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Emily
Devoted May 2021

Getting ready help

Emily, on January 22, 2020 at 1:46 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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Okay y’all-


I know that most of my posts are about my FMIL but I have no idea how to handle the situations she puts me in!
Today, she asked me where we are getting ready at. I told her at the venue since they have a small bridal room. She then asks who will be there and I told her I’m not sure. Probably just my bridesmaids (3) and she then throws a fit because she was not invited and how she has no say in this wedding.
Okay - let me say something. She has been to the venue. She has seen the bridal room. It’s so small. It will barely fit 3 people comfortably, 4 people is pushing it. our venue is out in the middle of nowhere and an hour away from anything and I don’t have a DOC so knowing myself, I’m gonna wanna be there early to set everything up. My mom is not even getting ready with us.(for different reasons, if she was, FMIL would too. I’m not heartless and wouldn’t invite my mom and not her) and she’s not paying for the wedding at all so honestly she shouldn’t have a say in anything.
I ask her opinion all the time on things. I’m not sure how to deal with this. She acts like it’s the end of the world she’s not going to be there when we are still 9 months out and everything is subject to change!
I literally think about my wedding day and her being there and it STRESSES me out. Any one deal with something similar? I’m freaking out honestly. I really wish I could just tell her to show up at 4:30 with everyone else.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Suzie, on January 23, 2020 at 8:55 PM
  • gratia01
    Devoted January 2021
    gratia01 ·
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    100% understand this. My FMIL wants nothing to do with wedding planning because she doesn’t want her son to marry me, but the second she hears of anything we’ve planned or decided she criticizes it. Every time the wedding comes up we are always breaking etiquette, being impractical, or somehow trying to make her life more difficult with our choices. For example we’re having a winter wedding and she got super pissed off because she lives in Florida and doesn’t like the snow so she accused us of trying to make it unpleasant for her and not wanting her to come.
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  • Emily
    Devoted May 2021
    Emily ·
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    Oh my gosh! Im just over it! Every little thing is a fight. I’ve tried so hard to be nice. I’m just not going to invite her because I can’t deal with the stress and It’s 8 months away! If she asks anything about help day of, I’m just gonna tell her it’s taken care of and she can come with her daughters at 4:30 LOL ugh how mean of me


    Why must in laws be difficult? Totally wish I could have a close relationship with her but it’s not working
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  • gratia01
    Devoted January 2021
    gratia01 ·
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    She needs to chill out for you a bit! It's so hard having that tension. You should not feel obligated to have her there at all. I think it's pretty normal for the bride's mother in law to not be around at that point, it's your mom and your girls. She should stop making it about her! Hope it all works out for you tho Smiley smile

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  • Maggie
    Super April 2020
    Maggie ·
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    I have an overbearing FMIL as well (Italian, only son getting married, high anxiety over EVERYTHING and a very sensitive/ argumentative extended family). How I dealt with a very similar dilemma was expressing that “of course it would be great to have you XYZ the morning of, but I think s/o would appreciate it more if you were with them as they’re getting ready. Or if you would be honored to be the point person for our guests arriving” that way she still feels included but not breathing down your neck
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    My take with these people is you need to stand your ground and assert yourself! My own family can be overbearing (and difficult) often and the only way about it is to put them in their place and communicate that their behavior is not appropriate
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  • A
    Savvy May 2021
    Allison ·
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    Why can't your FMIL get ready with your FH?

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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    A few things. First I think you need to start by setting some boundaries with her and your FH needs to help with that. She needs to take a step back and let you plan your day and you will tell her what’s been decided. As long as you and your FH agree on things she doesn’t get a say. Secondly I would limit communications about the wedding with her if she doesn’t know when to keep her opinions to herself. Again your FH should be helping with these things because it’s hide mom. I have a son and a daughter and it’s very different roles that I play when wedding planning and it seems your MIL doesn’t understand that. Good luck.
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  • John Smith
    Expert February 2015
    John Smith ·
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    Girl I'm in the SAME BOAT.

    Stick to your guns. If she should be with with anyone at that time, it's her son, not you. I'm cheering for you all the way!

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  • Angel
    Expert August 2020
    Angel ·
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    Ugh, that's unfortunate. It really does suck when other people have to make things more stressful. I don't mind my MIL, but I'm not having her get ready with me. It will just be my mom, sister and 2 MOH's - because that's what I want. You can tell her there just isn't room, and your mom won't be there either. The way some people act is beyond me! I'd try and ignore her antics as much as you can.

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    It’s not tradition for the MIL to get ready with the bride. If she is with anyone on the day, it should be her child. Even if your mom was getting ready with you, that is the tradition, and you’d still be in the right to not invite FMIL. Stick your ground, let her throw her tantrum, and get over herself. It’s your day, not hers.

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