Future Mother in Law Vent

I don’t understand why his mom he any say in guest list, vendors, or your bridal party. You’re giving her control, of course she’s going to take it.

Is she paying for the wedding???? If not, why are you letting her control the whole thing? I could not handle this. I’d make sure my fiancé was on board, cancel the 50-person wedding, and plan our 20-person elopement keeping the details quiet from the Meddling MIL.

View Quoted Comment I agree. If you would stop giving her control. I would sit down with your fiance and the two of you make a guest list based on who you want there not who she wants there. I would also only have those you want in your bridal party. I also wouldn't let her tell you who your DJ is. Pick what you want as this is your wedding.

It’s your wedding. Everyone else beside the bride and groom should act like a guest, because they are. Take control of your own wedding. Do what makes you and fh happy. At least your fh is on the same page as you, and said something to his mom 🥂

Sorry sounds like you gotta be a lil bit firm with her, such as this is the time place bye. If She has her opinion on it say no, nope, not happening, send a nope gif. She continues, ignore her till she gets the message. The fact you let her get this far is insane! Stick to what you want, she complains tell her that she is invited but if she hates it that much you understand if she doesn't come. More than likely it just a dirt kicking and she will be there. You teach people how to treat you and can you imagine other life events going this way and you being fine with it.

Now is the perfect excuse to have an elopement with Covid. Max 20 people and less stress

You want everyone to be happy but it is compromising your own. i know situations with mothers can be tricky because it can be hard to say no but in these cases you have to put your foot down

If your FMIL is not contributing financially, then I would stop communicating with her about wedding plans. This is you and your fiances wedding, so she should have no say in the type of wedding you plan or who is in your bridal party... if she is not paying for it. Do what makes you and your FH happy and leave her out of it. Also, don't include his sister in your bridal party if you don't want her in it!

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Completely agree. I can't stress this enough. I completely understand pleasing parents, however, ultimately, this is a day of celebration for your love. You are free to celebrate whom you want to and if you want 5 people or 500 people there to celebrate with you, it's your decision.... especially if they are not contributing anything financially.

Yeah, if she's not paying for it, I'd leave her right on out of it. Sorry about the annoying FMIL.

Moms can be SUCH sticky situations, but if she isn't financially involved, she really doesn't get a say. Even then, financial involvement does not mean full control. It's hard to put your foot down with moms, but sometimes it just has to happen. It's your life and your wedding; you get to do what you want, no matter how she feels about it. She seems especially controlling, so a firm stand may be the only option here. Good luck!

Unfortunately, it looks like the two of you have given her control - maybe not outright, but by even allowing her to weigh in on decisions, she thinks she gets a say. even if she's paying for all or part of it, the wedding is for you and FH. in my opinion, he was right to stand up to her, but maybe not as an ultimatum or threat...should probably be a more heartfelt conversation than that. she may be more responsive to that, too.

good luck!!

It's not your mother in laws wedding It's you and your husband's wedding. She has no say on who is invited and on how you want things to go.

Why have you just handed over control? If she is paying for it, this is the time to tell her, this is not her wedding, it is yours. And you would rather come up with $**** yourselves, for what you want, than deal with her constant challenges to what you want. Back to a small private wedding of 20-25. You choose the bridal party, just friends. You choose the music. You choose people who help out. She is fa I'll. She attends as a guest, the wedding that you two plan. Period. She needs boundaries for what will be acceptable your whole marriage. You are adults who make your own life decisions now. She needs to tend to her own things, not think she can step in and control what you do. Not now. Not in the future.

Like PPs have said, don’t communicate with her about your wedding plans. Tell your fiancé not to text her for opinions. Unless she’s independently hiring and paying for all these vendors she shouldn’t be feeding into these decisions. You’ll need to be pretty clear about boundaries for the wedding and other parts of your married life!