Future stepmom in law

Let her do what she wants. With wedding planning, choose your battles wisely. She may just be all talk too.

Thanks @soontobestarkey

I agree, it will be on her

Kindly tell her thanks, but no thanks. Your MOHs have it covered. She should be able to respect that.

I wouldn't turn down a shower if someone wants to honor you. As far as inviting people she wants to invite, you don't have to do anything she wants to do, if she is not coughing up any money.

No is a complete sentence. Learn to draw your boundaries now. If she doesn't drop it, have your FH let her know that you are already having a shower and you are not having another. If you are not direct with people, they will walk all over you.

Are you saying that you think she will invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding, then try to get wedding invites for them? If so, I would just say MOH has it covered.

It is okay to decline the second shower.

It's okay to accept, if you want, but you should make sure that the guest lists for the two showers don't overlap. Moms and BP members can be invited to attend both, but are only expected to bring a gift to just one. If your FH's stepmom goes about this correctly, she should ask you for a guest list. Only you know if she'd be likely to try to add people to your shower guest list and if that would go smoothly.

Would the shower be taking place in the same town? Or does his stepmom live far enough away that a second shower closer to his relatives that are invited to the wedding makes sense? If everyone lives in the same area, I'd say decline and just have the one shower.

Thanks everyone for all the input...@karenk yes exactly that's what she'd try to do... @bluehenbride she lives close so it looks like I'm declining... i just need to figure out the best way to approach it... i appreciate the feedback. FH wasn't sure how to answer me so he's like go ask the wedding wire place lol

Either tell her no thank you or hush and be thankful she wants to do something nice for you. If she's inviting people that aren't invited to the wedding (you already know thats a no no) then I would honestly tell her nope. Maybe invite her to the one your MOH is throwing for you if she isn't already.

Another option is to do something just the two of you I guess. She might just want to be involved maybe?