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Rebekah
Just Said Yes October 2019

Getting married where i live now vs. my hometown...

Rebekah, on January 29, 2019 at 3:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Question for everyone... I am just at the beginning stages of planning my wedding and am struggling to figure out where to have the wedding.
Both my fiance and I transplanted to MT and we absolutely love it! We plan on making it our forever home. Most of my family is in Ca and his family is in AZ and IA. And we both have friends throughout the USA.

I love the idea of a Montana wedding, complete with the mountains, forests and ranch land. It fits both of us and our relationship. We even found a beautiful venue near where we had our first date (we went for a drive on dirt roads to a mountain top to watch the sunset).
The issue is that very little (if any) of my family would actually come to MT for a wedding. His family is more willing to make the trip. My parents are pushing for a wedding in CA near my family, since my mom believes that I need to consider what is convenient for all of them. I would enjoy having family at the wedding but I've done some research and it's difficult to a venue that I would want that is within our budget.

Is it selfish of me to just want to have the wedding in MT even though that means almost no family? Or should I keep trying to make Ca work?

On a side note, my mother is not exactly a fan of me getting married in the first place. So I am already trying to tread lightly, otherwise everything ends up in an argument.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Chandra, on January 29, 2019 at 9:16 PM
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    No, I don’t think it’s selfish. It’s your day! I’m doing the same thing, but the distance is much less. Most of my family lives about 100 miles away. They complained a little, but I politely told them unless they were willing to donate funds then this is how it’s going to be :-)
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Is it selfish to want your wedding near where you live? I guess, but this is the one time that you get to be selfish! This is your wedding and you and your FH are the ones who get to make these essential decisions. If you're fine with some of your family not being able to travel, then I say stick with MT.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Not selfish at all. We got married in Carmel, CA where we live and almost every single guest had to travel. Our families and friends are all over the country so it wouldn’t have mattered where we had it. Plus it’s so much easier to plan things where you are vs doing it all on the phone or by email. I say get married where you want. Also from personal experience getting married in California is insanely expensive!
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  • Eva L.
    Dedicated March 2022
    Eva L. ·
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    I don’t think is selfish at all. You should do right to you and your fiancé especially if MT is a big part of your relationship. Plus I can’t imagine how stressful would be to plan a wedding long distance. it’s hard as it is, why complecate yourself?

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  • Lola
    Devoted June 2019
    Lola ·
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    I live in New Orleans but am from Michigan, and almost all of my family live there. I decided to plan my wedding there thinking it would be easier for everyone, and it probably will be, but it is soooooo much harder to plan a wedding out of state. I really wish I would have just planned it here where I live. People who really mean a lot to you will travel.

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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
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    There are a lot of reasons to plan the wedding where you live... You live there for one so it will be easier. It will be much more affordable in MT than CA so you can have a nicer affair. It is where you plan to set down roots as a married couple. It has special meaning.

    It's not like everyone except for one part of your families lives in a specific area - they are really spread out all around the country. And while I can understand that CA is quite far from MT, his family is in AZ so it's not like you are choosing sides.

    I'm not sure why your mother isn't a fan of you getting married and if her reasoning is valid or not, but if that is really true then I certainly wouldn't bend to accommodate her wishes with something so important as location. I am not trying to be negative, but if she isn't happy with your getting married then she is likely to find fault in many aspects of your wedding planning and you may resent moving it to be closer to someone who is so negative about your wedding. Also, if you bend for this then where does the line get drawn? If you change the location is she also going to be demanding about other aspects (guest list, food options, flowers etc). If you feel it is appropriate, I wonder if this is a good place to start setting boundaries for your new future together with your fiance as a married couple. It's just something to consider.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'm from southern CA, my fiance is from northern CO. We live outside of Denver, so about an hour or more from where he grew up. We are getting married an hour south of there (forcing his family & friends to stay in a hotel) and all my family to fly. I had no interest in planning a wedding in a state other than where I lived. It's so much work since you are doing venue tours, tastings, hair and makeup trails, dress shopping, etc. What if you have to bring decor or presents to the wedding? You have to drive or fly with them? And you'll have the additional cost of your travel & accommodations. I had no interest in doing that, so we are getting married in CO. We sent out save the dates 10 months early with 2 hotel blocks and we have a ton of guests flying in.

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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    Same! We’re getting married in CO where we live. Most of our family is in CT and MA. We’ve been surprised at how many people alkane said they’re coming. A lot are even adding trips onto it (which I could totally see people doing in Montana).
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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    We have a similar situation except all 3 locations required basically everybody to travel. You cant please everybody and will o ly make yourself crazy to try!
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