Getting married out of state and want to ask our friend to be our officiant..

I can’t see why not. We had our legal ceremony in Scotland where we live at the equivalent of city hall. Our friend then officiated our wedding ceremony in Maine. She isn’t ordained but it didn’t matter because we were already legally married. I have no clue on NC marriage laws but I would double check you need to have a minister officiant. That seems very non-inclusive since plenty of people are not members of churches but I guess could be the case.

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Thank you for your response! Yeah it seems very non-inclusive to me as well. I will keep researching it however, the quote from the site I found the information on said "Online ordination is not recognized as legal in North Carolina" then went on to say that if performed by an online officiant the marriage is actually invalid. I will plan on doing something similar to what you have done for now until I find out more information. I am just unsure how to ask our friend to be our officiant without knowing the full details. Is there some other way of saying officiant without the inclination of needing a certificate from online? How did you ask your friend? If you don't mind me asking.

thanks again!

View Quoted Comment I would probably ask the clerks office in the city your wedding will be in NC! They’ll have the most detail on what’s needed for a legal marriage. Our friend knew that we were getting legally married in Scotland so the US ceremony would be personal and not legal. We told her we thought of people we loved in our lives that would be amazing at leading the ceremony and sharing our story and we both agreed she was the perfect person. My friend and I wrote the ceremony together so it included what we wanted and something she was comfortable with “officiating”.

This may be a bit of a long shot, but do you have a friend or relative who is actually an ordained minister (not online)? I went to a wedding where the bride’s grandfather was an actual minister, but he was like 90 and not in a position to be performing an entire ceremony, so they had a non-ordained close friend “officiate” the ceremony, and then her grandfather came up at the end to officially pronounce them husband and wife, and he’s the one who signed their marriage license and everything.


If not, I think it’s fine to get legally married separately of your “wedding,” but if it were me, I’d do the legal part AFTER your “wedding.” To me, I feel like my wedding would’ve felt less special if I knew we were already legally married. But like, at all weddings you don’t even file the paperwork until at least the next day anyway, so I feel like it would feel more normal to have your wedding celebration, and then the day after go to the courthouse and have the marriage made legal.

Just my thoughts!

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Thanks Gen! That makes a lot of sense, I never considered going to the courthouse after because I wasn't sure if we would be allowed to perform a wedding ceremony without a proper officiant if we weren't already married. If that makes sense.. I have had similar thoughts about it not feeling as special if we went to the courthouse before hand. Unfortunately, we do not have any ordained ministers in our family, that would have been nice! Maybe we can apply for the license before hand in our state and then get the official license after? It all just so complicated lol

View Quoted Comment It is really complicated 😣 if I were you I would call the town clerk of where your ceremony is being held and speak to them about it to find out if there’s legality issues with having an unofficial “ceremony” beforehand... and maybe if you could go to the courthouse in North Carolina the day after your “wedding” that would be easier just so you’re only dealing with one state’s laws and then you’ll be all done by the time you get home.

View Quoted Comment That’s a really good idea! Thank you so much for helping. I will definitely look into that

View Quoted Comment Absolutely I was so anxious about making sure everything was done legally (we live in New Jersey too, but we actually got married here so the laws are more lax with online ordination but I was still nervous) and I felt so much better after a 5 min conversation with the county clerk just confirming what we needed to do!