Future Mother In Law issues

I agree with PPs. It sounds like she just wants to be involved in the big day and help out where she can. I don't think she even realises she's being overbearing.

To be honest, unless she is demanding or unreasonable (at this point it sounds like she is just making suggestions) then I don't even think it's worth the fuss of chatting to her about it. If she gets annoyed or upset that you haven't followed up on any of her suggestions, then that is another thing altogether.

I think she's just excited. I've found my future MIL will sometimes suggest things I'm not too fond of, but I let it go & acknowledge her opinions (FH is her eldest so she's just really happy). It seems your future MIL just happy that she's finally experiencing planning her child's wedding so for now, just let her be excited while still standing your ground on what you want. Unless she starts meddling & getting upset then I'd just let it go for now.

“Thanks for the suggestion - if I don’t find what I’m looking for at the appointments I’ve already made, I’ll add those stores to my list of places to check out.” If she pushes it and tells you to cancel your appointment, tell her the boutique charges a $50 appointment deposit which you get back if you attend, but don’t if you cancel within a certain timeframe or no-show, and that you’re not prepared to lose that $$$. Something that might be worth considering is come up with something you don’t care about all that much (decor for the card box table, or something like that), give her some general guidelines so it fits in with everything else you’re doing, and ask her to take that on as her own personal wedding project - tell her you’re so busy planning that you would love her help, if she doesn’t mind, and could she look after this whatever it is? Tell her the budget is $x and that of course you’ll pay, but it would be so helpful if she could take the lead on this. It might keep her out of your hair and make her feel included, which is probably all she wants.

I would just be honest with her as you’re being with us here. “Thanks, but I’m looking for a new dress from 2 specific designers and this boutique carries those designers.” If she presses it any further I would just say if you don’t find what you’re looking for there, then you’ll take those shops into consideration.

This is an excellent suggestion - and a great way to frame the discussion so you aren't just shutting her down.

I agree with OPs that say stand your ground. I don't know if that's she's excited or if she thinks she's being helpful or what, but it's YOUR wedding and you can spend YOUR money however you and FH chose too. I know you may not want to put FH in the middle, but keep his offer in mind. After all, he knows her better than you do, right? He grew up with her. But before you have to go that route, just gently tell her that while you appreciate her suggestions, you already know what you want and where you want to go. Tell her that you really want her to be a part of this experience with you and it would great for all involved if she could just go along and enjoy the process. It's tough to reign people in sometimes, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I don't have MIL issues since my both of FH parents have passed. I AM a MIL though, and I did go dress shopping with my DIL. I can't even imagine telling her where to shop or what to wear. I was a guest in the process and made sure to know my place. Good luck to you with this.

My mother-in-law definitely tried to butt in to things that were none of her business. I knew this would be an issue because my husband's sister warned me since my mother-in-law did the same thing to her. My husband and I listened to what his mom had to say, but we never actually took her advice.

Okay so...alternative perspective.

I have been following all of your dress posts, veil posts, etc. the past few weeks. You have great taste, but I think you need to slow down a bit. You are going to ruin this experience for yourself if you go in with really, really rigid ideas of only wanting to go to this specific shop and see this specific designer and/or this specific dress. Part of the fun of dress shopping is trying stuff on, seeing what works on your body and what doesn't. Most places will have stuff you haven't even seen or something you didn't think you'd like will look better on you than the model. The best way to dress shop is with an open mind and it really feels like you're trying to pick your dress from the Internet, which isn't the best (or most fun!) way to do this. Your FMIL might sense this as well which is why she is trying to steer you towards other shops.

As for the price, $5,000 *is* a lot for a dress (the average is $1,500). It's fine for you to spend that much but when other people, like your FMIL, hear that, they might balk a little or be taken aback. Just something to keep in mind.

Your FMIL sounds like she is excited and trying to be helpful. If you really find it overbearing, I think the "more support, less guidance" message from your fiance would be beneficial to all involved.

Also, are you (you and your FH, your family) paying for everything or is his family contributing? If they are contributing, its reasonable for them to want to take a more active role in wedding stuff.

Side note: $5000 is more than some people pay for their entire wedding so its not unreasonable for anyone to think that is a lot of money for a wedding dress!