Future stepdaughter

How's your relationship with her? How about going out just the 2 of you and do fun stuff together then bring up the issue about her bridesmaid dress? I don't have a step child so I really don't know what to do in that situation either.

We have a great relationship together but once she doesn't get her way or she gets mad at her dad she just stops coming over and talking, so taking her out to do things or discuss it with her is almost impossible.

Oh boy that is a problem. Still try calling her though and go from there. Good luck, I hope it will work out in the end.

Thank you!

Oh my that is an issue. She's a tough cookie. I do believe she'll come around though esp if you two have a good relationship she won't want to disappoint you. Have you tried reaching out to her mom?

@Dana G. I sure hope so. Her mom unfortunately is very difficult and not much help which I think is half the problem we are having with her.

I would 1) reach out to her via phone and 2) if she doesn't answer leave a text (you know she is checking) to let her know that 1) you are going to pick out dresses x day and time and want her to come. 2) ask her if/when she wants you to pick her up, and 3) be clear that if she isn't able to go you understand but that you will likely have to choose the dress that day anyways since it is so close to the deadline. I bet she will respond so she doesn't have to wear a dress she doesn't like.

And even with all that she may very well choose not to participate in the wedding but there is little to be done about that. When you have opportunities, continue to try to develop a positive relationship with her so that even if she is mad at her father that day she will be motivated to show up for you.

@Tammy-I too am a stepmom of 2 beautiful teenage girls. I can totally understand what you are going through. Our oldest turned 18 in April (prior to our wedding) a week later she moved out while H and I were at work. (H has full custody their mom is not in the picture). She didn't want any authority figure at all. We told her it was up to her if she was or wasn't in the wedding (even though I already had her dress). I hate to say it they are teens so they are an emotional rollercoaster.

You can't worry about it honestly. You can't force her to go dress shopping or anything else. She knows your getting married and she's supposed to be part of it. If she makes the choice to not be part of your day she is the one that will have to live with that choice as an adult. Yes it will hurt FH but he's an adult and he will be fine.

I am truly sorry you all are dealing with this I know how hard it can be. Just keep your head up kids are kids.

How is your/FH's relationship with her mom? I've been that teenager but a little less bratty I hope It would have made a difference I think if my mom would have encouraged me to play nice.

How's your relationship with her mom? If the two of you are okay maybe you could reach out to her mom and ask if it's okay for you to pick her up at her mom's house and spend the day with her doing wedding related stuff.

Sorry OP...I just read through the comments and realized her mom is not helpful.

I don't have a solution for you but trust me when I say I feel your pain. FH has an 18 year old that has made things super difficult for us too. If you need extra support, I subscribed to Step mom magazine. They have a forum too and it's helped me a lot! Good luck!

What you do is email her with the shopping plans. IF she doesn't come, go shopping with the other girls and email her and let her know what you guys agreed on and tell her you'll go shopping with her if she wants. Then you leave the ball in her court. You can't pull her from the bridal party.

Susan, your parenting advice sucks.