Rachel
Savvy May 2021

Future Mother in law

Rachel, on August 25, 2020 at 9:53 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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Hi everyone! I’m struggling right now... my FMIL has not been the easiest person to get along with. She fights with my fiancé constantly, tells him she’s not coming to the wedding, and so on. She is currently not talking to us, told us she will not be at the wedding however I know that will change in a weeks time. we are trying to figure out sleeping arrangements for the wedding in May which needs to be in by December(I know we have time, not the biggest concern right now). She doesn’t like me for no reason at all, I’ve tried to resolve issues between them SO many times and it is never appreciated by her. Tried to be the bigger person and I’m tired of being treated poorly. Any advice on how to make this wedding process easier? I am feeling like there will be drama started at the wedding and am dreading it

15 Comments

Latest activity by Rachel, on September 21, 2020 at 5:37 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    My advice would be to not engage. Don’t try to resolve things between them. Don’t reach out to her. Don’t play her game.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    Just continue to have your fiances back and continue to support him. I wouldn't go back and fourth with her, and if she decides not to come to your wedding then that is completely on her.

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    Sorry that this is causing a bunch of drama! I agree with the previous comments, try to avoid being involved in an argument with her, though definitely support your fiance. If she decides to not attend, that's her decision and not on you.


    As for sleeping arrangements, I would wait to see where things are by November/early December before making a decision on whether to include her or not in the accommodations. Things may change drastically between now and then.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    If she refuses to respect you then this is something your FH must resolve, not you. I recommend you suggest that he ocassionaly visits or spends time with his mom without you if she's not willing go be cordial towards you.


    He needs to be the one to tell her that he cannot tolerate any nonsense at the wedding but would love to have her there if she can behave herself.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I would interact with her as little as possible at this point. It sounds like you have done all that you can. If she decides not to come to the wedding, that is on her. You and your FH should just continue on with you planning and try to enjoy yourselves.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I would avoid speaking with her especially anything related to the wedding. Not sure why you need to figure out sleeping arrangements in December when your wedding isn't until May, but I would let her figure that out on her own. We got married at a hotel so they automatically did a room block for us so we just provided the guests this information and let them decide on their own if they wanted to stay at our hotel.

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie Online ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    This, exactly. She has already shown you you can't win. Refuse to play any more. And *definitely* something like sleeping arrangements can just be left up to the individuals to figure out.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Just don't involve her in wedding plans. She will figure out where she wants to sleep if she attends the wedding. I wouldn't even talk to her about it until a week or so before.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
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    Right now she says she’s not coming to the wedding- apparently the wedding doesn’t matter to her since they’re not talking. She was suppose to pay for the bartender/ rehearsal dinner, I was going to text her not to worry about it since she doesn’t know if she’s coming.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    My wedding is at a venue that has campsites and cabins, if the cabins arent blocked off the release them to the public to be rented out so I was just looking to find people to fill them
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    It's a good idea to decline any offers of help from her, since you know you can't count on her anyway. It will be much less stressful to pay for things yourself. But I wouldn't text her that. I would have your future spouse handle that conversation. And once you (as a couple) have declined her offer, do not accept any more if she changes her mind again.

    Re. the cabin thing, I think all you can do is let people know the details (where it is, how much $ for the cabins, when the deadline to book is) and then let it go. You will needlessly stress yourself out if you try to micromanage where people stay.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    She sounds toxic.

    If she doesn't come, that's her loss, and reflects on her, not you.

    My mother declined to attend, because she didn't like the invitations. She threw a fit, and none of her family came. Because of paper. We have not spoken in over a year.

    ...Let me tell you - it is glorious to not have to respond to the toxicity all the time. Let her throw fits. If she declares she will not be there, plan as if she will not. If she changes her mind, she gets whatever you can fit her in for... and she has to live with it.

    • Reply
  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    I 100% agree with this!

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    Wow, that's so generous of her to offer to pay for the bartender and rehearsal dinner and that you told her not to!! I thought your issues were because "She’s always telling us she has NO money to help us with the wedding" - this is great news!

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Savvy May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    You’re really stuck on this aren’t you😂
    • Reply

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