Future sil adult step children

I don't think you messed up. I think she should have never told you a year ago that she was ok with, then close to the wedding switch up on you guys. Me personally, if she wants to act like a child I'd let her and would not entertain her attitude or give her the time of day. I'd probably cut her from the guests list as well, but that's just me.

You didn’t mess up. It was nice of you to even talk to her about it a year ago when you gave her the heads up - and she said it was fine. Also, I’m assuming (no offense to you) that her adult children aren’t interested in attending and she is making a big deal out of nothing. I don’t think you really have to make amends, I’d just tread lightly as she seems a bit volatile. Avoid unnecessary conversations with them. If it comes up again, kindly let her know that per your previous convo you kept that guest list and that is the number of people that have been budgeted for and you aren’t willing to alter that at this time.

View Quoted Comment No offense taken! We figured the same but have been told that they’re aware that they aren’t invited and they’re all figuring out how to deal with this.

I bet you anything this is coming from her husband. If she was fine with it then all of a sudden isn’t I would assume she didn’t think it’s a big deal (because it’s not) and when they got the invite husband found out (or she finally mentioned it). He got offended, she doesn’t to fight, tries to put it on you.


Honestly, then she won’t be in pictures if that’s what she chooses. She has 2 months to calm down. If not, it is what it is

Oh wow, is it too late to invite them to the wedding as well? I feel like that's the easiest way to make amends. But you are definitely not in the wrong for not inviting them.

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I agree with Lauren. This is likely coming from her husband. I also agree with Cool that the stepchildren probably don't care one way or the other (and would probably prefer to do anything other than go to a wedding for people they don't know well). If she makes the decision not to be in pictures, then she looks bad *and* she's likely to have regrets in the coming years - but none of that is your problem. Carry on as you have been.

I don't understand why adult children or stepchildren would warrant an invite, unless you're independently close to them. It's not like they need momma for breastfeeding or babysitting

That's so odd. Adult children are their own social units. Is she normally someone that likes to stir up drama?

View Quoted Comment Think about it this way: would you be offended if you were not invited to one of their weddings? Or would you think “ugh what I don’t know them even this is weird?”

Are other nieces and nephews invited? Did she find out that they were the only ones left out?

View Quoted Comment The only other nephews invited are the ring bearer(s) and they are 6 and 8. No other adult children of family is invited including children of cousins that we have grown up with.

View Quoted Comment Yes this makes sense .

View Quoted Comment She does not have a problem expressing her opinion and often struggles to see other people’s perspectives.

View Quoted Comment So we ended up inviting them but have not heard anything back from her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

No, you did not mess up.

Even if she hadn't told you a year ago that she was fine with it, you still didn't mess up.

The key word in this is adult.

Adult offspring are individuals. They are not children. Even if they are still technically dependents (living in their parents' house, for example) they are not children.

Even my mother, who is my biological parent, would never have insisted I was invited to any social event that she was invited to after I was an adult, no matter who it was.

You were under no obligation to invite them.

I have no suggestions for making amends, because making amends suggests you were in the wrong or made a mistake, and neither is true.