send you an invite

I agree that it's not mandatory, but a nice gesture. If I'm close with the couple and I can't attend for whatever reason, I'll still send a gift.

I will always send at least a little something, even if it's only a $20 gift card.