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August 2022

Getting ready with unwanted guest

Emily, on June 3, 2023 at 2:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
Hey all! Need advice. I got somewhat forced into adding my fiancés sisters into my wedding. I’ve always wanted small, so I added them as personal attendants. I don’t know what to do about hair and makeup. I am planning on paying for it for my bridesmaids but it can get expensive adding them and my fiancés mom. I was thinking of telling them the cost and having them pay for it themselves. Is that okay?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on June 4, 2023 at 7:18 PM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    What is a personal attendant? Who made you feel pressured to include them? The wedding party is a way for you to personally honour those who are closest to you, and that choice should be only ours.

    If you're requiring professional HMU then you need to pay for it. If you're not requiring and it's optional only, you're not obligated to pay for it.

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  • C
    CM ·
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    Asking someone to be a “personal attendant” sounds like a made up consolation prize not an honor. They are not members of the bridal party.


    You can offer to pay for hair and makeup or just make it accessible for those who want to pay and take advantage, but you can’t require it of anyone, including your bridesmaids.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Who is forcing you to do anything? If you allow someone to control you, that is the only time you give them the right to push this on you, by having people you have no relationship with at all as part of your bridal party, or anything else that is not their decision to make. If you make it clear that you are in control, then they are in the wrong and they have to respect your decision. Are you and fiancé getting married or are the parents? You need to learn ASAP how to set boundaries as a social unit with fiancé supporting you 100%. They cannot bully you no matter what, and if you and fiancé together do not put a stop to this immediately and tell the parents that this sibling will not participate as a bridesmaid, then similar behavior will not stop after the wedding. They will decide for you and tell you afterwards where you will be living, where you will be working, where and when you will be spending holidays, and the list goes on. Respectful people and parents do not act like this. If they continue even after setting boundaries, then you will have to go no contact because they don’t respect you.

    A personal attendant is not an honor. It’s a consolation prize role akin to being the one who was never picked for a team in school. Don’t stoop to their level by catering to this bullying.
    If mother in law insists on her being a bridesmaid, then she can pay for all expenses of being one. This is not your financial responsibility now or ever.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I’m not familiar with the role of personal attendant. Could you further explain? Would they be walking down the aisle with the rest of the wedding party? Would they be expecting to have a hair and make up done?
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  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
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    I would probably just make the hair and make up optional for them. If they want to pay for it, then they can have it. If not, then they can do their own hair and make up

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  • A
    Amy ·
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    Personal attendants aren't really "in" the wedding. They aren't a part of the wedding party. They don't need to have hair and makeup done.

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  • LM
    Expert December 2022
    LM ·
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    In the programs, I'd rather be listed as Sister of the Groom than generic bridal attendant. It sounds like a job carrying your train and fanning you like a queen. They can arrange their own hair and makeup. Learn to set boundaries.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    "Personal attendant" doesn't sound like an honour, honestly.

    Why don't his sisters stand on his side as his groomswomen? They're HIS sisters.

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