Future sister in Law

It's completely acceptable (in all standard etiquette and for "normal" family relations) to only include your actual nearest and dearest in your wedding party. If you and your FSIL are not close, then there are more cons than pros to including her as an obligation.

And normally I would say it's not polite to tell people they are not included (you just don't include them, and don't discuss details around them, and they will figure it out). But if she keeps bringing it up, you will need to tell her outright the next time she brings it up. You are only potentially making it worse by not telling her at this point.

Saying something like, "I have already chosen all of my bridesmaids and they are all my family members I have known all my life", would be perfectly polite. Focus on giving a brief, true answer without any hinting. Then change the subject and don't engage on this topic again. Here's the thing though, now matter how you word it, she might still have her feelings hurt. You can't control how she reacts. But as long as you are kind and polite, you haven't done anything wrong and she will just have to feel her feelings.

I would tell tell her the next time she brings it up, I have already chosen my bridesmaids, who are my nearest and dearest. You do not have to go into detail, apologize, or give excuses.

If this is something that's important to her and to your fiancé's family, ie your future family, and you know it's a nice gesture then why make this a hill to die on? You posted about this already, and I still don't know why she needs to speak the same language or how including her has to prevent you from having fun. I'm not saying you're obligated, but I'd look at the bigger picture, personally.

View Quoted Comment I'll put it this way to see if you understand it better. Just because she is my sister-in-law doesn't mean they have to impose anything on me. Nobody has asked me or consulted it with me, and it is my future husband and my wedding nobody else's. He can add whoever he wants and I want my closest girls, the ones that have been with me throughout my entire life.

View Quoted Comment Wow, it sounds like you really don't like your SIL. I would tread very lightly when you have the conversation, and don't say anything remotely close to what you wrote here. Maybe she can stand on your future husband's side. I am afraid that if you completely leave her out you are going to severely damage the relationship with your future inlaws and that more than likely won't be able to be repaired.

View Quoted Comment I think having her stand on the groom’s side is a wonderful idea. Why don’t you talk to your FH about this? If anyone is going to get “guilted into” having her in their wedding party, it should be her own brother.

Agree with PP's suggestion of having her stand on the groom's side. Having 'groomswomen' these days is actually super common.

View Quoted Comment I know! My cousin is going to have a groomswoman. I can’t suggest it because my FH has already all his friends and he hasn’t even suggest anything about it because for them that’s not how it works.

View Quoted Comment As someone who was completely rejected from my brothers wedding, I will note that it will damage your relationship with her. I mean we all learn to be civil and have conversations, but my SIL went out of her way to not include or invite me to anything. Me and my now FH left their wedding early because I really didn’t want to be there. However, others are right saying you don’t have to include her and there’s nothing that says you do, but the consequences are still there. As petty as it might seem, since my SIL never made an effort with me, I’m not making an effort with her to include her in anything. I never got the chance to stand on my brothers side, so I think that could be an option. I would love to have my FHs sisters stand with me, unfortunately, they are all 10+ years older than him (and me), and I can’t afford to pay for 9 bridesmaids.

The bridal party is for the bride to choose. It's not called the in laws party. If your fiance wants his sister in the party then he should incorporate her. I would just make it sweet and simple, and leave out the different language. Bringing up the fact you speak a different language makes it seem like you guys don't like her and would ignore her, however you just want the girls that are your biggest supporters in life and marriage to be standing next to you.

I would be highly irritated if someone just assumed they were in my wedding party and started acting as though they were actually invited to be part of it. The next time it comes up, I would tell her that you have already chosen your bridesmaids among your long-time friends and family, and that you're sorry there was a misunderstanding about it, but you're looking forward to her being there on the big day as a guest. You can't have everyone be a bridesmaid just because they'll be offended if you don't.

View Quoted Comment I’m glad you understand how I feel. It’s not like I don’t like her, but I’m not okay with everyone assuming she is in it because I feel like nobody cares about what I want. I just have to find the words to let them know I would have liked them to ask me first.

I'm not going to have my fsil as my bridesmaid or even my own sister sense me and her have a bad relationship but I figured out how to still make them feel special and included without taking away my own comfort and that is having all me and my partners siblings wear a baby blue and gold as my bridesmaids are wearing navy blue and gold and including them in some wedding planning talks

View Quoted Comment Hmm, making siblings buy clothes when they're not in your wedding isn't really an honor. You, however, could buy them corsages and bouts if you did want to designate them. But, your guests should already know who is family anyway. Overall, though no family member must be part of the WP.

View Quoted Comment I'm literally the one who's buying the clothes and jewelery for them

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This might not be the honour you're imagining it to be. The only attire you have discretion over is the bridesmaids.

I like the idea of a corsage/boutonnier for close family that aren't in the wedding party!

View Quoted Comment It sounds like you made your WP bigger investing more money and coordination. I hope they like what you select for them in your chosen price point.

View Quoted Comment Actually they are quite excited about it it's something we have discussed his sister liked it cause she is a mother of a 1 year old and doesn't have time to be a bridesmaid but wants to bond and be a part of the wedding while my sister liked that it's not too involved but makes her feel special and my youngest sibling is happy they get a special color that makes them feel very special also I'm not deciding the outfits my sister's wearing a suit my sibling is wearing a button up bow tie and skirt and fsil is wearing a jump suit they all chose what makes them feel comfortable and happy I asked if they would like baby blue for the reason of it's in the same color just different shade as my bridesmaids they was all happy with it when I asked

View Quoted Comment They got to choose what they are going to wear fsil is wearing a jumpsuit my sister is wearing a suit and my sibling is wearing a button up bow tie and skirt I just wanted them to feel comfortable and happy