Future Mother in law problems......

Ugh... that is certainly no way to start your wedding planning / life togther... traditionally, yes, the bride's parents pay for the wedding - - but honestly, in this day and age that is a bit antiquated. most couples i know pay for the wedding on their own, perhaps with some minimal help from the family. it sounds as if your relationship is tenuous at best, and i would not recommend asking her if she is going to contribute anything to the wedding... i would, however, see if your fiance could tactfully broach the subject with her... to see if she was planning on contributing - it just seems like you asking would fuel the fire if you know what i mean...

Quick education... Most brides here are paying for everything themselves. They do not expect or feel entitled to assistance from their families. I'm not saying yo do, but don't expect much sympathy here when it comes to lack of financial support from parents.Make sure to plan the wedding the 2 of you can afford. Any help above that is icing on the cake.

Back to your question. I think if you want to know if she will be covering some of the costs, your FH needs to ask her. You already mentioned she doesn't like you. Don't give her reason to think you are money hungry or greedy. Since she already has helped her other children, it only seems fair she'd help your DH. But don't expect or anticiapte help from her.

Good luck!

I know what you are saying. Sometimes I want to ask her just out of spite. She supports his drug addict brothers, and buys them new trucks every year. And the thing is that I probably wouldn't even have asked her to begin with. I don't expect anyone to pay the bill, but my family insisted. I just don't understand how you can treat your son that way. If it was my child and I was filthy rich I would jump over the moon to help them with their wedding. He says it's not me, that she hates everyone, but I guess I take it personally. I don't know, but you are right, he needs to express to her that if she doesn't help she has to right to make request. Thanks though girl, this whole thing is just stressing me out!

As mentioned, "tradition" is that the brides family pays for the wedding. The grooms family, the rehearsal dinner.

You could either have your FH ask if his parents will be putting on a rehearsal dinner for you, or have your parents ask. I asked my daughters MIL. She comes from a background where social events were never done, so I wanted to subtly let her know that she was "on" for that event.

Also, as mellojean said, many brides here are paying for their own wedding, dinner and honeymoon. If one is old enough to get married, they are old enough to foot the bill themselves. If either family wants to assist, that is great, but one should not expect that.

I don't expect it, but I do need to know if she plans on helping or not. Because I need to make other arrangements if she does not want to. I was raised in a very southern traditional family I guess because I have never heard of someone paying for their own wedding unless it's your 2nd wedding. But that being said I know that everyone is different. If she would have politely said she didn't have the $ or something that would be different. But the 1st thing you say when you find out your son is getting married should not be about the finances. It should be congrats, I am so happy, ect. If she says no that's okay with me. I just need to know one way or the other. And he doesn't want to ask for some weird reason. He wouldn't even call to tell her, I had to do it on speaker phone. Idk The $ is not what bothers me. It's her attitude.

You are absoluutely right, finances shouldn't be the 1st thing she mentions when told you are engaged. She doesn't sound very considerate. He really needs to talk to her about this. Perhaps on speaker phone again. But he needs to bring it up. I also agree that if she doesn't contribute, she doesn't have input.

WOW! Sounds like someone I know.... We never asked her for anything and she didnt offer! If I were you I would totally drop it and just show her yall can be independent. Also, you shouldnt want her help because she will ALWAYS hold that over you! Good Luck Girl,I thought I was the only one who had one of those. =)

I have a MIL like that as well ... here's the good news ... in the grand scheme of things, the rehearsal dinner can be one of the last things you plan out. whatever you have in mind, start deciding what you want to do and have either you or your FH bring up thoughts about the rehearsal dinner here and there. if she gives her input, she's probably planning on contributing. either way, do what you'd like to on a reasonable budget, try to get her involved and if it doesn't work out, you have time to make other arrangements

Haha good idea! Mabye I should just wait also until I cool down from the whole engagement comment. Errr if you guys just knew this woman though. It's only a matter of time before she does something else to me. When I first met him she told me that my FH was dying of Lupus. Yeah that was a lie so that I wouldn't keep dating him.....oh what to do, what to do. I think I might be better off forgetting that she exists!!!

Do it on your own and when you think your sponsors, your parents will get the glory and she will get the point she should have stepped in for her son. She may help eventually though. My mom is silly, we didn't get along at one point and weren't talking for quite a months but my FH got us back together. She likes him but wants me to herself really and is jealous. She is happy for me and has always said it is her job to pay for the wedding. She has enough money right now to cut a check in full, but said she doesn't have any money for the wedding because she wants to pay her house off, I get it but it is BS because she has that every month plus the wedding money. But she is realizing this isn't a bad thing and she understands we are good for each other love each other, and will do it on our own if we have to, and practically are. Now she is seeing that with the planning it is bringing us closer and other family is sponsoring, she wants to also. Your FMIL may come around in time.

As a mother, I can tell you, if she wanted to help she would offer. I'm going through this right now. The brides family is supposed to pay for the wedding. If not the couple just gets married however they can. My parents did not pay for mine or my sisters weddings! We are still happily married!