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Kelsey
Just Said Yes August 2020

Future Wife of a Future Marine

Kelsey, on March 9, 2020 at 4:30 PM Posted in Planning 0 11
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Hi everyone! So my fiancee and I got engaged almost two years ago after he decided he wanted to join the Air Force as an officer after we graduated college. We didn't know very much about the process, though, and did not realize how long and complicated that process was going to be. Fast forward two years and a new service choice, and he now in the application process to become a Marine Officer. We want to get married before he leaves for any training, but we also really don't want to do a "married now, party later" because he has a LOT of training ahead of him and I am in graduate school so the "later" part won't be for several years. Has anyone gone through a similar experience?

It's hard because he isn't in yet, and there is always a possibility he will not be selected. We are hesitant (read: my dad who is paying for the wedding) to go ahead and set a date in case he either (1) gets selected sooner than expected, (2) gets selected much later than expected, or (3) doesn't get selected at all. My dad's requirements for us getting married are that we are either (1) self sufficient or (2) he has been selected. Like I said, I am in school, so I have nothing to contribute financially, so he would be carrying us until he left for training, but my dad doesn't think he makes enough money to support both of us. So then we are left with the military thing, and by the looks of it, if we wait to set a date, it will be too close to our dream date (Aug. 1) to actually have a normal wedding.

I may just be looking for solidarity here, not necessarily advice. I am really excited for our life together and getting to live in new places, but I just want to be married first AND have the wedding of my dreams like a normal girl!

11 Comments

Latest activity by Kelsey, on March 9, 2020 at 9:15 PM
  • Virginia
    Super June 2021
    Virginia ·
    • Flag

    I married my ex husband immediately following boot camp and prior to starting MOS school. He was on his R&R. We did this so that I would be attached to his orders.

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    Why not get “secretly” married so you are a part of his benefits and still have a full wedding/ reception the way you want it.
    I have a friend who did that only because she needed to be married for her (now) husbands deployment. Only a handful of people knew, brides family did not. They celebrate their wedding on the day the family was included and not the military needed date.


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  • B
    Just Said Yes March 2020
    Bride ·
    • Flag
    Husband is Army. I would say get married before he goes in. Once he is in you have no control over where he goes and the military does not care about you unless married. It’ll be so hard to plan a wedding once he’s in. We got married but are having wedding. Husband is deploying soon and almost had to change wedding plans multiple times.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I know that every time this comes up there's always a disagreement between the people who say, "Sure, get married now and have a party later but don't lie about it" (that's me) and the people who say, "It's perfectly fine to get married now and just not tell people" (apparently, you).

    But in this situation if OP's dad is paying for the wedding and OP cannot currently support herself without getting married, it would be really unethical to get married in secret and still expect her dad to pay for the vow renewal later.

    Your dad's requirements for paying for the wedding are quite reasonable, but if you can't meet them, you will have to pay for the wedding yourself. Make your plans but be honest with all stakeholders. Really, it's that simple.

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    It’s a tough decision to make, I get it. Your dad loves you and will always want the BEST for his little girl. As hard as it is, you just need to find a way to meet his timeline, knowing that your FH could get stationed somewhere and you have to stay back because the military is not going to move you until you’re married and depending on where he gets stationed it could be delayed longer on getting back to him.



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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    I'd marry him following bootcamp, and I'd have a small intimate wedding so there isn't a ton of planning involved. I'm not sure how you could be dependent on him for housing/money anyway until after he got back from bootcamp.

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  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Semper Fi! As a Marine Corps veteran, I am super excited for him! I will give you my two sense on racing to the alter due to military orders. OCS and Marine Corps Boot Camp, in general, are pretty life altering. At the end, he will be different and hold a different outlook on life. It literally is a transformation! While this shouldn't deter you from marriage, I have seen many marriages end in divorce due to racing to the alter prior to and while in the military based on a huge difference in their outlook on life after training. It is a hard life for everyone involved so you will both need time to adjust. Now there are pros and cons. As a spouse, he can move you and all your belongings to any duty station. You get healthcare, he makes more money for housing, etc. The negative, you will give up a lot and will continue to give it up the remainder of his time in service. Education gets difficult when jumping from school to school. Career advancement gets difficult because you move often, raising kids is rough because your family support system may be across the country. My point is, you will give up a lot in the next 4 to 20+ years. I wouldn't suggest you ridding of your dream day due to this. You owe it to yourself to enjoy your wedding day. I would recommend a small and intimate wedding when he is done with training...probably after OCS and prior to any additional training he must go through. He will not get orders until his additional training is done so you do have some time. You could also just wait until he gets stationed somewhere. If you don't have a full household of goods to be moved then you moving across country shouldn't be an issue.
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  • Kelsey
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I appreciate this insight! We have been together for 6+ years already and have basically planned our future around him joining the military. I know that things are definitely going to change once he gets into training, but we have done everything and will continue to do everything we can to prepare to go into it as a united front. I have chosen a career that allows me to be mobile and we are honestly super excited for all the opportunities ahead of us. I just have a really big community of people I want to help us celebrate our big day, so an intimate wedding is not really something that excites me. I also don't want a vow renewal later because as I said, we will have to wait probably 3 years before that happens. Thanks for you kind words!

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  • Kelsey
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thanks! I will be staying back at first anyway to finish school while he trains, but we still want to married first. I am just hopeful that it'll all work out how it's supposed to.

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  • Kelsey
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I am super close with my parents so there would be no hiding from them at the very least. If we did go ahead and get married we would probably make a thing out of it so as have a special day before he leaves! I appreciate your insight!

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  • Kelsey
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Thanks for this! We will definitely get married first.

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