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Lauren
Just Said Yes April 2020

Future Mother In Law Issues

Lauren, on November 15, 2019 at 9:03 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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Asked my future mother in law for save the date addresses and she added a name to the save the date list of addresses that we didnt invite. She actually did two people but the one person I already had the address for which is why I didnt ask her for it. My future in laws are refusing to put any financial assistance out for our wedding because they say they cant but they want say in our wedding. I have issue with this because my parents are paying for a large majority and then my fiance and I are paying for the rest. My fiance claims he is not close with this aunt that she added so we shouldn't send a STD (he has gone back and forth). Me, I am really annoyed that she thinks she can do this without calling and talking to us about the omission to see if it was an accident or intentional. Anyone have any ideas on how to handle it? Most of our STD are sent except his family because I was waiting for addresses so it's not like I can uninvite a co-worker to make space now. Ugh!!

17 Comments

Latest activity by Alexa, on December 4, 2019 at 8:47 PM
  • D
    Expert May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    It's not cool for her to do that buuuut I think your a little too bothered. They can't afford to help but I think his mom should be able to invite at least one person.
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  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Lauren ·
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    But her son is the one who did the list for that side of the family and says he has no connection w this Aunt.
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  • D
    Expert May 2021
    Danielle ·
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    It's a good point but you will be blamed and do you really want to start off like this with his mom. Maybe the aunt won't attend but the mom has asked and to give her a "no" is pretty hardcore. Just because he doesn't have a relationship with her she's still his family and is there a reason why he wants to just exclude her? Is it just the he don't know her her like that?
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I agree that it's rude for her to add someone, especially without even having a conversation with you or your FH, however, I also think it's rude if you're inviting all of the other aunts and uncles and excluding one.

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  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Lauren ·
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    I am honestly torn because I think of my aunts and how I would feel if one was left out but my family and his family are two very different types of families. At times, my FH wants to uninvite his own parents which I fight him on.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    It is rude of her to do that. Some people just think that it's no big deal
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  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Lauren ·
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    Completely agree it is rude. After speaking w my mom, I'm going to pick pick my battles and this is not one of them. I know how I would feel if one of my aunts was left out so she will be invited but I need to have a discussion w my future MIL soon. A polite discussion but a discussion because this is not the first time she has stepped on my toes and disrespected me.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Honestly, this conversation is one that should be between your FH and his mom and you should stay out of it. If she’s adding people from his family he doesn’t want to invite, he needs to stand up and say so. I don’t think her adding people to the list is disrespecting you. She probably just figured it was an oversight on yours/FHs part.
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  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
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    This, you need to stay out of it entirely.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    1) let your FH address it, 2) provide a list of his family members who are invited so they can see you guys ARE including his side, 3) ask them for a list of up to X (5? 10?) guests they can include and they need to provide you with addresses by DATE. If they miss that date, your FH can tell them those seats are no longer avail.
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  • Lauren
    Just Said Yes April 2020
    Lauren ·
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    I should have used a different word than disrespect but at the moment it's all I can think of - there have been other issues along the way non-wedding related is what I am trying to get at.
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  • Brandi
    Devoted July 2020
    Brandi ·
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    I think whatever other issues you are having with your FMIL is the reason you feel absolutely bothered. It is possible that FMIL added that aunt because she saw that everyone else was added and thought you accidentally missed that aunt. Yes - she could've verified but the time it takes to have communication could've been longer than just providing the address. It's pretty rude to invite everyone except one. No, weddings are not "family reunions" but what that's a pretty obvious disrespect. It's not for you to discuss with FMIL but between your FH & FMIL. If you have serious concerns about FMIL - address THEM but don't pick something so minuscule as your trigger.

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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
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    My parents are paying for the entire wedding. My fiance still is invited half the guest list for his friends and family. It is our wedding regardless of who is paying. Why would my family get more people because they are in a financial position to help us?

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    It was kind of rude of her to add without asking first! If they aren't contributing, they really get no say. Sure they can suggest people, but the final decision is up to you!

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  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2021
    Natalie ·
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    I would just ignore it. Maybe she added the person thinking you wanted to invite them but forgot to list them.

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  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    I wouldn't make it a too big of a deal if its just one person. Im having issues because my parents are helping me pay for my wedding and I have a small family. However, my FMIL has a large family and hasn't helped paid for anything and hasn't said anything about what she wants to help with or if she is. I have poked at my Fiance to ask and she changes the subject every time.

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  • Alexa
    Savvy February 2022
    Alexa ·
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    Let it go, you’ll have bigger fish to fry with her through this process, trust me it happened to me.
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