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JerseyJess
Dedicated June 2016

Getting married in a Catholic church and FH is not baptized...

JerseyJess, on May 18, 2015 at 6:10 PM Posted in Planning 0 23

Hi Everyone!

My name is Jess and I'm new to this site! We got engaged in February of this year and just set a date for June 25, 2016! Below is my question and thanks in advance for all of your help!

I come from a very catholic family and my FH and I are going to be married in my hometown church. We just found out from his mother that he was never baptized. For my church he needs to be baptized as ANYTHING Christian. He is not religious at all and doesn't really care what religion he is baptized as. Does anyone know anything about adult baptisms for any Christian religion and about how long the process is? Just want to make sure we get everything done in time! Thanks! ~Jess

23 Comments

Latest activity by Rosemary, on May 19, 2015 at 6:12 AM
  • M
    Master July 2015
    m ·
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    Ask your church, but I would reconsider using a very spiritual and religious ceremony for many people as a means to an end.

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  • annakay511
    Master July 2015
    annakay511 ·
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    Hey date twin! One year apart Smiley winking

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  • A
    VIP March 2015
    Amanda ·
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    I was raised Catholic and my DH is not baptized and not religious. We decided that it would be worse for him to essentially fake it and get baptized than have a non Catholic ceremony. You may want to give this some more thought.

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  • M
    Master July 2015
    m ·
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    ^^ That.

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  • FFW
    Master August 2016
    FFW ·
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    Baptism is a very important step in Christianity. Its a symbol of a new life and commitment to following Christ. I would not recommend faking that just to get married in a church. If your family is very religious they probably would not want to know your FH is getting baptized for that reason. Either way you should not be doing something like that for your family.

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  • J
    VIP July 2015
    Jesse's Girl ·
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    Baptism is a very personal decision that shows a commitment and dedication to your faith and belief and is a way of expressing your relationship with Christ to the world. Most adult baptisms that I know of have to take a class about the importance and meaning of baptism that that particular denomination places on it and then give their own testimony about why they feel God moving them to get baptized at this time. Since it sounds like this is not important to your FH, the churches you ask might be somewhat hesitant about baptizing someone just for the sake of baptism if they don't value the meaningfulness of the act.

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  • Cassidy and Nick
    Super July 2016
    Cassidy and Nick ·
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    I'm not religious, but it does sound kinda iffy to me to get fake baptized just for a wedding. But if he's gonna go through with it anyway I'd bet some kinda skeevy mega church would do it without asking many questions. Some of them seem to be more into the spectacle than the actual religion so it might be less offensive that way idk he'd still be lying to your church though so I'd really sit down and think about whether you're comfortable with that.

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  • Laura
    Savvy November 2015
    Laura ·
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    Hi Jess! Same exact case here. At my church, they advise for my FH to join RCIA (he did not). Just like Ren, I thought it would be worse for him to fake it too. We are still getting married at the church, but will not celebrate communion during the ceremony. I unfortunately will not have the sacrament of marriage, but it's as close as I can get without having my FH fake it. We also have to take marriage courses with the priest, meet with a sponsor couple regularly and take a natural family planning course (9-12 months long). Don't be discouraged though because it definitely is great for your FH to understand a bit more about the church, each other and marriage! Smiley smile

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  • Mrs. Kassy
    Master June 2015
    Mrs. Kassy ·
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    I agree with everyone else about your FH not getting baptized.

    I am in a similar scenario. My FH is not baptized in my church, so we cannot get married in it. Instead of rushing him into baptism, which is a huge process for us, we are having an outdoor wedding, not in the church. If he decides to get baptized in the future, we will have a convalidation ceremony to make it official in the church, but I don't want to force him to do it.

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  • Rebecca
    Master November 2015
    Rebecca ·
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    Are you both prepared to agree to everything that the Catholic vows include? That's also worth discussing.

    @Laura, are you getting married in the Catholic church, but with the vows and no Mass? That is still a sacramental marriage!

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  • Marion
    Expert March 2016
    Marion ·
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    We have a similar story, just reversed. I am not baptized but it means a lot for FH and his family that we be married in the Catholic church. I respect his faith, his family's faith, and we are planning on raising our children (if we have any) in the Catholic faith, then let them decide if it's something that has meaning for them. I am atheist and was clear from the beginning that I would not fake it though and get baptized just to have a full mass. I will not compromise my beliefs but am more than happy to be respectful of my future family and husband. We just went through Pre-Cana and will be going through all the Catholic marriage pre-requisites. I am also watching DVD's about Catholicism (my choice) in order to understand it all better. I am still, however, not a believer and refuse to pretend just for the wedding.

    I would have a serious talk with your FH about his feelings about all of this. This is something that doesn't just affect your wedding, this is a rest-of-your-life-together kind of deal. You need to know what HE wants and then merge your goals. Most importantly, you need to be respectful of what HE also believes or doesn't believe in.

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  • Maggie
    Expert June 2016
    Maggie ·
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    I am also Catholic and my FH is not batized at all. My sister was in the same boat. We are doing a catholic ceremony without the mass, and this is what my sister did too. It is essentially everything the full mass has, just short of Communion and the things leading up to that. All we had to do was promise to raid our kids Catholic, which FH was fine with.

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  • Alyssa
    Expert October 2017
    Alyssa ·
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    I'm catholic and my fiancé is Jewish. There is a form that you can fill out with a priest to get approval for a marriage with a non-catholic person. It goes to the diocee bishop and they approve it. That should be an option for you, but it varies depending on the area I've heard. The actual ceremony would be modified (if you choose) to be less religious than a full mass.

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  • Andwedanced
    Devoted September 2015
    Andwedanced ·
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    I agree with everyone else. Baptism is a personal choice and symbol of new life in Christ and a public profession of faith. It shouldn't be done just so you can have your Catholic ceremony. I'm not familiar with the Catholic church but I know most Christian churches would have a hard baptizing someone who wasn't truly saved.

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  • Laura
    Savvy November 2015
    Laura ·
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    Hi Rebecca, yes we are getting married physically in the Catholic Church, but they did tell us that it is considered a "non-sacramental" marriage since my FH has never been baptized. Just considered a "natural marriage." They also said we have to request permission from the bishop. :/

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  • tucker052315
    VIP May 2015
    tucker052315 ·
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    I've never heard of it being "non sacramental" without communion. My FH isn't baptized so we just to fill out the extra paper to get the bishops approval. In my pariah very few people have a full mass anymore.

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  • Ms2Mrs
    Super September 2016
    Ms2Mrs ·
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    Hi Jess,

    I am in a similar situation as yours. My fiance is not baptized and i am a orthodox Christian. We cannot get married in our church until he Is baptized so we will probably be doing that sooner rather than later. Our church requires him to read a couple chapters on baptism and it's symbolism and the sacrament of weddings. Then during the baptism he will dress in a white robe and bathe in a large tub of water. It was important for me because I want our future children to be baptized.

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  • JerseyJess
    Dedicated June 2016
    JerseyJess ·
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    Wooo that was a lot of responses! Thanks for all your input. Did some more reading up on it and we will probably get permission from the Bishop for me to marry a non-baptized person. Does anyone know if we can still do a "full mass" ceremony, but only the Catholics receive communion? To be clear, it isn't just for my family... I would really like a full mass and I definitely worded my initial post wrong (judging from a lot of the lecture-y responses ha). My FH isn't religious, but kind of saw this as a unique way to learn about other religions and see if any of them interested him. He wasn't planning on "faking a baptism". He is pretty crafty so if that was our plan he would have already made a certificate :-P jk

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  • Fiorella
    Super October 2015
    Fiorella ·
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    Careful if he's just going through the motions ... It's a big deal getting baptised... He might want to read up on his own to see if he can find his calling or maybe you could reconsider marrying outside of the church

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  • Lara~N~Love
    VIP September 2016
    Lara~N~Love ·
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    Hi Jess! Welcome to the forums! I really don't have any advice, but it seems like you came up with a solution. Smiley smile

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