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Danielle
Beginner May 2021

Getting Vips Involved

Danielle, on February 22, 2020 at 10:24 AM Posted in Planning 0 12
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We've already gotten a lot planned for our wedding and a significant amount of money invested (it will be May 29, 2021). We are getting so much done as soon as possible because my fiance and I are also planning to build a new house this year. We don't want to stress about too many wedding details next year.


My bridal ladies have been awesome! That being said, the groomsmen, best man, ring bearer & flower girl (their parents) haven't done much of anything. I mean, they all said yes, but that's about it. I really want them to be more involved ... simple discussions/opinions or even to check in now and again. How can we get them more excited and involved in our wedding planning?


One other issue: When my FH asked his mother (twice now) about the rehearsal dinner, she didn't respond. Not a yes, no, or even maybe. Just nothing. The wedding party will be paying for their own attire. My parents are taking care of the venue, bar and catering, and we are covering all other expenses. How can we get an answer about the rehearsal dinner from my future MIL? Should we ask again or just assume she's not going to host one? What alternatives are there? We can't budget in another large expense.


12 Comments

Latest activity by Tanyia, on February 22, 2020 at 9:35 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    What do you want them to be involved in? They have nothing to do with planning or paying, I really don’t understand what you want them to do 15 months before the wedding. Especially the parents of the flower girl and ring bearer? They aren’t involved in your wedding in any way.
    As far as the rehearsal dinner, you should assume you’re paying for it yourself and shouldn’t have asked someone else to take care of your responsibility in the first place. No answer is an answer.
    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Beginner May 2021
    Danielle ·
    • Flag
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    My, my, my, your response is awfully rude. Perhaps you were fine planning it alone, but I value our wedding party's opinions.


    I want them to be involved in things such as: bachelor party, tux/suit & shoes decisions, parents of the ring bearer & flower girl to discuss their outfits, get them used to being around our wedding party more, accommodation plans, and an overall opinion of our choices on which we have to decide. Our ring bearer and flower girl are young; thus, the parents are absolutely involved in the wedding. The parents will be preparing them for and helping them on the big day. Groomsmen can even just give a thumbs up or write a comment on things we post in our social media groups.

    I don't feel you can judge us negatively because we asked his mother & stepfather to host a rehearsal dinner. It's not some far-fetched, crazy idea that we just thought of.

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  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Your wedding is so far away. No one needs to be worried about bachelor parties or tuxes or the kids in the wedding knowing anyone else. Also, his mom gave her answer by not answering. Pay for your own rehearsal dinner.
    • Reply
  • Neeva
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
    • Flag

    I think people will be more interested 6-8 months before your wedding, it's just too far out right now. I also think you should consider that most will not be as interested in your wedding as you like so you can prepare for that, that's been my experience at least and so many other brides on this forum. I think it's great that you want to involved everyone though!

    If you don't hear back from his mom, I would move forward with funding the rehearsal yourself. Maybe she just doesn't have the funds and that's why she didn't respond.

    Good luck!


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  • Danielle
    Beginner May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    Smiley heart Thanks for your advice.



    • Reply
  • Allison
    Dedicated September 2020
    Allison ·
    • Flag
    In my experience almost no one was that excited. And we only have a 1 year engagement. FH dad told us he would do the rehearsal dinner l about 6 months before. People tend to wait to plan these things which drives people like us who are real planners nuts. Just relax and enjoy the ride a little.
    • Reply
  • Cortney
    Devoted August 2020
    Cortney ·
    • Flag
    The thing with kids is, you really can’t order their outfits until pretty close to the wedding since they may go through growth spurts.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    Groomsmen generally just care to show up and help you have a good time. Figure out what they are gonna wear, tell the rental place, send them to get fitted. Do this about 2 months ahead of time.
    Bachelor party. They might start thinking about it 3 months out. Maybe.
    Flower girls and ring bearers shouldnt worry about their outfits til much closer either. They could hit a growth spurt or 3 before the wedding.
    If you want a rehearsal dinner, plan one and plan to pay for it. Or choose not to have a rehearsal. Ours is super cheap. Delivery pizza. If they choose to give you money or pay for it, it's a bonus.Nobody is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. And this is still super far out.
    • Reply
  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv ·
    • Flag
    I started actively planning at about 15 months and at that time it was so far away for others to be involved. Nobody will be as excited as you are for the wedding. Most people just want to buy the dress/tux and show up. Groomsmen usually just show up, they could care less about the details.
    Bachelor/bachelorette parties is usually planned by others not the bride/groom.
    As for ring bearer/flower girl. I would think all they need is their outfits and to show up day of the wedding. I dont see why the parents would need to be involved at allFor the rehearsal dinner if his mom hasnt responded and nobody has come forward and offered to host the dinner then i would assume it is your responsibility and bill.
    • Reply
  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, I think you are worrying about all of this far too early.

    No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you will be. If those you have asked to participate want to get more involved than simply showing up on the wedding day, they will. You cannot force them to.

    As for the rehearsal dinner, again, it is so far away. Perhaps your FMIL simply wants to wait until closer to the time.

    Bottomline, do not stress over any of it. It will all be fine.

    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    I think it’s too far out to get everyone to make decisions about attire. We are getting married in May of this year and we picked the tuxes today! And my fiancé and I did that on our own, every grromsmen is already married and my fiancé was in most of their weddings and in every wedding it was solely the decision of the bride and groom what the groomsmen would wear. The groomsmen honestly don’t care.
    The ladies however care much more what they will be wearing. That’s probably why they were so much more interested in talking about wedding day attire. But even so, we just made final day of dress decisions like a week ago. We were running late for sure, but i wouldn’t want to order a dress a year out. A LOT can happen in a year, guaranteed at least one girl will not be the same size a year from now.
    I have also found, no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. Maybe temper your expectations a little bit, especially this far out and enjoy being engaged!
    • Reply
  • Tanyia
    Expert February 2020
    Tanyia ·
    • Flag
    I would plan it as a “No”, and if she comes through then you have a savings.
    • Reply

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