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Just Said Yes September 2021

Future Sister-in Law getting engaged at the same time as us

Mary, on May 4, 2020 at 9:49 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 11
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Hey there so I’ve had this pretty heavily on my mind and I really just want to make sure that I’m not wrong for feeling the way I do about this.
My fiancé and I have been dating for 3 years and got engaged in October of 2019. We decided to have a bit longer of an engagement to allow us to settle down into our new jobs post college and wanted to plan for September of 2021. His parents held a special engagement dinner for us shortly after getting engaged where his younger sister and her boyfriend who had been dating for only 6 months at the time began talking about when he would propose to her (what type of ring he should get, how he should do it, ect.). At the time I wasn’t super bothered by this but here we are about 6 months later and he is about to propose to her as well.
Their proposal to her has already taken priority over our wedding even though we were engaged first. His younger sister is already well aware her boyfriend is soon to propose to her and has begun loose planning with her mom. I get that everyone is excited for them and I am as well but I can’t help but just feel a little bit hurt. They aren’t even engaged yet (it’s happening on Friday) and have already talked about how it will be before ours in May and a destination wedding. We have been told by my fiancé’s mom that we have to put a deposit down on venues now so that her daughter can plan, even though my parents do not currently have the funds to put down a deposit in the midst of this COVID-19 outbreak. We have also made the concern that we do not have the extra time off that year to be able to attend another destination wedding as we have already committed to one earlier in the year and have to plan enough time off for our own honeymoon. We were told by my fiancé’s parents that we are just going to have to make it work even though they are not even engaged yet and we had already had these plans for a long time.
I’m just a little frustrated by this whole thing. My fiancé and I have not been able to plan much due to COVID and my parents current finances and I just feel like we have been put on the back burner by his family. I get you’re naturally going to be excited for your own daughters birthday, however it has taken so much priority over ours already when my fiancé is the first born. And it also hurts looking back seeing that they brought up their engagement at our engagement dinner. Just seems wrong to me. We’re both just extremely hurt by the situation and aren’t really sure what to do. I plan on sitting down with my future sister in law after she’s engaged and discussing my concerns with her as I’m not sure how much is her and how much her her mom. But none the less we’re both just less than thrilled about everything that has happened and it’s really giving me a hard time. I want to be happy for them but I still can’t help but feel a bit upset and as if no one even cares about our engagement in the first place.

11 Comments

Latest activity by Leslie, on May 5, 2020 at 12:51 AM
  • M
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Mary ·
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    I meant their own daughters engagement not birthday- she is however going to be proposed to on her 21st birthday which I also feel is a bit young and rushed given they’ve only been dating a year.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Feelings are never wrong, but I think you need to feel these and let them go. Your FILs are helping their daughter plan because she is planning. You’re not planning yet, I’m not sure what they’re supposed to help with. Your FSIL isn’t doing anything wrong, this is a jealousy issue between you and your FH.
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    Your engagement was duely celebrated and recognized. Now 6 months later there is no reason that they shouldn't also celebrate their daughter. Age, birth order or length of relationship have no bearing on when someone can/should get engaged. Feel all the frustration and disappointment now get it all out then move forward. You will feel much better.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    You say no one cares about your engagement but his parents hosted a special engagement dinner for the two of you? That’s more than 90% of the couples I know got from their/their FS’s families when they got engaged. It sounds like your FSIL is already actively planning and her family is excited for her. It’s fine if you can’t make it work to attend a destination wedding and you can discuss that with your FSIL but I’d tread lightly here because if you make it about how long they’ve been together or how long they’ll be engaged vs you, you’re going to come off looking petty to their entire family.
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  • Allie
    Dedicated May 2020
    Allie ·
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    I agree with pp. your feelings are definitely valid especially since you are stressed about not being able to plan your big day how you’d like to at the moment, but I would try to let go or talk to FSIL. My fiancé and I have been together over 2 years and wanted a short engagement as well(tomorrow is the big day!!) so try not to take it too personally that she’s planning hers before your wedding. It’s probably just that they are ready for the big day! I know it’s hard, but try to think about how special your day will be, and no one will overshadow you then!! ❤️🎉
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  • M
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Mary ·
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    Thanks for yalls responses. I definitely think I just need to get over myself. I’m truly happy for them I guess I was just letting jealousy take hold -easy to let things fester when life seems like it’s put on hold- but thank you all. I’ll work on trying to just let the frustration go.
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    I would do my best to try and let these feelings go. You and your fiancé picked a timeframe that worked for you and your relationship. Your future sister in law and her soon to be fiancé are picking a timeframe that works for them. If you have prior commitments that prevent you from attending the wedding that is understandable and you and your fiancé should explain that. If it were me I would try my very best to make it to a close family wedding but there will situations where it might not work and that’s okay. I think your feelings on this are very strong right now because you know the engagement will be soon. Once the family has a bit of time to celebrate and move on you might have different feelings about the situation.
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  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
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    I get your feelings, and I would probably feel the same way. That being said, these folks will be your new family - no need in bringing in jealousy when they're working on their timeline and you're working on yours. So you're valid for feeling that, but you are still very much celebrated, I'm sure. My husband's family has two sons, and they definitely haven't been involved much if at all with the planning. My mother on the other hand has been in lock step with me, giving me advice and helping me plan. I think there may also be some part of your future mother in law who doesn't want to overstep or intrude - my mother in law is very much that way. She hasn't really wanted to step on my mother's toes.


    And let's be honest. Of course she's going to be more involved with her daughter because this is her daughter. That doesn't make you any less important- she probably just doesn't know you as well and might not know how to help without being overbearing. Good luck! Try not to let your frustrations take away from your own wedding, because it will be beautiful when you finally have it.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Mary ·
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    Hey girl thanks for your reply- I definitely agree now that I’m taking a step back to look at it. I need to just let the jealous feelings go. I’m currently living with my future in laws with my fiancé until we can finish getting moved so I think a lot of this is stemming from being cooped up with all of it and getting the very raw version of it all. Things quarantine will do to ya lol. But I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Definitely helps get my head on correctly!
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  • M
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Mary ·
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    Hey girl thanks for your reply- also congrats on yalls big day tomorrow!!
    I definitely agree now that I’m taking a step back to look at it. I need to just let the jealous feelings go. I’m currently living with my future in laws with my fiancé until we can finish getting moved so I think a lot of this is stemming from being cooped up with all of it and getting the very raw version of it all. Things quarantine will do to ya lol. But I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Definitely helps get my head on correctly!
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  • L
    Super October 2020
    Leslie ·
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    It doesn’t seem like you’ve booked anything yet. They can’t wait for you to figure out your timing and need to plan based on her dream. The two are spectate events. What I see the problem is being more of a vacation time off for you and her brother. I think he and you need to have a candid conversation about being able to take time off and pay for a trip for their wedding your and the friends plus honeymoon. Maybe you don’t attend the friends wedding? Until you’ve looked at venues, have a date and deposit down, they are going to move forward.

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