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Dedicated February 2019

Future Sil's in wedding?

Jordan, on January 9, 2018 at 12:45 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

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Hello all!

I'm trying to decide the right role to have my future sister in law's hold in our wedding. I'm not close with them at all, I've only spent very limited time with them. My fiancé has two younger sisters, one will be 21 at the wedding, the other will be 16 however she has some developmental delays and seems to be MUCH younger in social interactions. He isn't close at all with the other sister, but talks to the younger one a little more frequently, but again she's got a much younger mindset so they aren't super super close. Apparently 5 years ago when their older brother got married, she was upset she wasn't in the wedding so he told her she could be in his (in an attempt to calm her down, thinking that day was far from happening for him and wasn't really thinking about it). The day after we got engaged she texted him asking if we'd picked a date yet, she preferred in September , and also saying "I'm still going to be in your wedding right!? you promised me at (brothers) wedding."

Well, long story short, I have a full set of bridesmaids, (and he's already short on groomsmen) and neither of us feel like they need to be bridesmaids, but I'm trying to find a way to incorporate them into the wedding so there aren't any melt downs or issues and can hopefully keep everyone somewhat happy.

Sorry for going on and on, but it's kind of a weird situation!

Any advice is appreciated!

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17 Comments

Latest activity by J, on January 9, 2018 at 5:11 PM

Super November 2018
Susan · on January 9, 2018 at 1:01 AM
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Have them do a reading, or maybe be ushers.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 9, 2018 at 1:22 AM
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I would have them be ushers, invite them to RD, and get them a corsage.
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Expert May 2018
J · on January 9, 2018 at 1:27 AM
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Well since he’s short groomsmen, maybe she can be a groomswoman? Yes, that’s a thing!
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Just Said Yes May 2018
Catherine · on January 9, 2018 at 1:34 AM
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That's tough - I'd agree with the others, maybe if you incorporate her in some way (besides being a bridesmaid) she won't be as hurt. Little gifts and giving her a role or something "really important" to do during the wedding may keep her distracted. Also would try to keep her from seeing the bridesmaids walking down the isle/taking pics/etc, so she doesn't realize she's left out.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on January 9, 2018 at 1:54 AM
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His problem. He promised his sister she would be in his wedding. He can have her as a groomswoman.
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Dedicated June 2018
Bride2beeee · on January 9, 2018 at 6:33 AM
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My FSIL is an usher
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Super May 2018
Josh & Justine · on January 9, 2018 at 7:41 AM
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Agree with PP- have her be an usher or do a reading. If she does a reading, you can even include her on your programs (if you want).
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VIP December 2026
Chariece & Sterling · on January 9, 2018 at 7:55 AM
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Some say his sister his promise, his problem. When you're dealing with someone with developmental delays on your wedding day it can quickly become every ones problem if she has another melt down.Whatever role you give her It should be slowly transitioned to her. Example if you make her an usher say things like I know you going do great as an usher in our wedding. And see how she respond than you can decide her role from there.
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VIP September 2018
EngineerInLove · on January 9, 2018 at 8:47 AM
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Can younger FSIL go dress shopping with you? A friend had a similar situation, but without the promise of being in the wedding, and SIL ended up buying the same dress as the bridesmaid but in a different color, and she had a corsage. She can also be an usher as others pointed out.

if older FSIL doesn't feel the need to be in the wedding party or included, I think she can just be a guest and you'll be fine.
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VIP September 2018
EngineerInLove · on January 9, 2018 at 8:56 AM
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To Becca's point, if he's already "short on GMs", can she be a groomswoman on his side? Is that something you and he would be open to? My statement above about dress shopping still applies either way.
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Master October 2016
Mrs. Fall Bride · on January 9, 2018 at 10:44 AM
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Can they be groomswomen and stand on his side? It makes more sense for them to stand with him, and not that sides need to be even (ours were not), but it would even things out.
I would not have them as bridesmaids if you're not close to them and don't really know them that well.
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Expert May 2018
Emily · on January 9, 2018 at 11:25 AM
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Have them be groomswomen!
its totally a thing. i have a bridesman and it doesnt look weird. it can even your BP out. you can give her a different color dress and a corsage to match the men but keep her feminine. she seems excited, so i would see if you could do this for her.
other than that i would say ushers, if they/the other wanted.
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Expert May 2018
Mrs. Danihel · on January 9, 2018 at 2:36 PM
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Personally, my life is my family and my in-laws are my family. I made my sister-in-law a bridesmaid and my fh made my brother a groomsman. I accepted my sister-in-law as my sister and my sisters will all be in my bridal party. No matter what. I personally would make your sister-in-laws bridesmaids. But that is just me.
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Expert May 2018
J · on January 9, 2018 at 3:22 PM
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But why would they be her bridesmaids if she barely knows them? Why can’t they stand on his side and be his groomswomen? They are his family, so to me that makes more sense. I’ve been to a few weddings with groomswomen and bridesmen, I think it’s very nice for everyone to be able to stand next to the person they are closer to and the gender shouldn’t matter.
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Expert May 2018
Mrs. Danihel · on January 9, 2018 at 3:47 PM
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They can be groomswomen. That isn' a problem at all, if she decides to do that. Personally though, for me even of I wasn't close to my sister-in-law I still see them as sisters and like I said my sisters will be my bridesmaids. That is just me.
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Expert May 2018
J · on January 9, 2018 at 5:11 PM
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Okay, I can see how you would feel that way. I mainly just wanted to point out that women can totally be groomswomen if she wants them to be in her wedding but isn’t keen on making them bridesmaids (especially since she already has more bridesmaids than groomsmen, not that being even really matters but some people prefer that).
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