Future sil is driving us batty

I agree about the dress. If she doesn't have it by the wedding, she'll be a guest. (You said they come in within a few weeks, so she really does have time.) Based on her lack of response/enthusiasm, I'd assume she doesn't have much interest in coming to work on crafts and bond with you and your sister. It's great you made the offer, but I'd just let it go and you and your sister do them yourselves. Would it be cool if the three of you were besties? Yes, but not necessary. I definitely would NOT "tattle" -- that's pretty much guaranteed to NOT make your relationship with her better. If your FMIL figures it out on her own that her daughter hasn't ordered a dress and chooses to talk with her about it, that's on them, but I would not get involved. At 24, she's an adult who gets to make her own choices.

I get that, but all you can do is reach out. If she's already a bit standoffish, I'd consider that "only texting her not more than once a week" to ask if she's ordered her dress could seem to her to be completely over the top and kind of obnoxious from her perspective. It doesn't sound like she and FH are super close, and it's hard to know all the family dynamics to understand why that is. She may be jealous, she may resent your close relationship with her mom, she may resent that she's not as close to your FH as they used to be, she could be feeling like at 24 her life isn't where she hoped it would be, etc. There are just SO many things that may be influencing her attitude right now. You've made offers, but I'd consider backing off a little. If she already has an issue, repeatedly asking her about wedding stuff may be making matters worse. If possible, perhaps encourage FH to spend time with her alone when you are in her town -- they can go to lunch together or whatever. Let him work on his relationship with her first. Either way, despite it being disappointing, I think it might help to realize that trying to push her to interact with you doesn't seem to be making things better and may be making them worse. The plan is you'll be family soon and forever; give her time and space and you might be surprised how your relationship grows over the years as everyone continues to mature. Good luck! (I've been married 32+ years, and between us, we have 10 siblings and their spouses. My relationships with different people have definitely grown and changed over the years as our circumstances have changed. Give it time.)

Leave her alone about the dress - she has plenty of time to get it. If she doesn't, then she's not a BM - not worth stressing over.

If you're DIYing bouquets you need to actually do it YOURSELF. You're BM's are not hired labor. A day of making bouquets sounds horrible to me, no matter how much I love the bride and I definitely wouldn't drive up to spend the weekend with my SIL and her sister to make them. I can be supportive and happy for you without being excited about crafts.

Honestly, it sounds like she's not doing anything wrong and you're kind of bugging her. I don't appreciate being hounded (even once a week) to do a task that I have plenty of time to do. There's really not much she needs to respond to either.

I get that it might not be exactly the omg girl time moment you were expecting but everyone is different about weddings, especially when it's not their own. I think you just need to back off and recognize that crafting, etc is not something she is interested in.

Since the dress only takes a few weeks to come in, then she still has plenty of time. My sister-in-law didn't order her dress until like 2 months prior to the wedding because she was pregnant at the time. Unfortunately, she ended up having a miscarriage and after that is when she ordered the dress. She didn't have the dress hemmed until two days prior to the wedding. My mother-in-law is the one that hemmed her dress. Your sister-in-law obviously knows the style of the dress and where to get it. She also knows she needs to have the dress for your wedding so I am sure she will purchase it. Worst case, she isn't in the wedding. As for the flowers, she obviously has no interest in putting together bouquets. I wouldn't either as I am not very artistic so I would be worried about ruining them. Just because she is a bridesmaid doesn't mean she needs to bond with you and the other bridesmaids. Although it would be nice if she would, it isn't a requirement. My brother-in-law's wife made her own bouquets, but not every person in the bridal party helped. She got help from her fiance, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, her mom, the best man and maid of honor. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, the best man and maid of honor stayed at their house for several days prior to the wedding since they had traveled from out of state so they were available to help with putting together bouquets. The rest of the bridal party either didn't want to help, didn't need to help or were otherwise busy.

What does your FH think about the whole situation? It's his sister after all.

Also, if you get down to the wire, I wouldn't hesitate to involve your FMIL if you and her get along great. You may think of it as tattling, but if you don't mention it to her and your FH's sister doesn't end up getting her dress or isn't able to be a part of the wedding party anymore, your FMIL might feel bad that she was left out of knowing about the situation that is unfolding.

I think the best thing to do is do something non-wedding related to bond with her! I have a good friend who is not a BM who respectfully told me that she didn't want to be involved in my wedding planning or even talk about my wedding with/around her. Once we started doing things that were non-wedding related that's actually when she ended up opening up on her own about why she didn't want to be involved in my wedding planning or even hear about my wedding.

I know I'm worried about a couple of my girls getting their alterations done on time but like many people have told me, it is what it is. It's hard to take a step back since I'm very Type A and always want to be on time (or 15 minutes ahead) lol. Hopefully your SIL orders the dress soon and gets her alterations done!

I agree with some other comments, that in a nice but FIRM way, give her a deadline to order her dress and if she cannot meet this deadline, then you would love to have her attend as a guest. If it helps ease the fear of conflict, let her know that all members of the wedding party have been provided this deadline as well (even though I'm guessing no one else needs this deadline), however, make sure this is an individual conversation because throwing it in a bridesmaid group-chat will likely not get the point across that she is the one who is behind. I would mention these worries to your FH, while making sure to not sound like you're bashing the sister, and he may be in a better position to communicate with her or do with that info what he will.

While I would not give her sole responsibility of any wedding tasks, I would always leave an invitation open for her to attend any crafting, planning, and general wedding girl time but do so with the understanding that she isn't very involved otherwise you're setting yourself up for hurt feelings and/or incomplete projects. There are a million reasons she isn't present that she may not be wanting to share: issues in personal life, her own version of "wedding blues", if she doesn't have any married friends and is not married herself she may not see this as a big deal to bail on crafting, she's worried about being left out if it's all your best girlies + her not knowing anyone.

At the end of the day, be the bigger person, and make a best effort to let her participate because after your wedding day, you'll have another sister for life and how you interact with her now will set the tone (I know I sulked and pouted about being the "bigger person" when my sister did a lot of these similar things and ultimately was not in my wedding, because it's our big day right? Other people should be the bigger person? But being the bigger/kinder/etc. is always worth it, I promise)

If she doesn't want to get her dress, that on her. She can attend the wedding as a guest. I don't think it's something that you should worry about since you have so much else to worry about. Everything will work out one way or another. Good luck!

Wait, she doesn't even want to attend??? WTH?!

Sounds like its time to draw the line. If she doesn't have the dress before the wedding, she'll be a guest! That simple.